| Girls ... |
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| Well, as you can infer from reading the title, this page is dedicated to girls. I'm a guy, so obviously, I'm going to say good stuff about them, right? WRONG, dumbass. Are you really that thick? Has ANYTHING on this site been complimentary to anyone!? No, it has not. And for starters, there is no goddamn way in Hell that I'll ever create a page dedicated to complimenting bitches. The day that happens is the day black people actually get accepted into Harvard and Leuzinger students get jobs that aren't just paying minimum wage. Now that that's done with, on with the ranting. I can sum 99% of all girls using just one word: bitch. Yeah, you heard me. Bitch. B-I-T-C-H. Can I make myself any more clearer than that? I even have proof to back it up. Throughout my damned years in what people refer to as "school", I've observed many kinds of girls and will list each type along with a description: The WHORE: Typical high school teenage slut. Looks like she slept in a dumpster the night before in the arms of some bum and took a shower in her own piss. Usually seen wearing some revealing outfit that bares either the chest, thighs, or back. Has an obnoxious voice that pierces your mind like an AP bullet through metal. Can be seen with at least ten different guys per day, depending on how much of a whore she is. Dumb as a rock but has many friends due to her easiness. My advice: Fuck her if you want, but try not to get any of her STDs, kay? The IDIOT: Typically a blonde, since blonde + idiot goes together like Siegfried + Roy. The IDIOT is almost like the WHORE in the way that they are both easy. While the WHORE is easy due to her having an unnatural urge for cock, the IDIOT is easy because of her lack of intelligence. She thinks that every guy she goes out with will be "the one", and she doesn't notice that they're just using her to warm up before their turn with the WHORE. Usually noticeable by her inane questions during class and the blank stare you receive when you try to answer her. My advice: If she asks you anything, don't bother answering. It'll just give you a major headache. The FATASS: Typically fat (wow, never saw that coming, eh?) and overly obese. Actually, if you think about it, obese just doesn't work for these girls anymore. We need a word that has higher meaning than obese. Maybe universal? Ahahah ... yes, universal now has a new meaning. It now means that you're so fat that you can be considered a universal object that exerts its own gravitational pull. These "girls" (I don't know exactly what to call them anymore ... I would call them whales, but that would be insulting the whales!) take up too much space everywhere they go. Plus, their sweaty rolls of fat adds a unique stench to their body, creating a sort of walking tear-gas effect. From what I've noticed, FATASS girls are usually black. Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? They also have this habit of yelling at you to get out of the way cause you're "blocking the hallway." I'M blocking the HALLWAY? What fucking dimension do you live in, bitch!? In this world, FATASS girls take up more space than guys like me! My advice: Don't eat ANYWHERE near them, or they might start salivating and your eyes begin to water from the odor of decaying food still stuck in their teeth. The BITCH: Unlike the previous girls, BITCHes aren't physically different than their WHORE, IDIOT, and FATASS counterparts. Instead of being a "type" of girl, the BITCH is more of an add-on personality. Therefore, it is quite possible to encounter a WHORE BITCH, or FATASS BITCH, but it is unlikely that you will find an IDIOT BITCH, due to the complexities necessary to be a BITCH. BITCHes generally talk a lot of shit. They talk so much shit that it sometimes feels like their mouth and ass switched jobs when they were born. Often accompanied by their "posse", BITCHes should be avoided at all costs. I've accidentally encountered plenty of BITCHes at Leuzinger, and let me tell you, do whatever it takes to move on as fast as you can. One time, this one WHORE BITCH bumped into ME, and I was kind enough to let her off without a string of curses, but then she turned around and starting cussing ME out for bumping into HER! You can't imagine the rage and indignation I felt at the moment. I would have slapped that BITCH if it wasn't for the knowledge that she probably had brothers who were recently paroled. Bah, of the four types currently noted, the BITCH is the worst of them all. Try arguing with one and you'll see why. Their bitching is so illogical that you would probably lose brain cells just by listening to their crap. Argh ... spending too much time on this BITCH, time to move on. My advice: Sign petitions to allow the hunting of BITCHes. The NERD: Also an add-on personality instead of a type of girl, NERDs are usually also FATASSes. The NERD believes herself to be much more intelligent than anyone else in her class. Can be found either reading a book while walking anywhere or doing homework at break times. Generally has a very annoying/whining voice that you always hear in class because she is such a teacher's bitch. Voice something that goes against her "absolutely correct" opinion and you're in for the lecture of a lifetime. You either get so frustrated that you let her stupidity pass, or you can continue arguing with her to no avail. Because of their arrogance, NERDs have very few, if any, friends. This causes them to use food to ease their loneliness, which leads to their large mass. NERDs have only one weakness, and that is a person with a superior intellect. Once they learn that they have competition, they automatically either try to befriend their opponent (to make sure that their reign of NERDness goes unhindered) or they can try to compete (and they usually fail). As with the FATASS, body odor is also recurrent with the NERD. My advice: Make her life a living Hell by proving how much of an idiot she really is. The ONE: Not a direct variant of the typical girl, the ONE is still considered a bitch due to certain characteristics. The ONE cannot be defined directly due to the fact that they all do not follow the exact same descriptions. Physical appearances and mental abilities are always different with the ONE, depending on which ONE you are talking about. However, they do follow distinct behaviors that can be successfully catalogued. For instance, the ONE can usually be seen on the arm of some brain-dead athletic pretty boy. The ONE also has that one guy out there who truly cares for her for some reason that only he can somehow understand, but she instead is with the pretty boy, who will most likely some day dump her for the WHORE. Often the main cause behind high school depression and the failure of classes for males, the ONE is a dangerous girl. My advice: She'll make you happy and make you sad at the same time. If you happen to catch the disease known as "The ONE", you'll be infected for quite some time before it goes away, but there is not even a guarantee that it'll disappear with time. Wow, that was a long article. Long, yet so so true. I might add more entries as I discover more types of bitches, but don't expect anything for a while. In the meantime, I shall be going over my previous articles and editing them to make them a) more insulting, b) more degrading, c) more understandable for those idiot readers out there, and d) possibly less verbose. |
| Thien |