One Thing that always bugs me is the way some people are so god damn happy all the time. I mean some people just gloat. Plus their chummy. Chummy people should be shot. I see this all day at the store where I work. Happy people. But their not really happy. Their just bullshitting each other so they can can through thier day without crawling in a whole and blowing their head off. But conversly what right do they have to be depressed? We live in an age and country where food is plentifull. Few are hungry and the majority middle and upper class lead comfortable lives. We have way to much time to devote to emotions and stuff like that- since we don't have to worry about the essentials of life. I see kids at school who mope around complaining about depression and how fucked up thier life is- bitching about boyfriend and girlfriend problems. I recently visited The Vanderbelt mansion. These people had all the money in the world and part of their family blew it away on drugs the other were just plain depressed and sad. We have to much time to devote to "the big picture" We have everything we need- so we think of things like fame and fortune. wanting more. This is a destructive phenominon and is why if mankind ever did achieve some sort of utopia it would not last because people would dwell on emotions and striving for more goals to achieve. actually come to think of it a good way we could achieve utopia is by comeing up with a drug or proceedure wich would eliminat emotions! We could be like that race of aliens that took over the earth in that movie with the little kids! whatever dont listen to me I'm drunk- but anyway .... Other people who piss me off are Blissfull Idiots. I'm talking about people who have missrable lives, yet seem happy. People who have no friends, yet think everyone is thier pal. That really pisses me off. I don't know why I care but I just like people to see reality. I try to focus on reality. Lets say right now your sitting in your bedroom, computer room, living room, shcool, dorm room, office, whatever reading this crap for whatever reaon, starring at your computer. Now think about everything around you. Your chair the electronic equipment(computer ect.) room furnishings and what their made of(material-then break it down catigorically to the molecular level.) Then come back out and think of your geographic location. (City, State, Country, Planet, Solar System...)Think of all the people, beliefs, places- think of a stranger- someone you may have seen a couple of days ago- think of what their doing right now- this is nuts i know- It gives me anxiety attacks- Just writing about it messes me up. But I have to contend with it. And the pea brain people- just go on not caring about anything. But sometimes I get thinking that thats how it ought to be. I mean people are generaly more happy when they don't know whats going on. Keep everyone real religous. Feed them garbage in thier minds. We can't deal with real issues anymore. Everyones in thier own little fantasy world. The real intelligent people who could actually find truth and knowlege in the world realize the harshness of reality and therefore put thier abilities towards other useless puresuits- creating abstract theories that are benificial to a very few- mainly the other intelligant theorists whom wich they compete for regognition by thier respective associations. So you have a choice in life. Be smart- see reality for what it is and be misrable. Or live in darkness, yet be as blissfull as a puppy dog with a new toy.
Then theirs famous people. Everyone knows who they are. South Park- Every mall in the country carries that crap! What two guys came up with and wrote in their own heads is now in every corner of the earth! (well almost) Can you imagine? You write something- and millions of people come in contact with it. If that ever happened to me- I'd have to see a shrink real fast(not that I dont now-but it'd be alot worse.) I was walking in the mall and I saw a South Park T Shirt in this strange little store off in the corner by itself. The shirt was on a rack in the front, and it look kind of out of place. I thought to myself- What does that store, that T shirt rack and the place i'm standing in have to do with those two guys who wrote that comedy show? They will never come here- know of the store, the t shirt rack or its contents- yet they affected this portion of time and space I'm experienceing. And their are obviously millions of more places just like that one. Just the fact that someone could be writing what I wrote in California or Alaska or Russia, (I live in New York) gets me off so bad. I'm not sure if it makes me happy however... this upsets me - I think these thoughts make me extremly anxious. Farley always wanted fame but when he got it he was disapointed because he truely couldn't achieve love and happyness. (ehhh) That relates to the utopia issue- even if we have complete success - their will always be that emptyness- Plus like myself- I don't think most people could handle being known everywhere- Or extremly rich- wich means that we are doomed to never be happy. Sorry- life sucks and I've just proven it. The only detectable meaning is sex, which has short term gratifications for most and life is doomed to be depressing. No one is happy. So if your planning on killing yourself- you shoul d just stick around and see what happens to the rest of us. I mean even if I was a bumb- i'd still just stick around.
