"Oh, you do?" Caitlin asked slightly amused.
"Yeah, you're going to tell me not to feel guilty, that it wasn't my fault, that it wasn't me."
"Well, sort of. What I was really going to say was that she needs you," Cailtin informed him.
"Who? Buffy?" he asked already knowing the answer. Caitlin nodded her head and continued.
"She loves you," she said simply.
"She deserves better, and I doubt she still loves me after everything I did to her," Angel explained sadly.
"Angelus did those things, but she loves Angel. She doesn't want anyone else but you," Caitlin paused to take a deep breath. "She's that girl you always dreamed about meeting. Someone independent, strong, loving, don't give up on her so easily."
Now Angel was staring at the ceiling. "I just need some time to deal with everything that has happened, and I don't know how long that will take."
"You should've seen her face when I told her I was here to return your soul," Caitlin smiled slightly. "I've never seen a smile as big as hers. She wants to help you through this. To be there for you like you've been there for her," she explained. When Angel didn't respond or even glance at her, she spoke more firmly. "Look! I happen to know for a fact that none of them hate you. It's just hard for them to accept that a friend of theirs that was so nice and caring one day could turn into a evil, demonic creature the next. You and the demon are two different beings sharing the same body, you are not the same person!"
"Fine believe what you want, but I'm the one feeling the pain and the guilt of his actions. He lurks right beneath my skin, and he's always there, reminding of what I am," Angel almost shouted.
"Like I said before your soul is permanently housed in your body. It can't leave again, but the demon can. That's what I've been doing since that day you....well you know. I've been searching for a cure for vampirism, and I promise you that if it takes me 1000 years I'll find it, and you know I always keep my promises," Caitlin choked out.
"Why do you want to waste your life looking for something that doesn't exist. If no one's found it by now, no one ever will," Angel said quietly.
"I'm going to find it," she implied sternly. Angel's eyes glazed over and he drew her into hug.
"I missed you so much," he whispered into her hair.
"I missed you to. Oh, Xander says to tell you, that he doesn't hate you despite the window incident." Caitlin repeated. Angel looked at her skeptically for a moment, until realization dawned on him. Angel smiled and started laughing.
"Xander doesn't hate me? That has got to be a first. I thought he'd be happy because he actually does have a reason to hate me now."
"Now tell me something, if Xander does't hate you do you really think the rest of them do?" Caitlin asked.
"I don't know. Like I said I need to deal with this in my own way. I don't want to put any of them in danger ever again, especially Buffy."
"Think of it this way, Angelus is the evil twin, and Angel is the good twin. Blame the guilt on him, it was his fault after all," Caitlin smirked.
"You never did cease to amaze me," Angel smiled. "Even when things are so horrible that laughter seems miles away, you can always make me laugh."
"Stop, or you'll make me cry." Caitlin pretended to sob.
"Now you have some explaining to do, sister dear. How did you come to be here, as in not dead."
"Oh, boy. It's a good thing we have forever to live because this may just take that long."
"Well like you said I have forever, let's hear it," Angel persisted while taking a comfortable seat on his couch, glad to have persuaded his sister from continuing their recent conversation. "But I do have something to do when your done," he added with a cryptic smile.
Buffy was sitting on her bed silently staring at her open math book, until the ringing of the telephone broke her out of her daze.
"Hello," she greeted.
"Hey, it's Willow. I just wanted to see how you were doing," Willow stated concerned.
"I'm doing alright, I guess."
"Has he showed up or called?" she asked.
"No, I think he's avoiding me. You don't know how bad I want to go see him," Buffy answered.
"I think I do," Willow smiled to herself.
"I'm just glad he's back, and Angelus won't be back to terrorize us anytime soon," Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.
"Believe me so am I." Willow hurriedly added. "Why don't you get some sleep, you sound like you could use it, and don't worry everything will turn out fine. It's just a feeling I have."
"Thanks Will, you're a great friend. Goodnight," Buffy supressed a yawn.
"Goodnight, Buffy. Sleep tight," Willow responded before placing the telephone back on its cradle. Buffy hung up the phone, and slipped into a pair pajamas. Before laying down in bed she opened her window and glanced out feeling as if someone was watching her. She smiled slightly and shook her head.
"No, I'm daydreaming again," she whispered to herself. The past few weeks were finally taking their toll on her, exhaustion overcame her and she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Little did she know of the lone figure hiding in the shadows watching her bedroom window, waiting for the lights to go out. As soon as it did the figure climbed onto the roof and seated himself outside of her window. The figure stood vigil over her as she slept, and took comfort in the fact that she was alive and safe.
"Hello," a perky Buffy called out as she entered the library with Willow and Xander the next morning.
"You are certainly happy this morning," Giles noticed.
"Well I got a good night's sleep, the first in weeks," Buffy announced.
"Good for you," Giles praised.
"So why are we here on a Sunday, G-man," Xander asked slightly annoyed at being woken up so early on a weekend.
"I told you not to call me that," Giles reprimanded. "And Caitlin asked us to meet her in the library at noon," he informed them.
"Is something wrong?" Willow asked.
"She didn't say, but..." Giles was cut off by the library doors opening and Caitlin walking through them.
"Hi guys! Sorry I'm late, Angel was being overprotective," Caitlin smiled slightly.
"Why?" Willow seemed confused.
" Because I'm leaving," she announced.
"Leaving, already?" Buffy questioned.
"Yeah, I have places to go, things to do, a cure to find. You know the usual. I just wanted to say goodbye, and to thank you for all your help."
"When do you leave?" Giles asked.
"My plane leaves at 1:30, which means I need to be getting on my way."
"We'll miss you," Willow informed.
"Oh, don't worry, I had to pinky swear my brother that I would write, and call, and visit, frequently," Caitlin laughed.
"Can we drive you to the airport?" Giles offered.
"No, I'll go myself. I hate tearful goodbyes," Caitlin answered. After Caitlin hugged everyone, and said her goodbyes, she turned towards the doors to leave she stopped and turned towards the group once again. "You'll take care of him for me?" she asked hopefully. They all nodded in agreement. "He's so lucky to have found friends like you," were her last words before exiting the library.
"Well, I have to get going," Buffy said.
"Where?" Giles, Willow, and Xander said in unison.
Buffy smiled and answered, "I'm going to see Angel. If he won't come see me, I'll go see him."
"Buffy, I don't think that's such a good idea," Giles argued.
"This is just something I have to do. I need to know where I stand with him, I don't expect you to understand," Buffy finished, and then left the library as well.
"I hope she's doing the right thing," Willow said softly.
Buffy took deep breaths before knocking on Angel's door. "I can't do this," she whispered to herself. "Yes, I can. Get a hold of yourself, Buffy," she scolded. She took one more deep breath and knocked loudly on the door. After a moment or two she heard feet shuffling towards the door. It opened to reveal Angel wearing a thin white t-shirt, black sweatpants, and looking very sleepy. As soon as he saw who was at the door, his eyes widened in disbelief.
"Buffy," he breathed.
"Hi," she answered shyly. "I hope I'm not bothering you, but I'm... we really need to talk, I-I wanted to see how you were, can I come in?" she rambled.
"Sure," he answered and ushered her in and shut the door. Buffy glanced around the apartment, expecting it to look different, but it comforted her knowing that it was exactly the same as the last time she was here. Angel watched Buffy as she glanced around the room, before turning towards him once again. He waited for her to speak.
"So...how are you doing?" she broke the silence.
"I'm getting by, I guess," he answered. "You?"
"I actually slept the whole night without a nightmare," she smiled at him. He smiled in return and looked towards the ground.
"I know," he said sheepishly.
"I had a feeling you did," she replied.
"Look Buffy, I..."
"Stop!" she said sternly. "I don't want to hear apologies or excuses. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I hurt you, I hurt all of them, how can you say that?" he asked surprised.
"Because it's true. It wasn't you, why can't you understand that?"
"I wish I could," Angel whispered. "Why are you really here, Buffy?",p>"I-I..I wanted to see you," she confessed.
"God, I'm so sor......" He was cut off by Buffy closing the distance between them and pressing her lips firmly against his. If he wasn't going to take the first step, she was going to take it instead. She loved him far to much to let him get lost in his guilt, aside from the fact that she wanted to be in his arms again, to revel in the fact that her Angel came back to her. She just wanted things to be like they were before.
Angel was taken by surprise when Buffy kissed him, he hesitated at first then gave into her, he pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss. It felt so good having her in his arms again he couldn't hold back. To know that she still wanted him even after everything that had happened, overwhelmed his senses. When he knew she needed air he slowly pulled away from her. Buffy kept her eyes closed and took in the feel and scent of him, then slowly opened her eyes and leaned her forehead against his. "I love you," she whispered.
"I never stopped loving you," was his answer.
"Hold me," she pleaded. He wrapped his arms around her instantly and held her tightly in his embrace, while she layed her head over his heart, and entwined her arms around his neck.
"Are we okay?" Angel asked quietly.
"You still want there to be an us?" Buffy asked hopefully. He nodded and looked deep into her eyes seeing all the love she held for him. She smiled and the tears she was holding back began to spill down her cheeks. "God, I missed you so much," she sobbed.
"I missed you," he stated, while wiping away her tears. Then he went to stroking her hair, content in the fact that she had forgiven him, and continued to love him.
Back to my Fanfic page