[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.]
MONICA: Tell him.
RACHEL: No.
PHOEBE: Tell him, tell him.
MONICA: Just...please tell him.
RACHEL: Shut up!
CHANDLER: Tell me what?
MONICA: Look at you, you won�t even look at him.
CHANDLER: [sarcasticly] Oh, come on tell me. I could use another
reason why women won�t look at me.
RACHEL: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream
that, uh, you and I, were...
PHOEBE: Doing it on this table. [points at the table]
CHANDLER: Wow!
JOEY: Exellent dream score.
ROSS: Why, why, why would you dream that?
CHANDLER: More importantly, was I any good?
RACHEL: Well, you were pretty damnedy good.
CHANDLER: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I�m allways
surprisingly inadequate. [Monica pats him on his lap]
RACHEL: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.
ROSS: I love it, when we share.
[Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.]
CHANDLER: You�re okay there?
ROSS: I can�t belive you two had sex in her dream.
CHANDLER: I�m sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk
and I was somebody else�s subconscious.
OPENING CREDITS
[Time lapse. Chandler is sitting on the table.]
CHANDLER: Hi Rachel.
RACHEL: Get off.
PHOEBE: [points at Joey�s pen] Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me
operating a drill press?
JOEY: I don�t know. What are you wearing?
[Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him]
ROSS: Phoebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?
PHOEBE: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back
some of my massage clients.
CHANDLER: Pirates again?
PHOEBE: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I
taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop". And they
are.
JOEY: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.
CHANDLER: [sarcasticly] Thanks Joey, that�s a good idea.
PHOEBE: What... I could, I could do it. What is it?
CHANDLER: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of
weeks. She is having one of her boobs reduced. It�s a
whole big boob story.
PHOEBE: I could be a secretary.
CHANDLER: Well, you know Phoebs. I don�t know if it�s your kinda
thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a
large portion of the day.
PHOEBE: I could do that.
[Ross�s beeper goes off]
RACHEL: What are you playing with?
ROSS: Oh, it�s my new beeper.
JOEY: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
MONICA: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick,
they�re still extinct.'
ROSS: No, it�s for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me
wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.
CHANDLER: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
MONICA: All right, I�ll see you guys later. [raises]
RACHEL: Off to see young Ethan?
MONICA: Thank you.
JOEY: How young is young Ethan? Young?
MONICA: He�s... our age.
CHANDLER: When we were?
MONICA: Okay, he�s a senior in college.
ROSS: College?
JOEY: Whoa!
CHANDLER: And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
MONICA: No, of course not. It�s not even an issue. Cause I told him
I was 22.
ALL: What?
MONICA: Oh, I can�t pass for 22?
PHOEBE: Well, maybe 25-26.
MONICA: I am 26.
PHOEBE: There you go.
[Scene: Chandler�s office. He and Phoebe are there when the phone
starts ringing.]
CHANDLER: Can you hear that?
PHOEBE: [plays with a thumbtack remover] Yeah?
CHANDLER: See That�ll stop when you pick up the phone.
PHOEBE: Oh. Uh, I�m on. [picks up the phone]
PHOEBE: [with a deep voice] Mr. Bing�s office. No I�m sorry, he�s
in a meeting right now.
CHANDLER: I�m not in a meeting. I�m right... Whoops.
PHOEBE: Will he know what this is in reference to? And he has
your number? All right, I�ll see that he gets the message.
Bye bye.
CHANDLER: What?
PHOEBE: Ross says hi.
CHANDLER: Ah!
PHOEBE: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?
CHANDLER: Well, now, I actually have to get to work.
PHOEBE: Most likely. [raises and goes toward the door] Okay,
I�m gonna be out there.
CHANDLER: Okay.
PHOEBE: All right. Bye bye.
CHANDLER: Bye bye.
[The intercom buzzes]
PHOEBE: Whatcha doin�?
CHANDLER: Ooh. [leans against the desk]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel�s apartment. It�s just them there.
Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]
MONICA: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt�s to tight,
gotta change the belt. Did i turn the fish? [goes over
to the kitchen to check on the dinner] No, cause I made
lasagne. Am I out of control?
RACHEL: Just a touch. Mon, I don�t understand. I mean, you�ve
been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms?
I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh.
MONICA: What?
RACHEL: Could tonight be the Night?
MONICA: I don�t know. Look he�s a great guy and I love being with
him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You
don�t plan these things.
RACHEL: So, did you shave your legs?
MONICA: Yeah.
RACHEL: Aha!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.]
JOEY: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn�t
mean...
[Ross�s beeper goes off]
ROSS: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it�s baby time.
Baby time.
JOEY: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool,
be cool.
[Ross dials a number on his cellular phone]
ROSS: [on phone] Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. [pause] No, Andr�
is not here. [to Joey] Third time today. [on phone] Yes, I�m
sure... No, sir. I don�t perform those kind of services.
JOEY: Services? Oh, services.
ROSS: [on phone] Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that�s right.
That�s right, JUMBO with a U, sir. [pause] No, belive me,
you don�t want me. Judging by his number, I�d be a huge
disappointment. [pause] All rightie, bye bye.
[Phoebe and Chandler enters]
JOEY: Hey, hey. How was the first day?
PHOEBE: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice.
CHANDLER: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes.
[Joey and Ross wonder what he means] Me.
PHOEBE: No, I didn�t tell anybody that I knew you.
CHANDLER: Why not?
PHOEBE: Oh, because, you know... they don�t like you.
CHANDLER: What?
PHOEBE: I thought you knew that.
CHANDLER: Noho. Why doesn�t they like me?
PHOEBE: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone.
CHANDLER: What are you talking about?
PHOEBE: Don�t feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot.
But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you�re like
"Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man
Bing".
[Joey and Ross laughs]
CHANDLER: I can�t belive it.
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah. They even do you.
CHANDLER: They do me?
PHOEBE: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be
any later?'
[Joey and Ross laughs]
CHANDLER: I don�t sound like that.
ROSS: Oh, oh Chandler...
JOEY: Oh... Yeah, you do.
ROSS: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'
[Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs]
JOEY: [reaches for hi scones] My scones.
PHOEBE, JOEY & ROSS: 'My scones.'
[Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again]
CHANDLER: Okay, I don�t sound like that. That is so not true.
[Joey and Chandler laughs]
CHANDLER: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!
[Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel�s apartment. Monica and Ethan are sitting
in the couch.]
MONICA: Did not.
ETHAN: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that
gunpoint was an actual place wher crimes happen.
MONICA: How was that possible?
ETHAN: Well, think about it. It�s always on the news. 'A man is
being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised,
at gunpoint.' You know, I just kept thinking: why do
people continue to go there? Oh, ah. I should go.
MONICA: Okay.
[They kiss]
ETHAN: Okay.
MONICA: Unless--
ETHAN: What?
MONICA: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I�m going
to, so...
ETHAN: Yeah, I�d really like that.
[They kiss]
ETHAN: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is
something you should know.
MONICA: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or
'I�m secretly married to a goat'?
ETHAN: Well it�s somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly
technical sense, of course, I�m not uh..., well I, I mean I
haven�t ever uh...
MONICA: Ethan--
ETHAN: Yeah?
MONICA: Are you a virgin?
ETHAN: Well, if that�s what you kids are calling it these days
then, yes I am. I uh, I�ve kinda been waiting for the right
person.
MONICA: Really?
ETHAN: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right?
[They kiss]
[Time lapse. They are now in Monica�s bedroom, on the bed.]
ETHAN: Wow!
MONICA: You keep saying that.
ETHAN: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies.
Even when you practise it at home, man oh man, it is
nothing like that.
[They kiss]
MONICA: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really
difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be
honest, then I can to.
ETHAN: Oh god, don�t tell me, I did it wrong.
MONICA: No no. Nothing wrong about that.
ETHAN: Oh.
MONICA: Um, okay, here it goes. I�m not 22. I�m, I�m 25...
and thirteen months.
ETHAN: Huh!
MONICA: But I figured, you know, that shouldn�t change anything.
I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.
[They kiss]
ETHAN: Uh, listen um, as long as we�re telling stuff, uh, I have
another one for you. I�m a little younger than I said.
MONICA: You�re not a senior?
ETHAN: Oh, I�m a senior... in High School.
MONICA: Ok...ay.
[Time lapse]
MONICA: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with
somebody that wasn�t alive during the Bicentennial.
ETHAN: I just had sex.
MONICA: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me?
ETHAN: Well, you never told me how old you were.
MONICA: Well, that�s different. My lie didn�t make one of us a
felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?
ETHAN: I wasn�t thinking. I was too busy fallin'--
MONICA: Don�t say it. [closes Ethan�s mouth with her hand]
ETHAN: --in love with you.
MONICA: Really?
ETHAN: [nods] Sorry.
MONICA: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn�t even be here,
it�s a school night. Oh god, oh god. I�m like those women
that you see with shiny guys like Chad. I�m Joan Collins.
ETHAN: Who?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel�s apartment. Everyone exept Monica is there.]
ROSS: [on phone] Okay, Andr� should be there in like 45 minutes. All
rightie, bye bye. [to Phoebe] Just easier that way.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
RACHEL: No, forget it.
CHANDLER: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
RACHEL: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there.
[Camera fades to Ross, who�s listening very carefully]
Joey was there too.
JOEY: All right.
ROSS: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there.
RACHEL: No.
ROSS: You�re sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?
RACHEL: No, it was just the three of us.
ROSS: Huh!
JOEY: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you
and me, or you and me and Chandler?
RACHEL: He, he, he. You know what?
JOEY: What?
RACHEL: There were times when it wasn�t even me.
[Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other]
PHOEBE: That is so sweet, you guys. [hugs them]
[Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn�t hear what
the others say]
ROSS, RACHEL & PHOEBE: Hey, Mon.
RACHEL: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon?
ALL: [shouting] Mon!
[Monica takes of her walkman]
MONICA: What?
RACHEL: Ethan called again.
MONICA: Oh.
ROSS: Are you not seeing him anymore?
MONICA: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn�t work out.
CHANDLER: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs
a note to get out of gym.
[Monica stares at Rachel]
RACHEL: I, I didn�t say any... I sw... I did not say anything,
I swear.
JOEY: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him
which one the strongest "Power Ranger" is?
[Ross and Chandler laughs]
ROSS: Oh, yeah.
MONICA: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop
it now?
JOEY, CHANDLER & ROSS: Sorry.
ROSS: It�s morphin time!
JOEY: Stegosaurus!
CHANDLER: Tyrannosaurus!
[They all cross they�re arms like the "Power Rangers" do]
PHOEBE: Ooh, oh, I�ve gotta go. [raises] Whoa, oh, head rush.
One more, and then I have to go. [sits down, and then
raises again] Cool!
RACHEL: Where are you going?
PHOEBE: Um, oh, I�ve got a birthday party, with some work people.
CHANDLER: Work people? Nobody told me.
PHOEBE: No, I know. That�s a part of the whole, you know,
them-not-liking-you-extravagance.
CHANDLER: You know, I don�t get this. A month aga, these people
were my friends. You know, just because I�m in charge
doesn�t mean i�m a different person.
PHOEBE: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang
out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.
CHANDLER: You think I should?
PHOEBE: I really do, yeah.
CHANDLER: Okay.
PHOEBE: Okay.
CHANDLER: Okay.
PHOEBE: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don�t wanna be
the geek that invited the boss.
[Scene: Chandler�s office. He and Phoebe are taking a break
from work.]
CHANDLER: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke
thing. Tracy and I doing "Ebony and Ivory".
PHOEBE: You were great. But they still made fun of you.
CHANDLER: What?
PHOEBE: You know, now you�re more like, you know like,
"Mr. Caring Boss", "Mr.", you know, "I�m one of you, Boss",
"Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing"
CHANDLER: Then, I don�t get it.
PHOEBE: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you�ve gotta
face it. You�re like, the guy in the big office, you know.
You�re the one that hires them, that fires them... They
still say you�re a great boss.
CHANDLER: They do?
PHOEBE: Uh huh. But they�re not your friends anymore.
CHANDLER: I just wan�t to--
PHOEBE: No, but you can�t.
CHANDLER: But I just wa--
PHOEBE: Uh uh.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there.
Ross�s beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
MONICA: Aren�t you gonna--
ROSS: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911,
it means she�s having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
JOEY: What about Andr�?
ROSS: Oh, welll this morning he got a call from who I think
was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more
than I needed to know.
[Ethan enters]
ETHAN: Hey.
MONICA: That was gonna be my opener.
RACHEL: [understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone] Hey,
did you guys check out those new handdryers in the bathroom?
ROSS: I thought that was just a rumour.
RACHEL: True story.
JOEY: They�re here allready?
[Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom]
ETHAN: All right, look. I�ve gotta tell you something. I�m not 17.
I only said so that you�d think I was cute and vunerable.
I�m actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I�m your
congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we�re great together.
We can talk , we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man,
okay I have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.
MONICA: It was.
ETHAN: Then, what�s the problem?
MONICA: Ethan, it�s um... it�s icky.
ETHAN: Icky? You�re actually gonna throw this away because it�s icky?
MONICA: This isn�t easy for me either. I wish things were different,
I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years
younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really--
ETHAN: No, don�t say it. [closes Monica�s mouth with his hand]
MONICA: --love you.
[Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover
that Monica and Ethan aren�t finished talking to each other yet.]
ROSS: Are you�re hands still wet?
JOEY: Uh, moist, yeah.
RACHEL: Let�s dry �em again.
[They go to the bathroom again]
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and
Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees�s conversation. One of
them is doing Chandler.]
GERSTON: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger?
[They discover that Chandler is listening] Hey, Chandler.
SANTOS: Hello, Mr. Bing.
PETRIE: Loved your "Stevie Wonder" last night.
CHANDLER: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I�m gonna
need them on my desk by nine o�clock.
SANTOS: Sure.
GERSTON: No problem.
[They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler]
CHANDLER: You have to give �em something, you know. Okay, now that
was Gerston, Santos, and who�s the guy with the moustache?
PHOEBE: Petrie.
CHANDLER: Petrie, right, right. Okay, somebody�s gonna be working
this weekend.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel�s apartment. Ross is watching TV, but
turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a
blanket over her.]
RACHEL: [talks in her sleep] Oooooooooh. [Rachel strokes her
hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently] Oh, that�s
nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross.
[Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table,
but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes
up.]
RACHEL: Ross?
ROSS: I�m here.
RACHEL: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just...
ROSS: What? [his beeper goes off] Great, now I�m having a baby.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: Ooh, Ooh.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I�m having... I�m having a baby. [jumps back onto the table
again] I�m having a... Where�s the phone? The phone?
RACHEL: I don�t know where the phone is.
[Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls onto
the floor]
RACHEL: Ross?
ROSS: I�m hurt.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: The hall between the apartments. Ross is eagerly waiting for
the others to get ready, to go to the hospital.]
ROSS: Monica, let�s go. Come on now people, woman in labor.
[Chandler struts out from his apartment]
CHANDLER: Hey Ross, look what I�ve got going here.
ROSS: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay.
[Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick
in her hands]
ROSS: What are you doing? We�re going to a hospital.
RACHEL: What, so I can�t lokk nice? There might be doctors there.
ROSS: Joey, get out of the fridge.
JOEY: All right, all right. [he comes out from their apartment
with a huge sandwich in his hand]
ROSS: What is that? [refering to the sandwich]
JOEY: For the ride.
CHANDLER: Yeah, like in a cab--
ROSS: Save it.
CHANDLER: Okay, hating this.
ROSS: Monica, come on now. Let�s go, baby coming.
[Monica enters from their apartment, crying]
MONICA: I can�t belive it, I�m gonna be an aunt. I�m gonna have
like a nephew.
ROSS: That�s nice. Get out Let�s go, come on.
JOEY: All right, I�m going. I�m going.
[They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like
he`s in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.]
CHANDLER: Here we go, here we go.
RACHEL: Rossy, Rossy.
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