No one ever told me life was going to be easy, I remember that quote more than any other and damn has it been proven right. I’m not exactly sure why I am writing this, but I seem to have a lot of spare time and a lot of complaining to do, so why the hell not?
My life has been pretty dramatic for me. Maybe it was because of me, maybe it wasn’t, not too sure. I know one thing though, love’s a bitch. I’m only sixteen years old and I’ve already fallen in love. Most people don’t believe me and sometimes I don’t even believe it myself but I know. If there is one thing I know as of now, it’s that my only dreams and hopes lie with one person.
I guess I should start from the beginning…though I may skip some boring and unimportant parts of my life.
Mom and dad split up twice that I can remember. The first time I felt as if my life was falling apart and I cried a lot, the second time I don’t think I cared all that much. Eight years out of my sixteen I was by Sarah’s side, my best friend till 6th grade. That was the beginning of this drama-infested journey that still continues.
I was completely alone in 7th and 8th grade. I had friends, but not true ones. We hung out but we were not all that close. Then I met Susan, my second half. She is my duplicate and opposite in so many ways. We were inseparable until I met Legolas. It had been a year since she and I had become close friends and suddenly I was whisked away by some boy.
Poor Susan was left alone, doomed to stay draped within her own sorrows. No matter what she tried, I was lost to her forever. I had changed, and she remained the same. I guess that happens to a lot of people, or what I understand anyways.
Because of mainly my actions she ended up in a mental hospital, only for two days…but that was enough for me to hate myself for. I had selfishly left her to die, at least that’s the way I viewed it, and still do. Legolas was my new obsession, there wasn’t one thing I did that wasn’t for or because of him. To this day he’s still that to me, but tragically he’ll never be mine. His eyes are only for Tonya…her hair as red as the flame and her eyes the color of the sea.
Tonya is trapped in her depression though. Nothing can make her happy, at least that’s what I believe.
Legolas and me…our relationship has been tumbling down the mountain side ever since we first danced that night. We’re forever crashing into rocks and then sighing with relief as we cascade off a pointed rock and into the air but only to collide once again with a jagged stone.
I swear to a god that I could see happiness, you know? I saw the actual emotion, not an expression or feeling…but I saw it, the tangible piece of heaven that we call happiness. I saw it in his eyes, it was so beautiful. I remember the blue, saturated with everything I’d ever need or wanted. I remember every delicate eyelash that tangled at the outer corner of his eye as he held me. For those moments I actually would believe he loved me for those moments I actually forgot what reality was.
Sounds like a real piece of fiction doesn’t it? For once in my life though I am completely honest.
Legolas and I have broken up technically about four times. Three times done by me. It’s weird that way…every time it was for the same reason. I would become afraid that I was going to lose him and so I would break up with him. I have a very devious mind when it comes to things like that. I guess I thought I knew Legolas, and I knew that if I was the one who broke up with him he would feel like he lost something and so it would suddenly become his main focus in life until he got it back. The last time it didn’t work as I planned. My own fault and so I don’t complain to people about it. I hate complaining to people, makes me feel like I’m burdening them with something they don’t need. I used to love complaining. I always wanted attention then though. Now I hate attention. I like fading into the back where no one notices me, makes life a lot simpler.
For a while Legolas wouldn’t even talk to me…lasted about a week, maybe more. I’d have to research that to remember.