Funny Joke/Picture/Story of the Day

Thursday, February 1st
After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided it would be fun to hit a pub in London and go out for a beer. The first sits down and says, "Hey, Seņor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The second says, "I'd like the best beer in the world. Give me 'The King of Beers.' One Budweiser please." The bartender gives him one. Another guy says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water; give me a Coors." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Guiness sits down as he orders a Coke. The bartender is a bit taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" The Guiness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

Friday, February 2nd
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman." God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give "love" and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history...

Monday, February 5th
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, she answered, ''Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse.'' The interviewer was amazed. He said, ''I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?'' ''We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.''

Tuesday, February 6th
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

Wednesday, February 7th
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!

Thursday, February 8th
Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, Momma can't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye. Reading his Mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates." About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sends his Mom an email: "Dear Momma, I'm not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you didn't take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Anthony" Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his Momma. "Figlio mio, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now."

Friday, February 9th

Monday, February 12th

Tuesday, February 13th

Wednesday, February 14th

Thursday, February 15th

Friday, February 16th

Monday, February 19th

Tuesday, February 20th

Wednesday, February 21st

Thursday, February 22nd

Friday, February 23rd

Monday, February 26th

Tuesday, February 27th

Wednesday, February 28th