Funny Joke/Picture/Story of the Day

Thursday, December 1st
Three men and a woman were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist." The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... Double Income, No Kids Yet." The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker." They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?" She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

While You Were Out

Thursday, December 8th
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Friday, December 9th
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street. All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting out into the street in front of heavy traffic at one of the busiest intersections in the whole city, dragging the blind man along with the dog's leash in the blind man's hands while cars were trying to stop,screeching their brakes and swerving to avoid a fatal accident. The policeman was absolutely horrified, but could do nothing to assist. To the immediate relief of the horrified police officer, the blind man and his dog somehow made it across the street without suffering any harm to themselves whatsoever.It was a miracle! The police officer, still in shock, observed the blind man, upon reaching the corner sidewalk after having nearly been killed crossing the street, reach into his pocket and pull out a cookie and offer it to his seeing-eye dog. The officer ran to the blind man and said to him in a loud distraught tone, �Don't you realize that you could have been killed by your dog dragging you out into a busy street in front of heavy traffic like that? And NOW you're going toreward him?� The blind man hesitated a moment, then he said to the policeman, �Why, no sir! I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass!"

Monday, December 12th

Tuesday, December 13th
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!" The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!" She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!" The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..." The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

Wednesday, December 14th
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."' The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night."

Friday, December 16th
A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, " I must have you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said " When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened." An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said " That M.F. had $500 in quarters!"

Tuesday, December 20th

Thursday, December 22nd
The Law of the Jungle Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes. His friend looked at him. ''Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?'' ''I don't have to run faster than that tiger,'' his friend replied. ''I just have to run faster than you.''

Friday, December 23rd