You ever get the feeling that you just aren’t all that good looking? That's how I felt. I was somewhere between 11 and 13, and just starting to want more then my daddy to think I was pretty. Before, Daddy said my sweater was cute, and I wore it 24-7, but looking in the mirror, I was starting to notice other things. Tonight my hair was flat, my clothes fit me all wrong, and my feet were dirty... This is a story of what NOT to do. While my hair wasn't quite as long as it is now, it was still allot of hair, and when I got the curling iron out I didn't realize what a commitment that was, I spend HOURS. It took me hours to curl my whole head, but ahh! the reward! My hair, full and thick, and all around lovely, or at least I thought so, on to my clothes. I had one skirt that was even slightly in style, this was just when bell bottom pants were coming back in, and someone had given me a bell bottom skirt. Most of my skirts were VERY dory, but this skirt was my pride and joy, it was long, jean, white and most of all QUITE chick... or at least I thought it was chick. And so I slipped it on over my slip, and chose a shirt to go with it... once again my favorite pin stripes were just coming in, and this was a perfect example, green purple and white pin stripes all the way around, it was about the most stylish shirt I had. It landed just about half way over my belt in my skirt, so you could still see the belt, but it was still long enough that my parents would let me wear it, and I thought that was cool. I put on a pair of brand new socks. You have to understand about socks and my house. We have never been rich, and don't get me wrong, God has ALWAYS kept us in socks... but there was a flip side, that because socks, or at least brand new white socks were such a blessing, we took GREAT care of them. This was an extravagance that was not often took. Shoes are also in the , "God has kept us in them, but they come few and far between" category, we got two knew pairs a year, or if we grew out of them before Christmas or Easter, more then that... but for the most part, we got a pair of shoes for Christmas, and a pair of shoes for Easter... well I had only had this pair of shoes for about a week, so it must have been pretty close to Easter... They were my pride and joy. My first pair of suede shoes, they were so soft, you rubbed your hand on the leather, and all the little fuzzies felt so SOFT and silky to your touch, and even though they were soft and fuzzy, they were still shiny, the light reflected off them because they were so new and perfect. I washed my feet every time I put them on, and absolutely NO stepping in puddles, and so I surveyed myself in the mirror, My hair, for once puffy and full of bounce, my clothes to perfection... something was missing... reaching for my chap stick I added just a little of that, and then looking around I added some blush and eye shadow that I wasn't allowed to wear yet out side of playing dress up. I did a final glance over and I thought that I looked down right beautiful! I loved it! I felt like a princess! So there I stood, perfect in my favorite outfit in the whole world. There was one very small... or very huge problem... However you would like to look at it... I had no where to go in my outfit! I sat around, and then my mom said that my dad had gone to the neighbors, and I thought to myself, "Why not?" I might as well get use of my beautified look somehow even if it WAS an old man who I didn't really care WHAT he thought of me, it was better then nothing. Skipping out the door, I stopped for a moment... Everything was SOO wet! It had been raining, pouring actually, and everything was about as wet as it comes... one very vain problem... MY SHOES! Remember those little beauties? They couldn’t' get wet? and they were brand new, can you imagine ruining a brand new pair of shoes... and so I started hopping puddles... no I wasn't hopping INTO them, but hopping around them... and it was fun, I went down the side walk, and across the driveway. My Grandpa lived next door, and I needed to cross his yard to reach my destination, so I decided to take a short cut, and instead of going down the road around his yard, I would just walk right through it. Something we did allot... so much in fact that the landscaping was AWEFUL! There was a trail through the hedge where we always walked, and that spot was lower then the entire rest of the yard, and it was DEEP in mud. Since it was the rainy season we had had this problem before... and no problem, my brothers had thrown two couch pillows that we were getting rid of on top the mud, and so surveying the mess of mud, I decided to make the jump... even though the muddy place was ALLOT bigger, I figured I could jump that far to the couch pillow with out getting my shoes wet, and so I took my pose, pretending I was a beautiful ballerina, I backed up, and took a few quick steps before taking my flight over the muddy water... there are several things that I didn't notice however... several very disastrous things... couch pillows? Are made out of foam... Foam? Floats... Foam floats on water... and the puddle? Puddles are MADE out of water.... And our puddle... was also ALLOT deeper then it used to be... four inches of water... MUDDY water. I don't know if you have ever took a flying leap at your fastest spead and landed on a couch pillow that is floating on four inches of water, but the result is stunning! I hit the pillow feet first, and it acted just like a ski, it flew forward over the top of the mud... my feet went with it... but my head didn't... I flew across the puddle, the terrible realization that your falling backwards into a puddle of mud is... well... not pleasant, My perfect ballerina stance quickly became "falling mans frenzy" as my arms did frantic circling motions trying to save myself and catch my balance, in what seemed like painful slow motion, my skirt came flying up, and I landed bottom down right in the squishing ishing, absolutely disgusting, completely repulsive and totally unwanted puddle of yucky, ucky, mucky mud! I groaned as I felt the mud seeping up onto my skin, standing up, I surveyed myself.... from the front I looked okay, you would never know that the inside of my designer shape, WHITE, bell bottom skirt was completely covered with mud on the inside... and if you didn't look at my feet... me feet! MY SHOES! Oh no! I looked down to find them completely engulfed by a thick layer of brown mud, my socks... ruined! As I leaned forward to brush the mud off my shoes and saw my hair, my two hour style... was wet and full of mud... walking back towards the house like a toddler who has wet his under things with my arms spread out like I had sunburned arm pits, I limped towards the door, I opened it, about ready to burst into tears, I took of my shoes and socks, carrying them both, I walked towards the bathroom trying not to drip on the floor, I threw my socks on the washer and put my shoes in the sink, I took of my dirty clothes and washed in the shower, completely wetting my muddy two hour style... it was gone! It took ALLOT of scrubbing to get those clothes and my shoes clean, and my evening was filled with quite a bit of wounded vanity, but I learned two things that night, ONE, Never be so vain that you dress up for nothing, in your BEST clothes, and TWO, NEVER, EVER even in the neediest of circumstances take a flying leap onto a foam couch pillow that is floating on four inches of water... just don't do it!


From 1998...Written July 12 2004,