Disclaimer: It's not mine. I don't own these characters.

Warnings: Shonen Ai, massive homosexual movement, Yuriko, Ouka, Sakura bashing, fairly humorous character deaths (just the girls, don't worry)

A/N: I was showing my friend Weiss the other day, and I was thinking about all the trouble those girls put our boys through. I figured it would probably convert even the straightest guys after all the problems those women cause. Here's the story I made to back it up.

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The reason why the Weiss boys are all gay

Ken cracked first:

Yuriko: Hi, I'm Yuriko!

Ken: I'm Ken.

Yuriko: I'm going to Australia. You should come with me!

Ken: I can't. I have responsibilities.

Yuriko: Wah! I'm going to drink this poisoned water then and cry and make you feel miserable.

Ken: Dammit! You women are so much trouble. Always whining and complaining and crying. I've had enough. From now on, I'm gay!

Yuriko: What've I done?!

Then came Omi:

Ouka: Hi Omi-kun.

Omi: Go away. You're annoying.

Ouka: I really love you Omi.

Omi: I like you too, I guess.

Ouka: What?! I just admitted my undying affection for you and all you can say is you -like- me?!

Omi: Uh. . .

Ouka: At least I'll always have your brotherly love.

Omi: Imouto-chan! WAI!

Ouka: (cough choke die)

Omi: Ah! OUKA! That's it! I've had it! Every time I get close to somebody, they go off and die! Well, except for my teammates. Hm. . . but they're all guys! Oh well. I was never homophobic anyway.

Yohji was next:

Yohji: ASUKA ASUKA ASUKA!

Neu: I'm Neu dammit!

Yohji: No! You're Asuka! I know it!

Neu: Die freak!

Yohji: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Neu: (dies)

Yohji: Asuka. . . (sighs) well, at least I'll always have Manx.

Manx: No thanks, pervert.

Yohji: WHAT?! The patented Kudou Method failed?! This is miserable. Manx rejected me again, and every time I meet a woman, Asuka's ghost hunts me. Wait a minute! This never happens with men! Ok! Gay it is then!

Manx: Oh brother.

And finally Aya lost it:

Sakura: I love you Aya! I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!

Aya: No! You're my little sister dammit!

Sakura: Don't you love me? For me? For Sakura?

Aya: Aya-chan! Takatori Shi-Ne!

Sakura: Oh shut up already. Aya-chan this, Aya-chan that - she's all you ever talk about! Why can't you just give up on her and accept me?! She's dead anyway!

Aya: (twitches)

Sakura: (gulps)

Aya: You insulted Aya-chan. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-NEEEEEEEEE! (impales her)

Sakura: (collapses) Aya-san. . . no. . . I thought you loved me. . .

Aya: Loved -you-?! No way! I love - erm - HIM! (grabs Ken)

Ken: HEY! Let go! I'm not. . . . oh, wait. Yes I am.

Aya: . . .

Ken: . . .

Sakura: Onegai shimasu. . . help me, please. . .

Ken: So. . . you wanna go get dinner or something?

Aya: Mm. (they both leave)

Sakura: Aya-san! (sobs and dies)

Omi: Ewww, look, a dead person.

Yohji: Let's throw it in the dumpster.

And so ended the reign of the straight Weiss boys of Koneko no Sumu Ie. What a tragic story - not.

Oh? And what about Schwarz, you ask?

Nagi: Tot, I love you!

Tot: Tot loves you, too, Nagi-kun! (Farfie stabs her) Gasp! (dies)

Nagi: Tot! No! I'll remember you always! I'll never love another girl again! . . . Wait. . . does that make me gay?

Farfie: Homosexuality hurts my higher power!

Kami-sama: It does not!

Farfie: Ah! Kami-sama has come al last! Quick, where are my knives?!

Schu: Girls are so whiny and obnoxious. Their minds aren't fun to read or play with. I'll be gay!

Brad: . . .

Schu: (grins)

Brad: I'm surrounded by idiots.

Schu: I wuv you Bwadley!

Brad: (blush)

Schu: MUAHAHAHAHA!

(Omi and Yohji enter the scene)

Brad: Weiss! . . . Hey, where's your moron of a leader?

Aya (offstage): I am not a-

Yohji: He's on a date.

Brad: A DATE?!

Yohji: (grinning) With Ken.

Brad: WHAT?!?!?!

Omi: Can we hang out with you guys?

Nagi: (blush) Omi-kun, will you be my friend?

Omi: I'll be more than your friend, Nagi-kun.

Nagi: O.O

Omi: ^_^ hehehe!

Yohji: Jeez! Get a room you two!

Farfie: Playing with Weiss hurts God!

Kami-sama: Would you stop -saying- that?!

Farfie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He has come for me at last!

Kami-sama: Oh brother. How'd I end up with someone like him on my hands?

Brad: . . . (begins beating himself with a metal pole) Why-(clank)-didn't- (clank)-I-(clank)-foresee this?!

Yohji: Is he always like that?

Schu: Pretty much, yeah. But I love him anyway! ^_~

Brad: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (runs from the room)

Ken (offstage): Mmmm. . . y'know Aya, as good as that feels, I'm not sure you should touch me like this. . . it's only our first date after all. . .

Yohji/ Schu: O.O

Ken (offstage): Well, when you put it like -that-. . .

Yohji: I'm never gonna sleep again.

~Owari!~