Aya walked back from the little plot of land that was destined to be Ken's resting place for all eternity , and tried to quench the bitter agony welling up in his heart .

Slowly , with the frailness of an old man , he opened the door to his car and sank into the seat . He turned the ignition and the engine , sputtering , came to life .

Aya drove through the streets .

It was quiet .

The world was mourning the loss of its most beautiful creature and the solitude was one of agony .

Aya laid his head against the rest , his eye barely on the road . It didn't matter anyway ... Ken was dead . Gone . Lost ...

Nothing matters anymore , nothing but the pain . Mauve eyes stared , unseeing .

That silent biting misery that tears at your heart and gnaws your gut .

The wind whipped across his face like an angry whiplash ; physically hurting .

Everything in this whole fucking world is twisted .

Everything that ever showed beauty and light died or was killed off .

Why is God so damn unfair ?

Why did He take the only things that matter .

Did He enjoy human pain ?

Was He some kind of sadist who reveled in men's agony ?

Maybe He was just selfish .

Maybe God was just selfish .

Maybe He wanted everything beautiful for Himself --- and he took Ken .

After all , He created everything for his pleasure ; what did one person's pain matter to Him ?

The car swerved and the right side rolled on the gravel , Aya didn't care .

Maybe God was going to show some pity and take him away as well ... and he'd be happy . Maybe for one moment , he'd have the opportunity to see Ken ; wherever he is and he'd spend a whole eternity burning in hell just for that one moment .

The car cruised to a bumpy halt .

Hell ...

Hell reminded him of the moment Ken shouted his name amidst the burning inferno

- and he hadn't done anything to save him . Nothing .

Aya was useless bastard .

He should have run in

He should have tried to save Ken from his nightmare .

But he didn't .

Maybe he was just as selfish as God ...

Maybe he deserved to burn in hell for all eternity .

He had just watched as Ken shouted his name .

Aya ... help me ...

A red-breasted cardinal fluttered on a tree branch and started to sing a mournful ballad .

Maybe it was one of God ... and pain ...

Or maybe it was one of love ... and of redemption ...

The hollow tunes echoed in his heart .

Aya buried his head in his hands as tears began to fall down pale wintry cheeks . Like a stream freezing as it trickles down the mountainside .

It was the first time he had ever cried in earnest .

Aya ... help me ...

" I love you Ken ... save ... me ... please ..."

And it began to rain . The king of rain that was perfect to complement the mortal agony on earth .

Maybe God knew how to love after all .

- - -