There is no need to try to bring about anarchy; if a government is truly flawed it will destroy itself in due time. - Philip Musial The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. - Calvin, to Hobbes I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak. - Calvin To rebel! That is the immediate objective of poets! We can not wait and will not be held back...The "poetic marvelous" and the unconscious are the true inspirers of rebels and poets - Philip Lamantia I really believe, or want to believe, really I am nuts, otherwise I'll never be sane. - Allen Ginsberg Madness is confusion of levels of fact...Madness is not seeing visions but confusing levels. - William Burroughs ladies and gentlemen, an aside please. we all think we are different. when enough of us get pissed off and do something about it, a counterculture can happen. we all know that a counterculture is the most beutiful thing we can have. every generation has theirs, often they are concidered cool(beats), sometimes rehashed for long periods of time (punk), some have a trancendental beauty, ravished in peace, love and togetherness that only young people can posses. that togetherness the hippies experinced is the most beutifull example. what im saying is, we need a new one. the 1995 or so scene of woodstock II type 'alternative' rock was decent, but just lead to a horrible woodstock99. we can do better. those of us that clinged to nerdyness, loved the beats, our kings were the beatles, and no one else knew them. punk showed promise, and some of us were taken in. Nirvana were gods. Curt Kobain, not an idol but an equal. i feel the need to comment now on curt. curt led the counterculture 1989-94 his death allowed and will allow many countercultures to have a commonground ie grief or understanding. ok we saw also recently america get worked from nothing to being purely upset, with the planes crashing and whatever, any way, we saw americas population go from Language is a virus. - Willaim Burroughs it humors me to note the fact that im using notepad to write. it humors me more to not the fact that im by far not the first person to not that he or she was using notepad to write with. its also funny to note that this whole line is not original at all. someone had to think of it first, but i know im not the first. if i am (this is around where it gets unoriginal) then this whole letter was what? pointless. lets also point out that i realize this makes people think that what im writing about is violent, or something and that merely the fact that i point that fact out is a violent thought, because technicly it was a thought that came from my head. i realize its not. i also relize that this loop im writing of (the realization (ok now i just sound crazy WRITING TO PROVE SANITY IS INSANE oh no now thats what im talking about, misinpterpreting. that dosent mean im insane, its that i realize its impossible to prove sanity, if you are going to view that writing to prove sanity is insane. now i realize im rambling, please belive that what im writing is about the fact that i realize that wondering about realizing is a waste of time. stopping my day right now to talk philosophicly about nothing is a compleete waist of my time. talking deep is something that can only be understood by deep thinkers, and those people dont want to listen to other peoples deep thoughts cause theres are better (an aside : yes i can chew on this pick and concentrate ok. anyway. john and i are talking right now and he is writing about some deep shit its talk about a movie about the blair witch prodject. hes talking about this part in it where these three people are camping and one kid wakes up missing, and all of a sudden they can hear a kid screaming alone in the woods.) so im writing about if im insane. here is the thing. all kids my age think they are insane. i realize its just a phase, and i guess that requires me to adress who im writing to. this must be a quandry. if i mention you (a group, one person, ME???) you are going to think that im insane (oh no i did it) am i you? if i am then your insane. but of course only the writing of a crazy person would ever have a line like that in it, and im writing it so logicly speaking im insane. this proves a misinterpretation to logicly be true i am the only person that understands this this is because these are my exact feelings and sometimes i make jokes to myself that some people dont get. if youre not smart enough to understand, then stop reading it. i dont want you to anyway. but if you think you are following me, go right ahead. obviously your following in my footsteps and i am in the same place where you are now stepping in my steps. see you step on my footstep, when i was at the place you are now, i was right where you were. but of course there is a small differecnce in where you put your foot, a few sand grains apart and whatnot, but anyway to go that deeply into where a foot is you have to look at alot more grains of sand, and that is just nit picking dont you ever feel that i should get rid of the nitpicking and get to the point. i cant, because you woulndt understand it if it wasnt adjusted a few grains away. (Computer programming reference) (adding that reference would be (is) a rip off of zen and the art of motercycle maintennince. what im talking about counterculterwise its the tom green culture. we thought he was kinda funny, but that weve had better ideas, or that our friends had anyway. its just that it has a market to be funny punk was musical somepeople didnt undrestand. they just kinda got the music. but misinterpreted it, and just enjoyed it because it was good music. its beyond funny get all the jokes and its not just any kinda funny its briliant learn all the songs and its not just 'good music' its 'briliant' people that dug music people that dug humorus music people that dug humor its just the natural way it works our music got dumbed down, and even the subversive was dumbed down to a humorus extent. so humor becomes popluar. its ok. i guess i can get over it music had a few different shades of exelence bethoven, bach, beatles im sure somepeople will keep it up. those folks that still hand make boats someday rock musicians will be like those old guys from maine that still make hand made boats. rembember that not an invitation or anything this is th you a mixed message, intrupted at the time of writing which was later read. stop reading this. he he thats something crazy people say anyway enough with the fucking barney back to buisness music counterculture there was a point to this somewhere im writing about music. i feel the need now to ramble a bit i feel like writing about this whole time repetition/other stuff thing its like those curly q's they put in a book. a nintendo @ thats all we are. information on one speck of the computer code. but its in assembly language, so we cant quite understand it we are all copies of the last guy, we can only judge ourselfs by what the last guy did. it goes back to the foot step in the sand theory you are always following in someone elses foot steps ((computer programmming, childhood) unless of course you are talking about walking an uncharted path) and when you are walking someone elses foot steps, you are alitte different then them, because you are coming from someplace else, your steps will never match anyones. a few grains of sand will be misplaced from him even walking there. levels explained: ))))paper towel racks at walmart(((( anyway i was here a minute ago.. hang on. hango on.. damnit trying to come back Grains of sand: relates to the sands underfoot of someone walking along a beach relates to the idea that we are all walking down a beach of life, and when we want to follow someone elses footsteps, you need to remember that the path will be alittle different for you because you have a different background than the other guy, all our experiences if thats what make us, then we are composed of those, and im losing my train of thought he he then were all rivers of people see i have to get deep here people and its hard to explain everything but i can do this i can be this we are all composed of our experiences. its one side to the whole answer to everything, that we are a compleete manifiestation of our thoughts and experiences. that the thoughts that we have, we are lucky to have had, because those thoughts may pass, and if we dont write them down then they wont be rememberd after the fact, so you write them down, so you can be accounted for something anyway. so anyway with that in mind, we are all composed of our experiences and since we all came from different points on that beach (we all come from different places) because we all react differently to what we see. but as we do that we are seeing the same major things. ie america at war, we are all in the beach of americas news hearings so we all react to that (maybe a grand ditch on the beach, ((another problem is that we are all so tightly packed in on our beach, and so much more is know now that its realy hectice, and you cant always see your feet to beable to even see if your foot steps are matching up with your parents, our whoevers footsteps you are trying to follow. you think you are following your parents, you havent realy checked. by now there are so many more foot prints of even the people ahead of you that are trying to follow the footsteps that your parents followed *They were following someone* and all the people they tried to follow, that there is this huge beach of foot prints now becuase so many people are walking ((ITS BEst to choose the road less traveled, go to the part of the beach where people havent walked, adn the people that have are all pretty ok)) so anyway get to a less full beach and walk with me for a while, im gonna go back to writing now ))) so we all react differently to what we see... we are all seeing the same major things. its possible to look down and notice a twig that woulve gone un noticed, although seen if you were worring about where you were walking and not what you were walking on. anyway. as another aside, i want to re aproach the well known fact that it is better to walk where no one has, but im gonna try to follow my own path, and try to pay a little attention to those peoples foot steps im crossing or following for the time being. the more people you watch, the more choices you have though realy. im going to bed, i can continue this type of discores whenver necisarey please feel free to edit this if you want. if you feeling ambitious i guess. otherwise do some pussy homework or something. hehe pot head ----- i find humor in the fact that im listenting to days and writing meniacly on note pad so anyway as far as subjects coverd so far writing about what im writing about - self doubt writing about coming together as a generation writing about following in other peoples footsteps and creating your own path time to smoke a bowl of marijuana i regret saying that i realy do the point is i can write sober, but its just not as fun. its sad to say realy. i can say the same thing, but i have to think alot less about it. pot makes me stupid. everything is more fun to stupid people. usualy what i have to say is listend to. thats because im a man of few words, and my words are direct. i realize things that compleetly amazing to me when im stoned. the most normal rational thing can seem amazing. }luckly im able control a little what im rambling about through sober self{ he he ive got to go to creative writing if i never do my best work in that class ill never be noticed. i need to start writing my best stuff in that book. true ramblings. i need to "Dedicate a page to the scott adams in me" (this isnt it, (the page about scott adams) im talking about adding that (this realy isnt at all scott adams, and im not tying to make it that way) ((god damn it. ok i have no idea if he over uses perenthesis or not. ive never actualy read any of it. so im not trying to make a joke at that fact, see ive never read it, so i know nothing about scot adams. now i think i was thinking about DOUGLAS adams, and im not a fucking retard. damn me. ive smoked myself retarded. back to base) ok i was just rambling there, those are my mathematical type writing parethesis. im pointlessly pointing out my parenthesis method. ok ill write about that i guess we are all read by something greater than us. we dont know yet what reads us, but this isnt realy important. its coming from the book that is being read. everything i say is like a parenthisis in this great book that is me. we are all just a parenthesis enclosed thought our thoughts are another parenthsis, what we say a more direct parenhesis. print is actualy closer to the book because its writen. a journal lasts a bit longer, and famous writings can be like bold print inside the parethises. or even a chapter, maybe we are parentheis mentiond in the parenthisis of the person they had you believing. like this person 1 believes in god a. god a is a parenthsis, as proven previously. person 1 is a parenthesis, as proven above. person 1 is parenthisis inside another parenthsisis, the parenthisis of his god. person 1 is a parenthisis inside god a. that was a bit of parenthisis work of mine. anywho. the more famous your writing becomes, the more ))stuff like this (((its more famous right)))like this stuff too its more important compared to the line above this (( ok get it. that stuff would be written in the same colomn as something famous, if this were a famous writing. that is becuase if what im saying is true then it would work like that. we cant prove that it is true however. it is niether disproveable nore proveable. a thin colomn of substance. it is the doorway area. the doors of perception. doors within doors. (inside (im in the middle, and less important.) on the left but still inside) the doors within the mind. im getting this. its gonna be saved on my computer. and if the readers know what they are doing. at least ill be remembered through this. its all about how were remembered. life is the phase of a being inwhich we strive to be remembered. id rather be a quiet poet, truley rembembered by few and misunderstood by many, then be understood by everyone? the hell. i want to matter, ok. yes i want to be famous, but there realy aint no fame for shy guys like me. if thought of alot. the best i can come up with is being a teacher or a writer or a musician or a father. i will do my best to be all of those, (obviously father is the most important , philisophilcly, logicly, and emotionaly) im not talking carrers, im talking about how i am to the people i meet. if my creative writing teacher asks where i was today during class my explination will be i was doing more poetic things. first of which is reaquanting myself with my best friend. me. im gonna do so using computers. i love computers, right? if there isnt one thing more than computers that i would want to do, what would it be? computers. thats what i always thought i wanted to do. But it was a highschool thing. i descovered it on my own. it was just like what do you want to search for in the carrer choosing thing? you know right, everyone choose the one you want. bitch didnt let me rethink. why didnt she tell me to rethink. what a bitch. people always said i should get into music. music is just the way i talk to the world (im not very good but at least it try to be) but halloin knew better. she was the fucking best band kid in the city at one point. daddy was the mayor and she coulda made it. she knew i shouldnt get into music, im from green bay. no way in hell will one of the bottom rung musicans in green bay get big in the scene? i was bottom rung thats why. i was allowed to lead. i wasnt very good at it, i abused my power but my mom and dad raised us to be leaders. my sister is a born leader. fucking 100%. i think im a born rebel. but one that is used to being lead by someone strict, so hes gotta realy use his brain to get out of a jam. my parents ran a tight ship. my sisters was just as tight. she ran the tightest ship, and i always did my best to screw around in school. it went from mis behiavior to lazyness im active i can activly doodle. )im gonna tune out to the doors (see what i mean, its all in the perenthisis man. i will save and close this now, and this paper will live alone in my files. a parenthis. it be better if it was in print. anywho. this conversation is over == my high is over now. i think i might start looking over my calculus. that might take more weed actualy. hrm. i need need need need a job. im about to start sucking cock for coke, just to sell the coke for pot. (bad movie quote, sorry) anyway the topic of writing about how bad my writing is. if i would stop writing about self doubt, people could be duped into thinking i dont have any, and thats a good thing i guess. mosltly though because self doubt is the worst human emotion there is. self assurence, the opposite is much more bueatiful and more useful.