Awakened Living~Holistic Living Focus and Perspective Reiki~Healing for the Highest Good
They are coming to change the earth, bringing new energies and insights to show us the future. Are we, then, to learn from them and be guided by them? Is the old paradigm of parent teaching child to change?
Is there nothing for parents and caregivers to teach our wonderful children? Or will they do their work and we follow?
Not quite. The world is not as ready as it might have been. Not all parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, doctors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists are ready for the new children. Those who do know still have to be advocates for their children.
Trying to fit light energy, a mind roaming the stars, calculating unbelievable formulae, into the paradigm of schooling, society, and standardized tests has led to many children being diagnosed or “suspected” of having attention deficit disorders, learning disabilities, and behavioral problems. When I would wonder why my son could solve complicated math problems and yet hesitate when asked his times table for the umpteenth time, his principal told me: “his thinking is here [gesturing high] and our question is here [gesturing low].” It was a wonder the principal could see that!
“We didn’t think about these things as much as you did”, exclaimed an aunt when I pointed out the differing views parents have about kids’ education, “We were more natural.” She certainly seemed more confident; but suppressed feelings and doubts could be lurking! Today, parents are very involved in parenting; from the moment of deciding whether or not to have a child. We, of course, analyze the parenting skills of our parents, and our spouse’s parents as well! Rarely in other times have so many parents so consciously and with such great care, debated the best decisions to make for their children; discussed ways of improving their skills, or been discontented with some of their own actions.
The change that is to come has begun; the players have been cast; and the setting has begun to define itself.
Before becoming a parent, I had plenty of time to think about parenting. I had taught child and developmental psychology, enjoyed listening to parenting highs and lows from my friends who became mothers and fathers before me and learned some ancient wisdom about children and parenting from my parents and other sources. Having to rest during a part of my pregnancy, I decided to compensate by drowning myself in reading parenting books. The children made sure I had this training!
One thing stood out from all this exposure: there are no final, definitive answers about parenting. Except this: the parent-child combine is a unit; and the unit is benefited by the parents’ self-awareness so that they can follow their inner guidance about raising the child. Parenting is the interaction of the parent and child: what parents are, and how they view themselves, their child, and the choices available to them on one hand; and on the other hand, the child, a unique individual, though s/he follows an almost-set pattern of development.
In every stream of their child’s development, parents find themselves faced with the need for making decisions: physical, motor, speech, emotional, social, intellectual [understanding/creativity], and moral. Each of these aspects of development is clearly visible in children, and yet all are interlinked and inter-dependent. What is the test to see whether we are making the right decisions? Is there one particular aspect of development that underlies all others?
Take a moment for this visualization:
Imagine your children laughing, and playing around together. They are just back from school. One is a middle-schooler, and one is in elementary school.
What are your feelings?
Usually, are you aware about each level of your reaction to what your children are doing?
Today’s parents often regret what they have done, or not done. They anguish about how the kids are behaving, sometimes wanting to escape while always wondering how to handle their role better. Apart from the love and joy we feel as parents, there is a lot of emotion in our parenting role! Being emotionally attached to our children, we inevitably bring our emotions to play in most decisions about them. Our own emotional maturity plays a crucial part in how we guide them.
Are parents trying to do too much? Feeling driven to do it all: to make sure their kids learn languages, go for gymnastics classes, learn to read before starting school, do more than they did as children, be competitive? Yes, we are; and it is because we are responding to others around us, and also to our children who seem so ready! This is a fertile breeding ground for stresses, disturbances and over-compensation for both children and parents.
There is still one aspect that often gets overlooked. Emotions. Emotional development ties together all other aspects of development.
Want to know how you are parenting? Think of the last time you and your child laughed happily together. When did you last feel the joy of parenting, of being with your child? When did you last see the shine of pure merriment in your child’s eyes? When did any of this last happen and you let it continue, remembering neither housework, office, school nor homework? The light heart can lighten the world
Emotions unlock the doorways of possibility. They are the thread that binds together all other aspects of development.
Parents or caregivers have to take care of the child’s emotional development. All other aspects of development can be handled by others: teachers, coaches, grandparents, therapists, even television and the media. But emotions are first expressed – or suppressed - in the presence and consciousness of parents. Children are unaware of their own emotional response!
Regardless of their level of intelligence or physical development children cannot consistently perform to their potential in all areas of life if they are emotionally disturbed; cannot find the will to persevere, or the energy needed to go on.
The new earth is made up of rounded, integrated, whole, healed people. Emotions are the key.
Emotions [from the Latin “emovere”, to move, as in motive] are a uniquely human phenomenon. No other being has the range of emotions that humans have. The love of angelic beings is a divine state of being; not a feeling as we understand it. Human emotions have attachment, behaviors, and residues. They can be expressed, suppressed, repressed, projected, or shared. They provide us with the energy to fulfill our purpose in the material world: to meet people, to have the will to succeed and to form bonds with others. Though expressed through ego, they allow the ego to be transcended. Babies have nowhere near the range and depth of emotions they will have in the few short years of infancy. We may sense the wisdom they have brought, and the spiritual connection that they do not seem to lose, as earlier generations did; but emotions are another matter altogether.
Parents can help children to fulfill their purpose for a new earth by ensuring that their kids’ emotions develop healthily. To do this, we can follow the KEY model: Know how emotions develop, Express emotions appropriately, and Yoke emotions to fulfill our purpose.
1. Know about emotions: how they develop and motivate.
Psychologists have mapped the way that emotions differentiate at different ages. The baby rapidly develops from feeling only a general distress or delight, to a range of emotions by the second year. For instance, the one-month-old cannot feel jealousy, as a two year old can. When jealousy develops, e.g., we can expect it, watch for it, and use our energy in helping the child deal with its expression rather than rue its coming. We need to help children to learn to know their emotions. We also need to learn about our own changing emotions.
Sources of information include psychology books, as well as our awareness of our own and our children’s emotions.
2. Express our own emotions so that children too can learn to express emotions appropriately to help them adapt socially and also provide them with the required level of energy and motivation. This is just as necessary as their need to walk or eat by themselves.
When a child does not seem to mind being scolded, does that mean there is no emotional response? It could also be that the child has learned to suppress the response. When they are quick to fight, does that mean they are aggressive? They may give over-importance to the reactions of others, through low self-esteem. Is a quiet child happy or resigned? We need to watch our children, and not judge their personalities or emotions by the expression alone. To do that, our own emotions have to be under our control.
What use to tell a child to be brave till he has fully experienced his fear with the support of a calm parent; what possibility of calming anger if it is suppressed into illnesses? How wonderful if the child is allowed to express rage, seeing the parent’s calm acceptance. If the pains about the world can be expressed to a caregiver, the child can be taught not to express in an inappropriate situation. Which child would resist guidance from the parent, then? Can the parent not stay calm in the face of a two- tween- or teenager’s rage? How can we teach the child appropriate expression if we have not developed it in ourselves? We certainly cannot teach how to handle anger with anger, or how to love with coldness.
“We are the generation that first had to listen to our parents and now to our children,” remarked a parent ruefully. How wonderful to use the tools available today, to do so! Healing, lightwork, meditation, self-help – many inner and outer guides!
3. Yoke our emotions to our purpose.
Help children to channel their emotions, so that they can achieve their goals. Talk to the children about their emotions. Help them to use language for expression. Yoga is excellent for helping children use physical cues for emotion.
In discussing anger with children, one useful mantra I have found for frequent “negative” emotions, like anger or anxiety, is to ask oneself: “What can I do next?” Sometimes a child is too shy to express their liking for someone. That is something that needs to be taught as well, so that there is a maturity of response.
There is a reason why such a wealth of emotion is given to the human being alone. Let us allow ourselves and our children to know emotion and harness the energy of the indigo and crystal into the material dimension.
We are all children of the new earth, as we grow together to birth the new way of life on the planet.
The parent asked: How can the most difficult job in the world be entrusted to the untrained arms of any parent?
In a flash came the reply: Between the tottering of a child's footsteps and the tentativeness of the parent's touch...
A star comes to shine...
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Meenakshi Suri facilitates healing of the life situation of children and adults, individually or in groups; and moderates online groups for healers. A student of theosophy and metaphysics from an early age, she is a Traditional Usui Reiki Master / Teacher, using MPRUE, EMF Balancing, Magnified Healing and other energy healing methods. She has a Master’s degree in Psychology and has worked with individuals and groups in the educational and marketing field for a number of years.
Holistic Parenting: http://www.geocities.com/holistic-life/parenting.html
Awakened Living~Holistic Living Focus and Perspective Reiki~Healing for the Highest Good
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