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HOLIDAYS WITH SUNDAE
Conversations with my Cat
By James T. Baker
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�James, tell me, why do some humans have hair on their faces and others do not?� It was my cat Sundae who asked the question. Sundae can talk, and she is always trying to figure people out. �All cats have whiskers,� she explained her question.
�Well,� I said, putting down the book I was reading. Conversations with Sundae take some time. �There are people can�t grow facial hair. Women can�t.�
�You�re wrong there,� Sundae said. �I saw a woman on television, they called her a torch singer, and she had hair on her lip, lots of it.�
�Maybe so, but that�s rare. Most women don�t have the right hormones.�
�With us cats it makes no difference about gender. I�m feminine, and I have a very fine set of whiskers.�
�Most becoming,� I said.
�Thank you.�
�You�re welcome,� I said. �But most women can�t grow facial hair, while they keep all of it on top of their heads. With men it�s the opposite. They can grow it on their chins, but they don�t have the harmones to keep it on top.�
�That explains your chin and dome,� Sundae said with a malicious grin.
�Thank you.�
�You�re welcome,� Sundae nodded. �But I still don�t understand why human men and women are different that way.�
�Well, when I was a boy I was told in church that man was created in the image of God and woman was created from a rib in man�s side. So man looks like God. . .�
�And woman looks like a rib.�
�No,� I laughed.
�And God has a beard and is thin on top.�
�I don�t know about that,� I kept on laughing.
Sundae knows when she has touched my funny bone, and she always keeps on clowning. �I�ll bet God likes to watch football too.�
�Sundae, stop it.� I was breaking up.
�All right,� she said with mock gravity, �why can�t some men grow hair on their chins?�
�Mature men can. After they�re fifteen or so.�
�What about Bill Clinton and George Bush? They can�t. And most of the talk show hosts can�t.� Sundae watches a lot of television.
�Sure they can. They just shave it off each morning. They want people to see their faces clearly.�
�Why? Except for Bill Clinton, most of them would be better off covering up some of their ugly, the way you do, James.�
�Thanks again,� I said. �In politics people won�t vote for a man with a beard. They think you can�t trust a man with facial hair. He might be hiding something.�
�What about Abe Lincoln? He was one of the greats. He freed the slaves. He was as honest as the day is long. He had a beard.�
�Not when he was elected. He grew it afterward.�
�Oh. Well, what about the talk show hosts? The ones who don�t have beards, does that mean they shave?�
�Yes. In most cases.�
�They�re not politicians. So they shave because they want us to see their good looks?�
�I suppose.�
Sundae looked at me for a long time. �James,� she said at last. �I�m glad you have that messy beard of yours.�
�You are? Why?�
�Two reasons. One, it covers up part of your face, which is good for everyone; and two, I don�t want you to become president or a talk show host.�
�You wouldn�t want to live in the White House or have me talk about you on television?�
�Nope. I�d rather live here, in my own little stream, and circle in my own water.�
�All right then.�
�James?�
�Yes?�
�I�m glad you�re as ugly as God.�
Sundae's E-Mail Link
