ive heard all your words already several times
and i would wholly and heartily appreciate it if you would do me the favor of keeping your mouth shut this time
i know you often think of me as worthless despite the fact that you have used me to make sure that you are provided for
it would be a glorious day someday if you would see how i really feel and maybe look into my thoughts and see how many times ive wanted to say screw saving face and break into tears

and really
im close
im so close
to snapping
tomorrow
maybe next week
maybe next week
to snapping

you probably also wont ever realize that i live each day carrying the burden of being born a male and wanting to live as a woman
not a crossdresser not a pseudo kind of thing its just that this is who i am inside and i know no one that i truly care about will ever accept it
its all right yes really its always ok as long as you have your alcohol and your friends from work who drink your alcohol with you and invite you over to their place in mexico
and i have my notepad and my rhymes and my music that tries to emulate the beautiful heartfelt and sometimes cathartic emotions of my heroes and my constant thoughts of suicide

and really
im really close
im so close
to breaking
tomorrow
i dont want to use my fist
i dont want to cut myself
so very close

and really
im really close
im so far gone
no one is helping me
tomorrow
i want to be all better
i want it to be all better
i want to be all better....

7:20pm 12-30-04 erin roberts