sitting here
on a pillow
the space heater keeping my feet warm
a blue blanket over my legs
that used to be carlos's

my room is a mess
and so is my hair
im listening to "anywhere"
you know id love to take my lover there

it gets too hot
then it gets too cold if i turn the heater off
i cant be comfortable
i cant fall asleep
maybe i would do some sewing
if i had something to sew

my mom is coming to visit in a couple weeks
im wondering if she will freak out when she sees the skirt in my broken dresser
or that victoria's secret catalog im too lazy to put away

my leg hurts
from the heat
i rub it
and i feel the prickly hairs

i have dried tears on my face
from singing along with alanis morissette
and i have grease on my hands
from working at wienerschnitzel

i wonder if i should be less selfish
but compared to others i am "too soft"
the paradox drives me nuts
i just want to run away from this life
with Amanda
it would be so much easier
without money or food or jobs or diplomacy
but thats not the way it is

i need a shower
i need a better job as always
but i dont feel motivated still
all i really want is just pure love

why cant we all just flow forth with pure love?

2:03am 11-22-04 Erin Roberts