im so sick of being here
beth is getting on my nerves
and carlos is pissing me off
im sick of all the manipulation
ive done what i can for you
but i guess i am a little selfish
cause i am not doing everything you tell me to
all this time i thought i was so masochistic
maybe i am
but im not your bitch

i'll lie here
with a head cold
crying
the marmalade has spoiled for me
and poison is draining into my stomach

i thought i was getting better
but it was all a facade

youre selfish beth
carlos you are driving us all crazy
all these ones that seemed to want to help me
are liars
and i have done nothing to save myself
im so lazy
whats wrong with me?

a little marmalade boy
a little more fiction
its so much easier to live in fantasy
so little effort is required
and there i find ones i can relate to
not here
maybe i am just so blind

why did i ever want to move to chula vista?
what compelled me to move in with the sister i never got along with?
how could i have forgotten that i hated carlos?
why couldnt i have had a little more hope for Amanda's return?

i am so fucked

4:34pm 11-12-04 Erin Roberts