| Being left out is what I do best. My friends sometimes ignore me, they think IM to stupid or dumb to do some of the things they do. I guess being immature makes people think that you cant have a intelligent conversation with them. For a second I thought no one liked me, I though I was a worthless person. Last fall I was smoking a cigarette and I threw it out the window. I went into the school and I remember throwing the cigarette out the window. For a second I thought "did it go out the window?" did I knock the cherry on the floor mat?" I started to feel funny. I was afraid that I might catch the truck on fire. Arson is a good 12 years in a prison. So the whole day I looked out the many windows in my school. Waiting for the smoke to rise up and catch fire to the truck. I was waiting for an explosion. IM am a pussy, IM the scared one that ruins everyone else�s fun, IM a anorexic elf that is to week to load up the sleigh on Christmas Eve. Every where I go I bring boredom, In the future when aliens try and take over the planet it will be people like me who die first. You know the saying only the strong will survive, I don�t think pussies qualify as strong. People think when I get into a fight ill go psycho and almost kill the mother fucker whos trying to kick my ass. That�s not going to happen. When I was on my pills which were more like crack id have my highs and lows. When I kicked my older sisters ass so many times, it was because I was coming down from a high. All the shit she use to give me and all the time she spent kicking my ass just built up and I unleashed me rage. All the hatred and pain I felt toward my sister turned into a psychopathic rage. Teachers say IM gifted and smart, they don�t know what there talking about. I�m typing this right now because I cant sleep. I hope I can sleep later. I NEED SLEEP!!! If I don�t get sleep I start to get depressed. I cant get depressed again. I wish I had someone to be with me, To make me feel better when I was low. But that�s something u cant have when your a shy pussy. |
| Random Thoughts 5/28/01 |
| 6/9/01 |
| Its summer, and as some people notice the days start to get slower and slower. Half way through the summer some people get bored of the long days and wish they could go back to school. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are who u think you are. I am not special. I am no different than everybody else. I am from the same toxic rat infested slime pool as everybody else. The truth is even as we struggle to be different none of us are. They confuse us with television commercials that say "embrace what makes you different", and the other ones that say "don�t hate others because were all the same". What�s up with that bull shit. |
| 9/ 23/01 |
| Its Fall now....and some fucked up shit is happening. planes are flying into buildings and people are dying and people say that we are united as one and shit like that. THATS FUCKIN BULL SHIT!!!! we aint united, we aint one, we are shit flakes stuck on a retarted kids new adidas. People all through time have been saying the end is here and shit like that. This is not the end. its only the beginning. Its the beginning of death and war. war is bull shit. they killed a whold bunch of us and shit like that and now look....were gonna end up killing more people. killing those people wont solve any thing. Did any one ever tell yall that 2 wrongs dont make a right. I was telling some mutha fuckas about this shit and the just replyed with some shit from the bible that says and eye for and eye or some shit like that. thats some bull shit 2. Fuck it Im sick of this shit. |
| 12/2/01 |
| Its always the same thing. You meet her, she pulls you out of that dark lil hole which I call depression. And once as u feel u can trust that person, and you get some serious feelings for that person they shove u back in that hole never to bee seen again. I am Joe�s lack of surprise, I am Joe�s broken heart, I am Joe�s��whatever. You know those dreams in which you have something that you have always wanted. And when you wake up your expecting to have it but then you realize it was just a dream. That�s how I feel. Ill wake up and she wont b there. |
| 4/04/02 |
| I was thinking about shit. life and how shits goin and shit liek that. did u ever have a day where u felt like every thing you do aint worth shit. like i was thininking about my rapping my writting and everything i do. i felt like none of this is worth any thing because im not going to make it any where. then i realizred imdoubting my self and i cant do that. i got to get up and give it my all. i cant give up, i cant stop now. and another thing. the whole love subject. it feels liek i gots a space that needs to b filled. 2 weeks ago i had my first one night stand. it was the shit but i sould still rather have just one chick insted of playing biutches and shit. like my homie hes gots lots of girlfriends and shit and he likes it that way. but i would jsut rather just have one chick.......yeah |
| Why the fuck do i always have to write about love in shit.........FUCKTHATSHIT!!!! i aint gonna write about that hsit today. ive been working really hard lateley and shit. jsut trying to make some cash and shit. i gots me a great new lady friend. shes great. i got money, womenz, a great family and home but for some reason im still not fuckin happy, now what the fuck is up with that shit. bak in the day i wrote i needed a women and now i got one. ive needed a job for so long to get money and now i do why the fuck cant i b happy right now. its even summer time and i aint even got no skool, people actually liek my music and shit and i still aint happy. whathefuck am i looking for. and those one mutha fuckas.....the ones that be hating jsut because im different and those mutha fuckers that wont hang out with me cuz i embarrass them.........i gotta tell yall something FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU MUTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!! |
| 6/26/02 |