| My story by Josiah Kuchler Life suck when all your friends only like your because your known as "The Funny Kid". Id try to sleep at night, but I couldn�t help but stay up all night worrying bout what was going to happen the next day. After about a week without sleep your start to see thing differently. Your friends become annoying, and the annoying people become your friends. When your sitting in class the teachers voice sounds more like a fire alarm, or a bunch of screaming babies. Then the depression kicks in. With depression everything seems 10 times worse than it actually is. After many years of it you start to become hard. As your family and friends are grieving over a lost loved one u cant help but get away and think about how stupid they r for wasting there time crying over some dead guy. How did this all start? When did my life become so meaningless? These are the questions I ask myself everyday. I think it all began when I moved away from all my friends�.No, wait. It started when I was 6. My dad had just left to butt fuck Utah or something for work. And my mom decided to run away to the carnival for some reason. After my father had found out that my mom was sleeping with the guy that ran the Ferris wheel that�s when my life changed. I was sent to my dads ex-wife�s house. I spent a good month there. I hung out with my half sister and watched a lot of TV. Then my dad came back. We went back to my old house and lived there wile my mom was working at the carnival. The my mom came back. Restraining orders, cops being called, life had just began to suck. Now things became fucked up. My mom and dad got back together. But my dad still had to work. We moved to Lewiston Idaho sometime in January of 93. After living there for about 4 months we moved to American Falls Idaho on April 4th of 93. Its funny how I remember that day. It was a Saturday. The following. Monday I started school. When I walked into the classroom I got all my stuff ready and I needed to sharpen my pencil. I got up and asked where the pencil sharpener was and then she called a kid over to help me with the electric pencil sharpener. "Henry, will u show Josiah how to work the pencil sharpener?" I had never seen a electric pencil sharpener before. Time passed and I hung out with my cousin woody whom I had known for my whole life for the rest of my 2ed grade year. Woody wasn�t really my cousin. Are mothers had known each other for a long time. Woody�s mom marred my uncle and had 2 daughters. They divorced and then she married another man. Then 9 months later woody was born. We grew up just calling each other cousins. Well anyway in American Falls I had a crush on Woody�s cousin Sarah. She was so beautiful. (she still is) I liked her sense the first day I seen her. Well 3rd grade sucked. Nothing impotent happened then, 4th grade was another story. Me and some friends started hanging out at the slide. That year I formed my first gang. We had people from all over hanging with us. A person that I wanted in but the other two leaders didn�t want in was a kid named Ben DeGiliuo. I got him in and it was all good. We became best friends. The whole gang thing was going good till the end of the 4th grade year. We had a war with some girls that wanted to play on our slide. There was hair pulling, hostage taking, rock throwing and a whole bunch of running around. Some stupid little girl got hurt and told on us. The gang didn�t last much longer after all 14 of us went into the principles office. After that we all went to the middle school. In the 5th grade I met another friend. He had been Ben�s friend sense kindergarten. Kyle was the shit. The last remnant of our gang was me Ben and kid named Chris and now Kyle. The rest of 5th grade pretty much sucked. 6th grade I had my first girlfriend I was so happy, and that was also when we started hanging out with Henry White(the kid who taught me how to use the electric pencil sharpener) That was also the year when the put me on some funky medication and diagnosed me with depression. I took 2 pills every morning. The A.D.D pill and some prozac. The A.D.D pills made me shaky. Id sit in class and just shake all hour. Late nights id stay up and watch that one blond chick on all the info-mercials. I counted how many different info-mercials id see her in, in one night. I think I counted 8 in 3 hours. Id stay up all night and go to school the next morning. That was my first case of insomnia. The 7th grade pretty much sucked and the 8th wasn�t much better. But that year I herd ICP for the first time and I was hooked on the dark carnival. I think all that shit I went through as a little kid tweaked with my brain. Then the 9th Grade was starting out good. I was in high school and every thing was good�till the day my parents said we were moving. Ben had just moved to Alaska a few months before and now I was. The day I moved Woody and Kyle came over Hank (Henry) was also there. Hank gave me a fist pack and I said my good byes. The night before I had painted my face up and rode around town scaring people. I said bye to Sarah whom I still liked and it was all good. We stayed at my uncles house in Newman Lake Washington or something like that 4 about 2 weeks then I moved in with one of my sisters and started school in Rathdrum Idaho. The only friend was a dog named Tyler. He was the shit! I was depressed, life there sucked. Then my parents moved out of my uncles house and got an apartment in Rathdrum. My parents were both working and I was alone in the apartment most of the time. I didn�t have friends because I chose not to make friends. For 3 months I was stuck in the apartment talking to myself and watching TV. The only bit of light there was to lift me from my depression was a Phone card I would sometimes get every other week to call my friends. The cool cards were the ones that had 1000 minutes on it so I could talk for a long time. Now I thought Life was going to get better. My parents decided to Move back to the town of my birth, Kellogg Idaho. I started school and I made some friends. It was 5th hour and these girls who met me the hour before wanted me to come over and talk to them and there friend. His name was Joseph Tegeler. I got him and the other people to like me by letting them hear my songs and drawing funny pictures and saying stupid stuff. We became friends and we hung out a lot because he just happened to live across the street from me. He introduced me to his friends Nick, Dustin, John, and then hooked me up with some skates. I learned to ride the halfpipe and it was going good. Summer came and I was leaving back to American Falls for a summer visit. I was happy because I was going to see all my friends again. Ben was coming back down to live with his dad so it was all good. The night I got there they told me about TD (team distructo) there newly found gang. And so we clamed out territory and hung out there every night and tagged the hell out of it. It was all good. Summer was now over and I came back up here. With blue hair and very scrubby looking. I had to cut off my hair because my dad said so. School started back up and now I was a sophomore. Day and day went bye, and I guess I thought my friends weren�t going to like me any more because I had lost my funniness. My songs were more laid back and cool and not stupid and funny. That�s when it started screwing with me. I was worrying a lot�.hold on�..lets back track a bit. When I was in the 8th grade me and hank got arrested for stealing and my punishment was to got to a class called short stop. It scared the hell out of me. I don�t like being handcuffed and shackled taken in to the maximum security part of the prison and being told I was going to get but plugged by some fat ass inmate who wasn�t restrained. After that my friends told me I wasn�t the same. I became a paranoid fucked up freak. The paranoia and all the worrying about the future kept me up all night. The Depression was back. I didn�t sleep for a week. I was suicidal. I wanted to end my worthless life. I wrote a 3 page essay about how I wanted to kill myself and handed it in to the teacher. They all freaked out and I spend some time in the counselors office. But who knows, I might fall back into the hole of depression once again. With no way to get out, praying for a speck of light to light my way so that I might just be able to get out once again. "People say TV rots the brain, But I think it makes it stronger." -HoJo For2oh- "This is your life and its ending one minuet at a time." -Jack- "I say let me never be complete. I say let me never be content. I say deliver me from Swedish furniture. I say deliver me from clever art. I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth. I say you have to give up. I say evolve and let the chips fall where they may." -Tyler Durden- |