Hi boys and girls. Thought we all might need some tips for the forthcoming exams, so i've put a few together. >
>How to get out of / do better in exams:
>1) Commit Suicide
>One sure-fire way to get out of doing exams altogether is by committing suicide.
>Advantages
> Is almost guaranteed to get you out of doing exams.
> Even if you fail, you are likely to receive allowances and maybe even psychiatric treatment which could get you out of the exams.
>Disadvantages
> Could ruin your life.
>
>2) Develop a Psychological Problem
>I suggest the tried and tested method of sticking two pencils up your nose, putting underpants on your head and answering every question with the word "awubble".
>Failing that just write "I am a fish" on the exam paper and promptly faint.
>
>Advantages
> A bit less final than above.
> The potential for completely ruining your life is minimal.
Disadvantages
> People might just think you've gone mad or may realise you are faking it.
>
>3) Get Appendicitis
>
>Disadvantages
> Timing this wrong could actually make things worse, by taking up valuable revision time whilst you recover in time from the exams.
> Quite hard to engineer.
> Probably quite painful.
>
>4) Cut off Your Arm
>Remember to cut off the arm you use to write.
>
>Disadvantages
> May be tricky cutting off your good arm, since you will need to use your weaker arm to do so. May be advantageous to work with a friend on this one.
> May ruin your life.
> You may have to do the exam anyway.
>
>
>5) Kidnapping People
>Kidnap anyone who is likely to do particularly well in the forthcoming exams and lock them in a big room (remembering, however, to obey the Geneva
>convention). Then hire a bunch of replacements to purposefully perform poorly in the exams. The low standard in the exams is likely to reduce the grade
>boundaries.
>
>Disadvantages
> Costly
> Difficult to perform on a large scale
> Probably illegal
> You're unlikely to get away with it
>
>
>6) Do Some Revision
>For most people, this would be a last resort.
>
>Advantages
> Doesn't involve killing, maiming or capturing anyone.
>Disadvantages
> It's really, really dull.
>
>Speaking for myself, I'm considering methods 2 and 5.
>
>Good luck to anyone trying method 6!!