It's been brought to my attention that several people out there think I'm intolerably lazy.
Well ... I am. It's very, very easy to write entire passages about nothing from week to week, and somehow, I manage not to do it. On time. No matter. What is matter? Never mind. Perhaps I should stop quoting things and get to the heart of the issue.
But can an issue truly have a heart? Dr. Sigmund Frood might disagree with me, since he has done extensive research in the field of mispronunciational nonexistence. Dr. Frood, would you care to enlighten the rest of us as to why birds don�t urinate?
"No."
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. An issue cannot have a heart, as Dr. Frood just pointed out. My logic is infallible, and if you tell me I'm wrong then you're obviously just like Talim. In what way I won't mention ... yet ... but it involves not-nice adjectives and the like. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you are like the issue at hand, but you're definitely not as intelligent as it is.
Do I know what I'm talking about? Well, no. Of course not. I thought it might be fun to see what would happen one week if I just started pulling words out of my ass instead of actually writing about something.
... I seem to have hit a pulling-words-out-of-my-ass block. One moment please.
Cats are hilarious. Several varieties of cats have been scientifically identified around the world. Such varieties include fat cats, funny cats, Mars-dwelling cats, and Samurai Pizza Cats. Several of these cats have banned together with the intent of forming the controversial extraneous-winged party IEATMYOWNFECES: International Epoch Alarmed Towards Many Years Of Withering Nuances Following Every Cat Entering Spain. They failed, however, when this meticulously titled group spontaneously combusted, and decided instead to form the popular breakfast chain Cat Caf�. No dogs have claimed involvement in the movement, though others were quoted as saying, �I could use some pants.� Couldn�t we all.
In other news, aliens still don�t know how to find Earth. After going several days without seeing an entire alien, Mr. Harry Pubes of Rhode Island was quoted as saying, �Why the hell haven�t I changed my name?�
The odd thing about Harry is that he neglects to mention that he isn�t wearing a badger.
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom! Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger ... MUSHROOM mushroom. AAH, IT�S A SNAKE! SNAAAAKE, SNAAAAAAAAAAKE! OHH, IT�S A SNAAAAKE! It�s a badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mush--
Okay. This ends here. FWAH!
PUNCH!
DODGE!
GURGLE!
VIOLENT!
ESOPHAGUS!
PHILOSOPHY!
HATS!
Today on Philosophy Hats, we�re going to discuss the implications of eating vast amounts of fictional ideas such as splunge and git. Your thoughts, Mr. Entity?
�Mrs.�
Mrs. Entity, yes, sorry. It�s just that you�re obviously a man.
�This ends here! FWAH!�
Badger badger badger badger...
�No no no. Stop that.�
Sorry.
�Resistance is futile.�
Resistance is not futile. I do not wish it.
�What did you say?�
Resistance is not--
�You said I! What the fuck?�
Aha! The advantage is mine! Behold the power of the triangle! FWAH!
�Badger badger badger badger...�
IT�S OVER!!
Logic failure tests conducted by Invisible, Inc.
Power of the Triangle researched by Kwality Co.