Here are a few words of wisdom that I have learned by trial and error. Not so much the trial, more the error.

• Disinfect scissors after throwing away "used" mousetraps.

  Why? you ask... read on if you're not eating. There's an old story with my old church - the one with the bullet holes in the stained glass. There was a rat problem. If you visited the kitchen enough times, you could find a dead rat on a sticky trap or in a mousetrap anywhere along the walls. Being the senseless boy I was, I wanted to "clean up." In the midst of young onlookers, I casually used a pair of scissors to clamp the trap and throw it away. Not that impressive to you now, but imagine if you were 7 or 8 years old. That's what I thought. Now what did I forget to do? (see above)

• Never drink green tea and or miso soup before taking a standardized test.

  Alright, I know there's a lot of things one can blame for bad scores on the SAT or ACT. I attribute my bleak performance to one thing: my breakfast. Imagine starting the test realizing that you can't go to the bathroom for another 2 hours or so. This is after you know you must focus for at least most of the time. There you go. Which foods make you want to go to the bathroom? (see above)

• Avoid ditches with thorns when skiing.

  The first time I ever skiied I went down a black diamond thanks to peer pressure. After falling off the 2-foot ramp at the end of the lift, I had no choice. What happened next? (see above)

• Check the tape before recording.

  Ick. I almost don't want to talk about this one. My group and I were making the best physics project ever. Then we ended up with half of it, because of me. (see above)

• When playing volleyball on a cruise ship, keep everything on the ship.

  This is one of the few stories that I can laugh at, too. It was fun until we didn't have a ball. (see above)

• Do not ever throw away the rye chips.

  One day, I was at church and all was well. In the corner of my eye, I found something very disturbing. There was a plate of rye chips (from Chex Mix) in the trash! Who could have done such a thing? This is something that should be punishable by law. Even if you don't like them, there are 100 people around you that do. (see above)

• Don't drive on an unpaved (gravel) road when contruction workers are working on it.

  Whoops. They could have at least blocked it off so that I didn't have to swerve around a bulldozer. (see above)

• Don't lift weights that you can't lift.

  Yes, I remember this well. Ouch. At the Jesse Owens North Recreation Center, I tried to do the inclined bench for the first time. Hmm, I thought, it's an awesome idea to try to lifting a weight that I struggle with on the flat bench. My hip had a nice bruise after that. (see above)

• Press a button when going on an elevator.

  When going up the elevator to my dorm, I thought, "Wow, how could anyone not find the derivative of the Taylor series expansion of e^x?" Then after stopping at an unfamiliar floor, another student came in and pressed "1"... Hmm... did I miss something there? I admit, this is something on an idiot would forget to do. That makes it even more important. (see above)

• Give good fake information on IM offers.

  I've been using IM for a while now. That being said, on one occasion I updated IM. Everytime I signed on, a pop-up asked me to join ____, explaining all the wonderful offers I would never consider using. In my impatience, I thought, "Ok, that's enough. I'm going to put in fake information and get this stupid thing to stop." First Name: Bob, Last Name: B., etc... Yay, I thought, that was quick. I attempted to sign on. Uhhh... "Your screen name has been suspended. You have indicated that you are under the age of 13."??? A link took me to a place asking if I had entered the wrong birthday. Whew. Oh no... a valid credit card number??? This is for those wondering what happened to my old sn. Conclusion: (see above)

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