I'm sometime happy, but of course for a normal person there is also unhappy moments. I don't have much friends probably because I'm not good on knowing any... I don't go out much, I don't know anything about popularity or cool... I mean I don't know them on time. Probabliy I think that is a waste of time or because I like to think more mature. Well most of the time I do think and act like that, all of this started like about 7 or 8 years ago when my family move from Panama City to Changuinola. Before my dad used to work for other, now he's an owner of a store. My parents work very hard, days to nights, and exactly almost no time to watch over us. 3 Years ago I didn't have to worry about anything because my brother was the oldest. Sometimes I feel that my mom love more the oldest and my dad love the youngest, while I... is care by nobody. I did feel like that most of the time in my life, but after he was gone, my brother, I felt like I'm the oldest now, I can't ask more for my bro advise anymore, no more HW questions, no more adventure, fun. We use to run away from home and play outside, not coming back 'till dust. Going far, far away to meet new people to play with, even if it was just for a day if it was fun we do it again the next day. So just exactly when my brother left to study in Texas I haven't go out since then, no more further than 5 meter from the front door (how silly right? ^-^'), and I mean outside to play. I felt really lonely so after that thinking and feeling like that oldest, I gotta grow up, stop being a child and help mom and dad in the store. Haven't done a good job after all, but I did help ^-^. An by being this, I've trun to be very selfish... especially with my sis. So how I understand that being that oldest isn't an easy job after all, it takes a lot of responsibility and patient, which is something I'm not good at. I really do mis my bro, but when I call he just don't answer and when he answer he speak like he doesn't want to hear from me. That's why sometime when I speak to him I try to do the same. I know that he's busy and have no time... but is it so much to ask just to send an email at least saying 'hello'. On my fifteenth b-day he didn't even send an email... nor in X-mas, so I doubt it in New Year... I will understand if he can't send one in X-mas and New Year becasue he gotta work, but what about my fifteenth b-day? So that's why I got so angry at him, I've never fight with him by phone... and suddenly this year, for the first time... I did. If he thinks that he's busy and unhappy without his family, then his family is also unhappy without him, a parent wo doesn't have a son with them by their side now, neither two younger sister. I just think that he haven't notice that, I think that he have turn very selfish after he went over there... so I really don't know how can I talk to him ever again after that fight on the phone, but what I really know in my heart is that I love him and I miss him a lot, hope he can get that message.
Well this is it, I imagine that I'll have to continue what is waiting ahead of me ^-^... Dinner!!! Is just a joke so... further more... there is no more information available, I don't think that my story have something to learn about, but after writing this I feel a lot better and what is the most important of all I did review and learn something ^-^
Written by Miau Miau (Kathy) |
