I've transcribed the parts where James actually spoke the most. This is not an entire transcript.. as you'll notice most calls were not included. James was quiet for almost all calls. I also was not able to get the last half hour of the show, but I did catch it on a car radio and I didn't hear him say anything that as too special. Though it would have been nice to have.

Adam: You know, I was thinking about. You know
those Dry Cleaning places that say. it's always these
big letters with the 'Plant on Premises'

James: Yeah, what is that about?

Adam: You ever see that Drew?

Drew: Yeah.

Adam: It's like.. What they're saying is, we do
it there.

Drew: They do it there

Adam: But I'm thinking, I don't care where you
do it(laughter) I always think to myself, I, it's not
like my shirt cannot be transported. I'm driving it here.

Drew: And this related to the Herpes question....?

Adam: I don't know, I was thinking about
that, it's not a big selling point

Drew: Thanks for bringing it up! That's nice.
That's nice.

James: It means the really horrible chemicals
are right there.

Adam: Right.. *laughs*

Drew: Any other random thoughts you'd like to
share with us?

Adam: *laughs*

James: Anything about fast-food?

Drew: That nap.. That nap didn't just make you
groggy, it made you grandiose

Adam: it freed my mind, Brother.

Adam: Let me explain the lesbians. One of them
has to be the dude.

Caller: Yeah..

Adam: And thank god your mom isn't the dude. It
could be worse.

James: Yeah, and don't mess with lesbians,
because they will KICK YOUR ASS.

Adam: Yeah, especially the butch one.

Adam: Oh boy..big old butch girlfriend
coming home with the wetsaw.

James: Yeah, but you can't say 'go lick your girlfriend' it's like saying 'go lick your boyfriend'
you can't say that to your mom, man. Of course your
going to get hit for that.

Adam: No, but it doesn't work like .. Drew, your
parents are still together, right? You
couldn't yell 'go blow dad!'

Drew: No, no.. But Will's like got a
crossbow..he's like firing it off.

Adam: Alright, well speaking of range of
feelings.
We're going to take a range of a break - See that's a good segue

Drew: That's a good segue.. going into some sort of fart?

Adam: No.. No gas tonight. Bad last night though..

Drew: Nice

Adam: You know, with the quilt the extra
quilt on the blanket with the cold weather .. And the heater
going really kicks in

James: Oh man, in winter.. mmmhmm
No fiber in the wintertime it's just bad.

Adam: Oh, wait till the holidays
roll around all that pumpkin pie, stuffing, that's great.

Drew: Oh, you know, I thought to myself, we
get Thursday night off next week.. But. It's gonna
be three or four nights of cranberries.

Adam: Of cranberry conversation. Oh my god!
You're right!
When is Thanksgiving? A couple of weeks off?

Drew: We just had our last cranberry
diatribe it seems like

Adam: Yes, I have to go on my cranberry jag

James: Except for juice and in cereal.
Cranberries..what the hell, why did we cultivate this.

Drew: No, no, no, no! Stop. James.

Adam: How dare you..

James: You're a cranberry guy?

Adam: I like cranberries. I don't like canned
cranberries. I will get into that next week.
Here's the deal, I don't want to shoot my
cranberry load this early in the week, we're not quite
close enough. But I will give people my recipe, and I
have a sack of cranberries in my refrigerator from last
year because I, I, horde cranberries because they go,
oh yes, they get bought up, they really do, and you
can't get 'em. And before you know it, you're
scouring cranberries at the park from some uh, black guy
who's 110 pounds and 7 feet tall and he's got the
shakes, he's doing anything to sell you those
cranberries, I'm gonna start hording.

Drew: Start?

Adam: And I suggest everyone.. Well, I'm
gonna get
more. Gonna make my own cranberries. I'll
bring some in

James: What do you propose to do with these berries?

Drew: ohh.. no oh!!no!!

James: Sorry sorry!

Soundbyte: "We'll be right back, we'll be
right back,
we'll be right back, we'll be right back"

Adam: We'll be right back. How dare you
Anderson. And
let me tell you this, I will bring my own
cranberry sauce to Thanksgiving festivities so I do
not have to
eat that canned crap like trailer trash is it.
My family. And if they take offense to it I say
'how dare you. How dare me? How dare you for opening
a can during these sacred holiday.'

Drew: In front of a literal, literal millionaire

Adam: *laughs* Yes, how dare you open a can in
front of a literal millionaire. You realize I could
have cut my velvet tongue on that can.
We'll take a break.

Adam: It is Loveline, I'm Adam Carrola, that is
Dr. Drew over there.
James Marsters is our guest tonight Spike from
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Tuesday Nights. WB 8:00

James: Grr Argh

Adam: We had a little discussion about what is
Brine. Pickle Brine

James: I hear the word Brine and I think Bile
right away, it's just not good

Adam: Brine is the uh, other stuff that's in the
jar that pickles and pigs feet and pickled eggs are
in and all that stuff. And for some reason that's
Brine. James seems to think it's salt water. If you..
How dare you

Drew: Hey, hey, give me the dictionary.

Adam: Where's the dictionary.

Drew: It's a big thick red book

James: Men crying, vibrator......(mumbles)

Drew: Maria, here's the deal. They didn't so
much tell you that sex was bad. But sex outside of
marriage was bad. Right?

Maria: Right.

Drew: And your marriad now, so that's not
bad anymore,right?

(silence)

Adam: Yeah, okay, Drew, aren't you glad we got
her back for another breathtaking 30 seconds with
the auctionnaire Maria. Just lie down and open your
legs and let your husbend get on there for a few
minutes. Its's fine. Your married. Hold still. You don't
have to love...

James: Sh-sh-she's..She's gotta enjoy
it.. you know that's the thing. She deserves that. Yes.. yeah..

Adam: No you don't, listen, let me tell you
something. You don't have to enjoy anything in life. You go
to work you don't have to like that.

James: *laughs* Just pretend

Drew: Let's take another call..

Adam: Why do we have to love everything? Just
start doing it. Stop loving everything everybody.

Drew: Just..just..James, have you not
learned yet. That when he says weird stuff like that just let it go

James: Okay.

Adam: Let me tell you this, we're under the
impression now, as a society, I don't think we were 50
years ago, that we must be in love with everything in order
to do it. 'Hey I got a job! It's gratifying,
It's fulfilling. I love it. I love this and I love
that and I got an SUV and i'm going extreme mountain camping
because I love that.. and i'm going parasailing.

James: Yeah!

Adam: Listen, stop loving everything. Just
hold still. Let someone love on you for awhile. You don't
have to love everything. Thank you.

James: Get back on the couch.

Adam: Wait a minute, is this another Maria?

Drew: Yeah

Adam: Yes, get back on the couch. Get off
that goddamn mountain bike and get back on the couch

James: Watch your commercials like you're supposed to.

Caller: First of all, I want to say, Drew. You
are totally underated. People do not give you
enough credit.

Drew: That's kind of a backhanded compliment there.

Adam: Quite the contrary

Caller: And Anderson is a technical genius,
he cracks me up all the time.

Drew: Anthony is a man for the underdog.
Anthony: Yeah, totally.

Adam: Yeah, are you a virgin, Anthony?

Anthony: Yeah.

Adam: SHOCKING. SHOCKING. SHOCKING. He's giving Anderson his kudos.
Drew let me ask you something, speaking of
genius, once every 100th caller I make the 'junior college call'

Drew: Yes

Adam: And once every 400th I make the
virgin call for the make

Drew: And once every 250th you call the job

Adam: And I call their job.. Yeah am I ever
wrong with the virgin? or the Junior college?

Drew: No.

James: How did you call that? How did you know that?

Adam: When I hear a goofy voice on a guy,
praising Drew and engineer Anderson I know virgin

James: Was it praising Drew or Anderson that
really flagged it?

Adam: Anderson actually, 'cause I got a little
of that techie thing going on.

Soundbyte: 'You are an asshole'

Adam: Alright, James Marsters is our guest
tonight. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We'll take a quick
break and get back with Virgin Anthony right after this.

Drew:(speaking fast) Hey it's Loveline.
(Adam farts) We're here with James Marsters from
Buffy the La-Vampire Slayer
(laughter)

Adam: Drew!

Drew: You threw me with your gas Adam! I didn't
know you were going to fart in the middle of..

Adam: I didn't either until the music started playing..

James: Folks, that was not Anderson

Adam: I thought I had a little fart going there
..yeah.. That's good radio Drew, and I can time
the fart (laughs)

James: Syncopated rhythm with the music

Drew: He's just a dick.

Adam: We were talking.. yeah James Marsters is here

Drew: Aren't you embarrassed? We were signing autographs yesterday

Adam: No. No.

Drew: And this girl came up to us and goes
'Adam, Nice farts'(James laughs) And I thought to myself.. people
are listening to you when you just -- blow gas,
aren't you slightly embarrassed?

Adam: You know, I should be. I really should be.
But you know what, my job is to step aside and get
outside of myself and entertain, Drew.

James: This is the power of the media though,
anybody farting normally would not be quite so cool. You
get chicks coming up and saying 'thank you for that'

Adam: That's right. For me..She didn't say thank
you so much but uh.. she did.. she did she did appreciate it.

Drew: She said Nice. She admired it.

Adam: I did want to say, this is farting
weather. You know? We touched on it a little earlier and I'll
tell you why it's farting weather. First off, you're
wearing clothing that is sort of conducive to
farting, with sweat pants and thick-thick thing

James: Or thinking that you can get away with it

Adam: Well, for me. You're driving with
your windows rolled up and the heater on. I mean that's.
think about the difference between breaking wind in a
car with the sun roof open and the windows down and
the air conditioning on or the heater going the
defroster going and all the windows rolled up. I mean that
is night and day..that's

Drew: Yeah, but somehow that brisk cold air can
neutralize it and I say.. Well, on a hot day
you're already miserable and then you're blasted.

Adam: That's true. But who's rolling the windows
down. I lock the windows in my car.

Drew: I see I see.

Adam: My partner Jimmy, not only locks the
windows but he locks the doors. Because I tried to open his
car door when I couldn't get the window open on the
freeway.
It's wonderful. Now when you're at home you have
the heat going, the windows closed and you have that
big down comforter over you and it's tucked in under
your feet like a burrito.

James: See that's the thing, it tempts you to do it

Adam: You know, like a fart burrito

Drew: No, guys.. this is.. this is how Tossers
and Flingers become preoccupied. Flingers as they
grow older and Tossers when they're on their meds.

James: I was wondering, do the Tossers look down
on the Flingers or is it vice versa? Or do they go
'oh you're sick'

Adam: Let me tell you something, as I Flinger I
could kick any Tossers ass

James: 'Cause Tossers, they're weird.

Adam: Yeah, I mean, when you're a Flinger you're
a Flinger for life. You get the jacket, you
get the colors,
the initiation. I don't want to even tell you
what
that is. (James laughs)

James to caller: Have you just been watching
porn and you have like a higher expectation for yourself?

Adam: But with the Brine is actually submerging
it in something. Pickling it.

James: So we don't have to waste those pigs
feet.. you know they don't want to go bad on you.

Drew: How do you eat a pigs feet? Do you pick it
up and chew on it like a popsicle?

James: You just gnaw on it

Adam: First thing you need to do is take the
rope you're using to hold up your pants and tie that
around the bottom end so you can get a good grasp on
the pigs foot. Oh who knows! You just .. it's -it's
uh I don't know how eats pigs
feet, I think black people and the whitest of
the white trash. It's really the spectrum. No one in-between

James: And First Generation Germans

Adam: Oh yeah, oh yeah, foreigners. All
bets are off with Europeans.

Adam to caller: We'll have to trade some
cranberry sauce secrets.

Soundbyte: *Can being opened*

Adam: Ohh.. ohh.. My Aunt Pat likes to
leave it in the shape of the can. You can actually see the
serration's from the side of the can.

Drew: It's cool that way. You get it all in one
big blop

Adam: Oh, it's proudly displayed.

James: Or half of it will be cut into little
disks that look really nice.

Adam: Yeah, there you go. 'We precut some disks,
we didn't go ahead and cut the entire thing in case
people don't get to that part of the disks --
we'll have some for next year. We'll have a nice block
for next year.
My Aunt Pat is one of those people who has the
plastic container for the cardboard milk carton. You
ever seen these things?

James: Oh lord yes..

Adam: One of those people with a thousand of
those little change purses and stuff. She has a thing,
it is square, it's for half gallon cardboard milk
cartons. It has a hole at the top and sort of a handle
built onto it and a little bottom tray where the
handle is attached to it.. and you drop it in there and
she's had that thing for uh.. 32 years, and now I go
over there and I see where it's been repaired and I
go 'okay, one of us is killing ourselves.' I think
each Thanksgiving. I DO NOT come from this family.
You've got 49 cents worth of .. first off, how many
times you had trouble handling the gallon of milk. It's
not like I pull it out of my fridge every day and it goes flying across the room. I handle it just fine.
you know what.. You should put a handle on-put a
handle on the soap. Put a handle on the.. What about
that thing of Crisco? Doesn't that need a handle? What
about the eggs? Don't they all need a suction
device? Like their own little handles. Everything has a handle on
it.
*laughs* What the hell was I born into?
Drew, you ever see one of these things?

Drew: Oh, I've seen 'em at my house.

Adam: What about.... Not one that's been
repaired?

Drew: No, that's impressive

Adam: Yeah, I didn't know if that was an
in-house thing. Or if she sent it out to the
manufacturer. I don't know who fixed that thing. I don't think
you can get them anymore. And she's very fast to point
that out when I make fun of it. That they don't make
them anymore.

James: Why don't they make them anymore?

Adam: It's like, Aunt Pat, Here's Why: Because
people can hold the milk. You know, there's something
call opposable thumbs that we developed
in the mid fifties and now we can carry our milk

Drew: The milk all comes with handles now. The plastic..
Adam: Yeah, those do.

James: Oh, she'd hate those.

Adam: I still think she can slide that one in.
*laughs*

James: She has to cut the handle off that's provided.

Adam: She likes a certain amount of redundancy
in her milk pouring.

James: In case the first handle fails.

Adam: Right, she's got a backup. Like an
Aircraft.

James: Like NASA

Adam: Hey! It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carrola, that
is Dr. Drew. James Marsters is our guest tonight.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Everybody. He plays Spike
the Vampire.

James: The second best show on Television.

Adam: That's right. Just behind The Man Show.
WB Everyone. Tuesday Nights. 8:00