Kroken P376
1 How does she view her home?
2 What is her problem with the feminists?
Barrett P378
3 What is the major social change of the century?
4 Women who have jobs must/also have responsibility for what?
5 The more housework the man does, what happens?
6 Regarding satisfaction in marriage contrast women who do and do not take satisfaction from their work outside their home.
7 Compare high earning women and successful men regarding divorce.
Snyder 384
8 Know the definition of homosexual.
9 Know when a person's sexual orientation is determined.
10 Know who molests children in schools.
11 Know what happens to children raised by homosexual couples.
12 Know who is afflicted homophobia.
Lazarus P392
13 Know about rescuing.
14 Know the percentage each spouse is responsible for the other's happiness
15 Know the characteristics of emotional suffocation.
Chapter 14 Parenting
Halpern P407
16 Know the characteristics of good enough parents.
17 What do kids feel when parents are being saintly?
18 What is the punishment administered by parents that are saints?
Shepard P 413
19 Know the characteristics of people stuck in childhood.
20 Know the characteristics of people stuck in adolescence.
21 Know who's responsibility it is for the child to grow up.
Blau P 418
22 Who's been blamed for the problem of children.
23 Know the objections of the term adult child.
Maynard P425
24 Know the positive qualities attributed to her parents
25 Know what was an important feature of her family.
26 Know what was her parents' greatest compliment to her children.
27 How did her parents treat their children?
28 It was important to Maynard that her home was what?
Howard P431
29 What does she recommend to families with no sense of place?
30 Good families do not need children if they what?
ESSAY
Snyder P384
31 Know what they say about people choosing to be gay. (no copying)
Lazarus P392
32 Describe rescue fantasy and identify behavior of each partner (no copying)
Halpern P407
33 Know the punishments administered by saintly parents.
Howard P431
34 Know the 10 characteristics of a good family (just the main points)
"THE END 10:30 - 12:30 on Thursday. Bring a self addressed stamped envelope if you'd like the final returned."
(1) How does she view her home?
She views her home as a sanctuary rather than a prison.
(2)What is her problem with feminists?
She feels that they make grave and fatal errors when they demean the housewife and mother, depicting her life as filled with empty hours and enslavement to squalling children.
Barrett p.378
(3) What is the major social change of the century?
Two-career marrige
(4) Women who have jobs outside the home must also have responsibility for what?
Primary responsibility for hte household maintenance and child care.
(5)The more housework the man does, what happens?
The more the couple fight
(6)Regarding satisfaction in marriage contrast women who do and do not take satisfaction from their work outside the home.
Women who are more satisfied with their job have been reported to have higher satisfaction in their marriages rather then those women who are not satisfied with their jobs.
7)
Q: Compare high earning women and successful men regarding divorce.
A: (pg. 382 end of third paragraph down on left) Women think if he leaves this job is all I have. They aren't up for staying up all night arguing because they need to awake and alert for their job the next day. They put off dealing with him to keep job in tact, Even though you sense you might be forfeiting last chance to patch it up, you know what it takes to keep your job and not what it takes to keep your man. The man on the other hand has got an edge. He is not afraid that emotional term oil could cost him his job.
8)
Q: Know the definition of homosexual.
A: ( pg. 388 Last paragraph on left) A person who in his or her adult life, is sexually attracted in both fantasy and in behavior mainly to members of the same sex.
9)
Q: Know when a person's sexual orientation is determined.
A: (pg. 388 2nd paragraph on the right) Age 4 or 5.
10)
Q: Know who molests children in schools.
A: (p 388, last paragraph on the right) Heterosexual men aimed towards females.
11)
Q: Know what happens to children raised by homosexual couples.
A: ( Pg. 390 3rd paragraph down on left) No evidence that suggests that children raised in these homes are influenced in any way to become homosexual themselves, or that they develop problems in greater portions than other children.
12)
Q: Know who is affiliated with homophobia.
A: (pg. 390, second paragraph on left) Homophobia affects men far greater than women.
Q.13 Know about rescuing.
A. p394 in Myth3: first column, the third paragraph and the next paragraph starts with What Lazarus said about rescuing is that �rescue fantasies (or Dick Diver syndrome)� won�t work in the relationship. �Marriages based on the rescue fantasies of one or both partners are invariably exceedingly complex, but the end results are often predictable�� I would recommend you to read those two paragraphs.
Q.14 Know the percentage each spouse is responsible for the other's happiness.
A. p395 in Myth5: �It is not up to your spouse (or anyone else) to make you happy, nor should you permit anyone to undermine whatever fun, joviality or buoyant feelings you can inject into your life.� So that�s 0%, right?
Q15. Know the characteristics of emotional suffocation.
A. p396 in Myth7 the third diagram: This represents the romantic ideal where two people merge so completely that they become as one. In practice, were this possible, it would probably result in emotional suffocation.
Q16. Know the characteristics of good enough parents.
A. I recommend you to read p407
�Good enough� parents
---teach you the importance of judgment and making different choices
---teach you make decision flexibly
---teach you that it is often difficult to know what is the better, more effective, etc thing to do.
---teach you differentiate among life�s big questions and little question to establish a hierarchy of what�s important
---is aware that you are different from him
---can accept the possibility that their values were largely swallowed when they were children, and they attempt to subject their values to rational scrutiny
---try to indicate the reasoning and life experiences
---when they use ordinary words, they do it to communicate information
Q17. What do kids feel when parents are being saintly?
A. p411 �SHAME AND SCANDAL IN THE FAMILY� When parents are being saintly the threat to their offspring is not that they might make them feel guilty, as when parents are being martyrs, nor is it making them afraid if parental rage, as when parents are being tyrannical. The threat is in their attempt to make their children feel shame. The child thinks he has done something unthinkable, beyond the pale.
Q18. What is the punishment administered by parents that are saints?
A. p411 His punishment for deeply disappointing the parents is not the withdrawal of love, but the withdraw of their respect.
For Question 17&18, I still have some doubts about my answers, so it will be great if somebody could check it...
19. Pg. 413 second column second paragraph- Those stuck in the
childhood phase remain overly docile and dependent.
20. Right below #19- Those stuck in adolescence relate to their parents
in a perpetually rebellious and ill-tempered way.
21. Pg. 416 first column sixth paragraph- it is your child's
responsibility to grow up, to mature- not yours to do it for him.
22. Through out the whole article, Blau emphasizes the blame children
put on their parents for their problems. But on Pg. 419 column two
paragraph one, the emphasis is put on the mother..."If the kids had
problems, Mother was either too involved or not enough". So the answer might
be mother.
23. Pg. 419 column two paragraph five..."The mere fact that adults are
labeling themselves "children" implies that there's some resistance to
actually growing up and facing adult responsibilities". I suggest
reading the whole article.
24. The whole article implies positive qualities attributed to her
parents but I didn't find any specific paragraph that answered this
question directly. I suggest reading the article.
Questions 25-30:
Q25: Know what was an important feature of her family
A25: We�re raised with chief sport�conversation; we learnt from argument, we applied criticism (p.426 1st column, 1st full paragraph)
Q26: Know what was her parents' greatest compliment to their children
A26: The parent�s greatest compliment to their kids was their high expectations. They made kids feel unique.(p.426 1st column, last paragraph)
Q27: How did her parents treat their children?
A27: treat us as politely as an adult with respect. Discipline, energy, activity, distaste for wistfulness, love of sunshine, a pretty good balance between order & freedom. Parents treat kids as politely as they�d threat an adult. (p.426 2nd column, 1st full paragraph & p.427 2nd column last paragraph)
Q 28: It was important to Maynard that her home was what?
A 28: So much a part of our family. House full of objects we�re attached to; her feeling was that not until you made a reassuring, comfortable base for security can you go beyond & deal with the discomforts of the outside world. To lose it would be to lose not just her roof, but her foundations.(I'm not sure that I found correct answer, but this is what I found about house (home) p.428 2nd column last paragraph & p.429 1 column 1st full paragraph)
Q 29: What does she recommend to families with no sense of place?
A 29: Think in terms of movable feasts, for a start. Live here, wherever here may be, as if we were going to belong here for the rest of our lives. Learn to hallow whatever ground we happen to stand on or land on. We must pack such totems & icons as we can to make short-term quarters feel like home. (p.433 2nd column 1st paragraph)
Q 30: Good families don�t need children if they what?
A 30: ... if they have connections with posterity (other's kids).(p.433 2nd column last paragraph -- I recommend to read it trough)
31) Know what they say about people choosing to be gay. No Copying.
Answer: Page 388 Column 2
Though the causes of homesexuality are hotly debated, leading scholars have reached a consensus that a person's sexual orientation is largely determined by age 4 or 5. Many individuals do not become aware of their homosexual orientation until long after this formative period, perhaps in their late teens or twenties (some postmenopausal widowed women become lesbian after their 50s or 60s with no prior lesbian history). The political and personal ramifications of this are powerful, since it is often alleged that people "choose" to be gay or lesbian or "switch" to homosexuality as a conscience decision after a painful divorce, after being raped, and so on. Choice certainly exists over with whom to engage in sexual activity, but a basic sexual orientation is not subject to such dramatic change. Much of the animosity toward homosexuals seems to be grounded in the belief that they deliberatly adopt this orientation as a means of belittling heterosexual family values and flaunt themselves outrageously.
This answer is copied directly on the test you may not copy.
32) Describe rescue fantasy and identify behavior of each partner No copying.
Answer: Page 39 column 394
rescue fantasy = fall in love with patient or someone in need and then become a wreck later. Marriages based on the rescue fantasies of one or both partners are invariably exceedingly complex, but the end results are often predictable. To satisfy the rescuer's desire for power, approval, or control, the recipient must continue to be (or appear to be) needy. These relationships seldom stand the strain of readjustment to equal footing. Frquently, the rescuer turns out to be far more emotionaly indigent than the person being rescued. Rescuers invariably feel that they are entitled to eternal gratitude; those who have been rescued resent having to be forever more beholden.
This answer is copied directly on the test you may not copy.
# 33 Halpern p411 Know the punishments administered by saintly parents.
When parents are being saintly the threat to their offspring is not that they might make them feel guilty not is it making them afraid of parental rage. The threat is in their attempt to make their children feel shame. The child thinks he has done something unthinkable, beyond the pale. His punishment for deeply disappointing the parents is not the withdrawal of love, but the withdrawal of their respect.
# 34Howard P432-3 Know the 10 characteristics of a good family (just the main points)
Good families...
1 Have a chief or heroine or founder- someone around whom others cluster and whose example spurs them on to like feats.
2 Have a switchboard operator to keep track of what others are up to
3 Are much to all their members, but everything to none
4 Are hospitable
5 Deal squarely with directness
6 Prize their rituals
7 Are affectionate
8 Have a sense of place which these days is not easily achieved
9 Find some way to connect with posterity
10 Honor their elders
