Arkoff 278 and Peck P293
1 Know the actualizing tendency.
2 Know the 2 forces in conflict according to Mazlow
3 Know the master quality according to Gale Sheeden
4 Know the questions people asked Carl Rodgers
5 Know selfness, selfless, and selfish according to
Sample
6 Know what Peck's problems are most related to
7 According to Dr Brooke, what's the common problem
Bloomfield and Kory P297
8 Know the ion stuck syndrome
9 Dianna, 36 year old mother discovered new energy
when she did what?
10 Edith, 42 year old widow rediscovered sexual joy
when she did what?
11 What did they say about being a finished product
12 Know self-immobilization
13 Know the test of the decision to take control of
your life
14 Know the antidote for anxiety
15 Know what happens when you always have a plan
CH12 Loving
Goldstein P 350
16 Know the 3 stages of love
17 When you fall in love you risk what?
18 Know the relationship of love, trust and intimacy
Hatfield and Walster P 357
19 Know the characteristics of High self esteem people
Fromm P 360
20 Fromm equates self-love with what?
21 Know the relationship of self love and selfishness
22 Know the characteristics of selfish people
23 Know the characteristics of over solicitous mother
(P361 II column)
24 Know the characteristics of the children of an
unselfish mother
Arkoff P 363
25 Know myth three
26 Know myth four
Tannen P 367
27 Know how men approach the world
28 Know how women approach the world
29 To men, a complain is what?
30 For men, talk is for what?
Essay
31 From Arkoff, know the 3 fears of growth
32 Define "maturity" exactly according to Bloomfied
and Kory
33 From Hatfield and Walster, know the 2 advantages in
love that high self esteem people have over low self
esteem people have (the answer is not on one page,
hint hint) who loves you
34 From Tannen, Know how men and women approach the
world
1 Know the actualizing tendency. Page 281. Actualizing tendency in humans, that is, a drive toward growth, enhancement, and perfection.
2 Know the 2 forces in conflict according to Mazlow. Page 284/285. Maslow hypothesized that in addition to growth forces, each person also has safety forces and these two sets work in opposition to each other. Maslow noted that the conflict between these forces could block the individual . He diagrammed this process as follows: Safety<------PERSON------>Growth , read on
3. Master quality according to Gale Sheeden Page 285. Possessed by pathfinders is their willingness to take risks.
4 Know the questions people asked Carl Rodgers Page 288. "Who am I?" and "how can I become myself?"
5 Know selfness, selfless, and selfish according to Page 289. Selfness- The state in which sefl is celebrated in a nonexploitative mode. Selfish- The exploitation of others for the benefit of one's self. Selfless- The exploitation of one's self for the benefit of other's.
6 Know what Peck's problems are most related to: hes avoiding the responsibility for his own behavior. (whole article, but p295 in whatever paragraph)
7 According to Dr Brooke, what's the common problem ? - p.295 2nd column Dr. paragraph--- the sense of helplessness, the fear and inner conviction of being unable to 'cope' and to change things
8. Bloomfield and Kory P297 2nd columnright before the If paragraph - Know the I'm stuck syndrome: The common denominator is the feeling of being caught by a situation beyond your control; it leaves you depressed about the present and resigned to the future. Read whole paragraph.
9 Dianna, 36 year old mother discovered new energy when she did what? 299 bottom of 1st column end of today paragraph Acted from her deepest self and go for what she really wants.
10 Edith, 42 year old widow rediscovered sexual joy when she did what? 299 2nd column end of Edith paragraph . Decided that she has the power to break free from her past was she able to begin rediscovering sexual joy.
Q11. What did they say about being a finished product?
A. (p300 Second paragraph in Second column) ---You're saying: "I'm a finished product, I can?ft change.?h This is an anhedonic choice, because it is a denial of your potential for growth. No one is ever a finished product!
Q12. Know self-immobilization.
A. (p300 the bottom of second column ?gTHE DEVIDENDS OF
SELF-IMMOBILIZATION?h I recommend you to read whole article at least once to get an idea.) ---Your choice to stay stuck brings rewards.
Q13. Know the test of the decision to take control of your life.
A. (p302 the top of the fist column) ---The decision to take control of your life is a first step. Transforming that decision into action is the real test.
Q14. Know the antidote for anxiety.
A. (p302 the last paragraph in the fist column) ---The best antidote for anxiety is action.
Q15. Know what happens when you always have a plan.
A. (p303 the top of first column) ---If you insist on always having a plan, you cut yourself off from your intuitive self and the inner joy it provides.
Q16 Stage 1 falling in love creates an incontestable high sweet and bitter sweet emotions with longing, passion, fondness, uncertainty, and wonder. Stage 2 p352 "Disillusionment" read whole stage; it's a main idea. Stage 3 p354 "Mutual Acceptance" read whole stage
Q17 P350 column I last line. Risk having one's shortcomings (intellectual, physical, sexual) discovered and found upon by the very person whose censure tells most keenly
Q18 p350 column II "Being in love fosters trust; trust fosters intimacy"
Q19 p258 column I 2nd P, people with high self esteem react differently to admiration and criticism, relish praise, and manage to misperceive, refute, or forget critisism.
Q20 p360 column II last P; The idea expressed in biblical "love thy neighbor as thyself!" implies that respect for one's own integrity and uniqueness, love for and understanding of one's own self, cannot be separated from respect and love and understanding for another individual.
Here are answers for #21-25:
#21.
Q: Know the relationship pf self love and selfishness
A: It is assumed that to the degree to which I love myself I do not love others, that self-love is the same as selfishness. However, selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites. (p.360, 1-st paragraph & p.361 3-rd paragraph).
#22.
Q: Know the characteristics of selfish people
Comment: It looks like we read about this before, and it was on previous exams.
A: The selfish person is interested only in himself, wants everything for himself, feels no pleasure in giving, but only in taking. The world outside is looked at only from the standpoint of what he can get out of it; he lacks interest in the needs of others, and respect for their dignity and integrity. He can see nothing but himself; he judges everyone and everything from its usefulness to him; he is basically unable to love -- he hates
himself. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self. Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either. (p.361, 3-rd paragraph through)
#23.
Q: Know the characteristics of over solicitous mother
A: While she consciously believes that she is particularly fond of her child, she has actually a deeply repressed hostility toward the object of her concern. She is overconcerned not because she loves the child too much, but because she has to compensate for her lack of capacity to love him at all. (p.361, 2nd column, 1st paragraph)
#24
Q: Know the characteristics of the children of an unselfish mother
A: She (mother) believes that by he unselfishness her children will experience what it means to be loved and to learn, in turn, what it means to love. The effect of her unselfishness, however, doesn't at all correspond to her expectations. The children don't show the happiness of persons who are convinced that they are loved; they are anxious, tense, afraid of themother's disapproval and anxious to live up to her expectations. Usually, they are affected by their mother's hidden hostility toward life, which they sense rather than recognize clearly, and eventually they become imbued with it themselves. The effect of the "unselfish" mother isn't too different from that of the selfish one; indeed, it is often worse, because the mother's unselfishness prevents the children from criticizing her. They are put under the obligation not to disappoint her; they are taught, under the mask of virtue, dislike for life. (p.361 2nd column, last paragraph through)
# 25
Q: Know myth three
A: Love, even when it is deepseated and intense, tends to be a distinctly intermittent rather than steady, incessant feeling. This is especially so in love relationships that endure for a considerable length of time. The love itself doesn't come and go, but our experience of love and our expression of love is intermittent. There are times when we need to be in the company of others and times when we need to be apart. The periods of separation from a loved one can be healthy. (p.364, Myth 3)
21) Know the relationship between self-love and selfishness.
Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites. The selfish person does not love himself too much but too little; in fact he hates himself. This lack of fondness and care for himself, which is only one _expression of his lack of productiveness, leaves him empty and frustrated. He is necessarily unhappy and anxiously concernedto snatch from life the satisfactions which he blocks himself from attaining. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self.....It is true that selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either. Pg 361 Column 1 Last Paragraph
The affirmation of one's own life, happiness, growth, freedom is rooted in one's capacity to love, i.e. in care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge. If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself too; if he can only love others, he cannot love at all. Pg 361 Column 1 2nd paragraph.
22) Know the characteristics of selfish people.
The selfish person is interested only in himself, wants everything for himself, feels no pleasure in giving, but only in taking. The world outside is looked at only from the standpoint of what he can get out of it.; he lacks interest in the needs of others, and respect for their dignity and integrity. He can see nothing but himself; he judges everyone and everything from its usefullness to him; he is basically unable to love.
Pg 361 column 1 Last paragraph.
23) Know the characteristics of over solicitous mother.
While she consciously believes that she is particularly fond of her child, she has actually a deeply repressed hostility toward the object of her concern. She is over concerned not because she loves the child too much, but because she has to compensate for her lack of capacity to love him at all. Pg 361 Column 2 First Paragraph.
24) Know the characteristics of the children of an unselfish mother.
The children do not show the happiness of persons who are convinced that they are loved; they are anxious, tense, afraid of the mother's disapproval and anxious to live up to her expectations. Usually they are affected by their mother's hidden hostility toward life, which they sense rather than recognize clearly, and eventually they become imbued with it themselves. Altogether, the effect of the unselfish mother is not too different from that of the selfish one; indeed, it is often worse, because the mother's unselfishness prevents the children from criticizing her. They are put under the obligation not to disappoint her; They are taught, under mask of virtue, dislike for life.
Pg 362 Column 1
25) Know myth 3
Love is constant.
Ellis writes, "Love, even when it is deepseated and intense, tends to be a distinctly intermitten rather than steady, incessant feeling". And he adds that this is especially so in love relationships that endure for a considerable length of time. Marshall Hodge agrees and notes that love itself does not come and go, but our experience of love and our _expression of love is intermittent. Corey belives we can only stand so much closeness. There are times when we need to be in the company of others and times when we need to be apart. He has observed that periods of separations from a loved one can be healthy, and the inability to separate or to allow some separation may be a symtom of a deeper problem. Pg 364 Column 1 1st Paragraph
26 Know myth four
"Myth 4. Love is exclusive" Basically, this passage explains that it is natural and normal to love more than one person at a time: "Ellis leads the attack and points to a great mass of biographical and clinical data indicating that it is possible to love two or more members of the opposite sex deeply, intensely, and at the same time" "it is not reasonable to expect one person to meet all our needs." All this and the rest of the info can b found on pg 364 under Myth 4
27 Know how men approach the world
men approach the world as a place where people try to achieve and maintain status (pg 367, right column, 4th paragraph)
28 Know how women approach the world
women approach the world as a network of connections, in which people seek consensus (pg 367, right column, 4th paragraph)
29 To men, a complain is what?
"to many men, a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution" (pg 368, left column, 9th paragraph)
30 For men, talk is for what?
"like most men, talk is for information" men "use conversation to claim attention and to entertain" (pg 368, right column, 2nd and 3rd paragraphs)
26. Myth 4 Love is exclusive:
- Genuine love is expansive, not exclusive
- Its possible to deeply love more than one person
- People who claim to have never been attracted, sexually or otherwise to someone other than their mate are
"most unusual and ... abnormal"
- Not reasonable for one person to meet all of our needs, friends may be able to see a side of a problem that you
or your mate missed.
27. Men approach the world as a place to achive and maintain status
28. Women approach the world as a network of connnections in which people seek connections.
29. To men, a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution.
30. To men talk is for information.
31)
3 reasons why we fear growth.
Answer pg. 285-286, under the subtopic "fear of growth"
1) We fear the unknown, even if we don't like ourselves, we are accustomed to ourselves. We hesitate to risk losing what we have (even if we don't like it) for something worse.
2) We see growth as bringing responsibilities we are not sure we can handle. If we succeed more, more will be expected of us, and we doubt our ability to continually meet this.
3) "The Jonah complex" fear of our own greatness. Maslow hypothesized that when in the presence of special individuals (saintly persons, geniuses, great beauties) we may feel uneasy, envious, or inferior and therefore counter value them. If we could value others greatness, we could better value ours.
Q32 Define Maturity.
Maturity is the ability to derive deep satisfaction from your life whether or not your efforts are yielding full fruit for the moment.
33) p358-359
Men and women who have unusually high self esteem versus unusually low self esteem react in very different ways to admiriation and criticism. High self
esteem men and women thoroughly relish praise, but they conveniently manage to misperceive, refute, or forget criticism. Low self esteem men and women are just the opposite. They are forever on the alert for criticism. They recognize it, accept it, and remember it long, long after. High self esteem people are quick to recognize when others are interested in them and quick to decide whether or not to reciprocate. Low self esteem ppl do not.p358
Thus high self esteem people have a second, continuing advantage over their low esteem counterparts. Secure men and women are quick to perceive and respond to their lovers' expressions of affection. Insecure men and women aren't. They are always skeptical and always need reassurance. p359
34)p367
Men grow up in a world in which a conversation is often a contest either to achieve the upper hand or to prevent other people from pushing them around. For many women, however, talking is typically a way to exchange confirmation and support.
Men's approach: as a place where people try to achieve and maintain status.
Women's approach: as a network of connections, in which people seek consensus.
