1) Ch 4 Aloneness p97
How does the public regard loneliness?
Know how loneliness and depression differ.
2) Greenwald Article p110
How does he see loneliness?
Know the characteristics of the �somebody fill me up�
game player.
Lonely person most likely to spend his life doing
what?
What does he say about lonely people and manipulation?
A genuinely nourishing person will what?
3) Rubenstein and Shaver Article p120
Characteristics of Active solitude.
Know the relationships of lonely and being alone.
Know the relationship of solitude and intimacy.
4) Ch 5 Assertiveness p123
Tavris Article p129
Know the relationship of angry feelings and stressful
situations.
Lange and Jakubowski Article p132
Know what they say about assertion.
Know the goal of non assertion.
5) Aggression involves what?
Know the long run consequences of non assertive
behavior.
Know why people act aggressively.
Know the characteristics of a daughter whose father is
aggressive.
6) Alberti and Emmons Article p143
What is difficult for non assertive and aggressive
people?
Know what a highly assertive act is.
Know the relationship of giving and receiving a
compliment related to an assertive act.
Ch 6 Sexuality
7) Sarrel and Sarrel Article p153
How many men do not masturbate?
How many college women do masturbate?
Who admires the body in a same sex person?
In sexual communication, what does she find
frustrating?
How many women felt exploited during first
intercourse?
8) Gordon and Snyder Article p170
Define normal sexual behavior (know the definition).
What is not readily subject to change?
Regarding sexual arousal, what causes trouble?
Be able to recognize examples of sexual dysfunction.
9) Lecture
Know who gets raped.
ESSAY
Greenwald p110
Know the prime source of loneliness.
Rubenstein and Shaver p120
Describe active solitude, intimacy, and their
relationship to one another.
Exactly from the text, define assertive, non assertive
and aggressive behavior.
10) Lange and Jakubowski p132
Know the 3 immediate and 9 long term consequences of
aggression.
Lecture
Know the parts society plays in date rape. List each
part and notation that was provided with it.
From the chapter
Know 5 guidelines for women to reduce risk of date
rape and 5 guidelines for men to reduce risks of
becoming involved in date rape.
Q: How does the public regard loneliness? Page 104 bottom of first column end of last paragraph
A: The general attitude of the public toward loneliness is that they see it merely as a symptom of a weak character.
Q: Know how loneliness and depression differ. P105 middle of �In Studying...� paragraph and middle of next paragraph as well.
A: There�s a difference in loneliness and depression. In depression, when a person is really �feeling down,� he doesn�t want to do anything. Depression corrodes motivational resources. Loneliness, by contrast, has a driving power. It sets people in motion. A chief element of loneliness is a painful feeling that tells us something unpleasantly important about ourselves.
Sees it merely as a symptom of weak character. bottom of page 104
Know how loneliness and depression differ.
"In the latter case [deppression], when a person is really feeling down, he does not want to do anything. Depression corodes motivational resources. Loneliness, by contrast, has a driving power. It sets people in motion-to go out, turn on TV, write a letter, make a phone call, or even get married." middle of page 105
How does he see loneliness? A person in a state of loneliness is responsible for his loneliness.
Know the characteristics of the �somebody fill me up�
game player. Lonely person often feels unable to initiate any effective solution to his emptiness and passively looks to the world to hand him what he needs. His cry is "Here I am, somebody please love me! I need it desperately."
Lonely person most likely to spend his life doing
what? He cannot substitute realtions with other people for his own fragmented self.
What does he say about lonely people and manipulation? When the respnsibility for seeking one's own nourishment and being nouishing is neglected by one or both people, the deadly game of manipulation follow.
A genuinely nourishing person will what? Will not be lonely
Q. Characteristics of Active solitude.
A. p. 120 (bottom)
In "Active Solitude", you are "together with yourself" yet not cut off completely from others. During this time you are free to explore thoughts and feelings without worrying about what others think.
Q. Know the relationships of lonely and being alone.
A. p. 120 (bottom) One who is alone is simply by themselves, without the company of others. One who is lonely lacks communication and understanding with other people. Its is quite possible to be lonely without being alone and vice-versa.
Q. Know the relationship of solitude and intimacy.
A. p. 121 (bottom) Since in "Active Solitude" you are free to explore your feelings and thoughts, you will be able to discover you most genuine needs, perceptions and feelings. Intimacy is the sharing of those needs, perceptions and feelings with trusted friends and lovers.
Expressing anger during stressful situations can be cathartic. The blood pressure of angry male students would return to baseline more quickly when they could retaliate against the man who had angered them. This was only true when the man who angered them was a fellow student; when he was a teacher, retaliation had no cathartic effect. Expressing anger to a superior is itself an arousing, anxiety-producing action. Far from reducing anger, it complicates it. For women, any aggression, even toward a classmate, was as arousing and upsetting as aggresion toward authority was for men.(p.129)
Lange and jakubowski Article (p.132)
Assertion involves standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways which do not violate another person�s rights. Assertion involves respect�not deference. Respect for oneself, and respect for the other person.(p132)
Aggression involves directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way which is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of the other person. The usual goal of aggression is domination and winning, forcing the other person to lose.(p.133)
Long run consequences of non-assertive behavior: a person whi is frequently nonassertive feels a growing loss of self-esteem and an increasing sense of hurt and anger. Even more internal tension may then result. When this tension is constantly suppressed, somatic problems may develop, such as headaches, stomach aches, backaches, and sometimes even general depression. Other people who are interested in close relationships which are characterized by the honest expression of thoughts and feelings may withdraw or not even start a relationship with a nonassertive person. People who feel guilty about inadvertently taking advantage of another person�s nonassertiveness may withdraw from that person. Finally, although other people may initially feel sorry for the nonassertive person, their pity often tourns into irritation, and finally disgust and lack of respect.(p. 139)
People act aggressivley for five reasons(p139-41)
1. Powerlessness and threat�feeling vulnerable to anticipated/actual attack, resulting in aggressive overreaction.
2. Prior nonassertion
3. Overreaction dud to Past Emotional experience
4. Beliefs about Aggression�belief that aggression is the only way to get through to the other person.
5. Reinforcement and Skill Deficits�individuals may simply have received positive reinforcement for this behavior I their home or subculture. Or individuals may react aggressively because they have not acquired the needed assertive skills which would be appropriate for the particular situation.
A daughter whose father is aggressive may avoid or fear men, may develop a subservient, masochistic relationship with other men, or may become hostile and rebellious towards men.(p. 141)
� The long run consequences of assertion are one starts to feel a growing loss of self-esteem and increasing sense of hurt and anger. Tension may then result even greater than before causing somatic problems to develop such as head aches, stomachaches, backaches, and sometimes even general depression. Also the non-assertive person may start to experience other people around them pulling away and lose respect for the non-assertive person.
� Reasons people act aggressively.
1) Sense of powerlessness and threat, feeling vulnerable.
2) Caused form person's prior non-assertion, feelings and rights were previously violated, hurt and anger builds up. The aggression serves as justification.
3) Overreaction due to past emotional experiences. A person reacts to the present with emotions that are actually linked to the past experience or significant person
4) Beliefs about aggression that it is the only way to get through to the other person.
5) Reinforcement and skill deficit. People have been previously praised for this behavior and or they lack the appropriate assertion skills to use.
� When a father acts aggressively toward his daughter she may avoid and fear men, she may develop a subservient, masochistic relationship with other men, or may become hostile and rebellious toward men.
Q. What is difficult for non assertive and aggressive people?
A. (p143, The beginning of the first paragraph)
---We have found that expressing positive, caring feelings is often more difficult for non-assertive and agressive persons(and for many otherwise assertive persons) than "standing up" behavior.
Q. Know what a highly assertive act is.
A. (p143, the beginning of the "SAY IT OUT LOUD!")
---Expressing your positive feelings for another person is a highly assertive act.
Q. Know the relationship of giving and receiving a compliment related to an assertive act.
A. (p145 the second paragraph from the top and the bottom of the page)
---Accepting compliments--to hear someone else direct a very positive statement to you, or about you to a third person--is perhaps an even more challenging tast, particularly difficult if you are not feeling good about yourself. Nevertheless, it is an assertive act--a mutually enhacing response--to accept praise from another person.
---If you can begin to give and receive genuine affection for other persons, if you can allow yourself to hear positive things about you, if you can share your own joy with another, and glow with one who is joyous, you will experience a quality of life which makes all other assertive acts pale by comparison.
2) 85% of college women masturbate
3) Someone who is comfortable with their own sexuality, it is normal and healthy to admire the body of somone of the same sex.
4) Women find it frustrating when they ask men, "Tell me what you like me to do" and the men respond, "everything you do feels good". Women are trying to learn about their partner, and that doesnt set a good example.
5) one third of women felt exploited during first intercourse
>Normal sexual behavior (among adults)- is defined as beingvoluntary, nonsexploitative, and consensual. pg.171 paragraph 2
>Constitutional homosexuality is not readily subject to change. (neither is constitutional heterosexuality)pg.171 Paragraph 4
>People get arroused from a lot of different things such as playing with children, roughing it with a dog, being attracted to their parents, sitting in moving vehicles, having sadistic fantasies, or looking a pornography. A problem exists only if you act out the sexual arousal, or if you can get excited only or maily by thoughts or acts you or your partner find unacceptable and exploitative.
>Just about everyone is sexually dysfunctional sometimes. In other words, they are unable to "perform" despite wishing they could. An occasional experience of erectile dusfuntion, having pimature ejaculation, not reaching orgasm, or being turned off from sex altogether is not uncommon. If you attach too much importance to what could be a temporary problem, it can get worse.
Answer: Everyone
Essay
Greenwald p.110
Know the prime source of loneliness.
Answer: p.118 Conclusion. The prime source of loneliness is within the
person. I recommend to read whole 1st paragraph of conclusion.
Rubenstein and Shaver p.120
Describe active solitude, intimacy, and their relationship to one another.
Answer: p.121 2nd column 2nd paragraph, starts with "If you think about
this...." I recommend to read whole this paragraph and 1st sentence of
nextparagraph.
Exactly from the text, define assertive, non assertive and aggressive behavior.
Answer: p.123 Whole 3 paragraphs give definition for each expression.
Well,you should read it before as we did our last homework.
Immediate positive results include emotional release, a sense of power, and getting goals and needs met with out experiencing direct negative reactions from others.
The long term negative consequenses include losing or failing to stablish close relationahips and feeling one has to be constantly vigilant against attack from others.
Highly aggressive behavior may eventually cause indivduals to to lose jobs and promotions, get high blood pressure, become allienated from their children and mates, get into fights, or have trouble with the law.
Because of these negative consequences, people who are frequently aggressive eventually may feel deeply misunderstood, unloved, and unlovable.
In addition when one is aggressive, other people may retaliate in direct or indirect ways by causing work slowdowns, property damage, by making deliberate mistakes, backbiting, through doing things that are subtly irratating, or by becoming selfdestructive in an attempt to make the aggressor feel guilty. Page 141
*Roles-male as aggressor, female as passive
*Communication-society perpetuates mixed messages
*Responsibility-society excuses males
*Power-society endorses unequal _expression of power
*Anger-society endorses unequal _expression of anger
Guidelines for women:
1. Avoid situations that isolate you from ohters. Cars, dorm rooms, and off campus apartments are the types of places where you may be vulnerable.
2. Stay sober, and be able to get yourself home. Have your own transportation or taxi fare.
3. Be independant and aware of your dates. Have oppinions on what you will do and pay your own way.
4. Be aware of specific situations in which you feel uncomfortable or not in charge. Trust your gut instinct; if you are uncomfortable and want to leave early, do it without fear of seeming rude.
5.Do not give mixed messages-say "yes" when you mean "yes" and "no" when you mean "no." Passivity may be interpretted as as permission, and if a woman ignores sexual overtones she does not like, it may be viewed as tacit approval to continue-men are not mind readers.
6. Refuse verbally, clearly, and with determination, to participate in sexual activities that are against your will. Do not worry about being impolite. Accepting th emyth that women should not act forcefully-or that anger is unfeminine-makes women more vulnerable.
7. Watch out for men who ignore your personal space boundaries, ignore what you have to say, hold stereotypical beliefs about women, do what they want regardless of your wishes, or accuse you of being "uptight" if you resist their sexual advances.
8. Remeber-if you are raped, it was not our fault. No one asks to be raped or deserves it. Tell someone-this may be your first step to recovery. Contact your university health service for help, or look inthe phone book for local support organizations.
Guidlines for men:
1. It is never okay to force yourself on someone. Even if you feel you've been led on; you've paid for an expensive evening; she is dressed in a sexy way; she's had sex with you before-repeat-it is never okay.
2. If you are getting an unclear message form your partner about having sex, do not assume that you want what your partner wants-ASK.
3. If your partner is unsure about what she wants, be sensitive, and suggest talking about it. Do not try to pressure her into having sex.
4. Your desires and your actions are two different things. You are responsible for your actions even if you are sexually excited or you if are intoxicated.
5. No one asks to be raped or enjoys having sex forced on them. No matter how a woman behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want.
6. In order to consent, your partner must the ability to make a decision. If that person is physically or mentally incapable of making a decision, the act of sexual intercourse is considered rape.
7. Remember, rape is a crime of violence. It is illegal.
Greenwald sees lonliness as self-afflicted. A person in a state of lonliness is responsible for his loneliness.
The �somebody fill me up� game player feels unable to initiate any effective solution to his emptiness and pasively looks to the world to hand him what he needs. His helpless atitude places the burden on others. The lonely person rarely is aware of this toxic attitude and continues to experience his lonliness as a mystifying puzzle. Often the lonely person proclaims to the world that he has �a lot to give� if only he could find the right person to appreciate him. Intimacy is an attitude and a way of being; it is not some kind of prize package one can hope to find or to work hard enough to deserve. The lonely person�s attitude of withholding his love is often a fa�ade with which he deceives himself. Actually, he is constantly evaluating others like a personnel manager screening people for a job.
A lonely person is most likely to spend his life
Rubenstein and Shaver Article
Active solitude is the positive side of being alone. In solitude, you are together with yourself, physically but not psychologically cut off from other people; free to explore thoughts and feelings without regard for anyone else�s immediate reactions. You can hear your own mental voice and react to your own suble desires andmoods. Oddly enough, the result is often a deeper affection for other people.(p.120)
The relationships of lonely and being alone:
The relationships of solitude and intimacy:
Tavris Article p129
Expressing anger during stressful situations can be cathartic. The blood pressure of angry male students would return to baseline more quickly when they could retaliate against the man who had angered them. This was only true when the man who angered them was a fellow student; when he was a teacher, retaliation had no cathartic effect. Expressing anger to a superior is itself an arousing, anxiety-producing action. Far from reducing anger, it complicates it. For women, any aggression, even toward a classmate, was as arousing and upsetting as aggresion toward authority was for men.(p.129)
Lange and jakubowski Article (p.132)
Assertion involves standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways which do not violate another person�s rights. Assertion involves respect�not deference. Respect for oneself, and respect for the other person.(p132)
Aggression involves directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way which is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of the other person. The usual goal of aggression is domination and winning, forcing the other person to lose.(p.133)
Long run consequences of non-assertive behavior: a person whi is frequently nonassertive feels a growing loss of self-esteem and an increasing sense of hurt and anger. Even more internal tension may then result. When this tension is constantly suppressed, somatic problems may develop, such as headaches, stomach aches, backaches, and sometimes even general depression. Other people who are interested in close relationships which are characterized by the honest expression of thoughts and feelings may withdraw or not even start a relationship with a nonassertive person. People who feel guilty about inadvertently taking advantage of another person�s nonassertiveness may withdraw from that person. Finally, although other people may initially feel sorry for the nonassertive person, their pity often tourns into irritation, and finally disgust and lack of respect.(p. 139)
People act aggressivley for five reasons(p139-41)
1. Powerlessness and threat�feeling vulnerable to anticipated/actual attack, resulting in aggressive overreaction.
2. Prior nonassertion
3. Overreaction dud to Past Emotional experience
4. Beliefs about Aggression�belief that aggression is the only way to get through to the other person.
5. Reinforcement and Skill Deficits�individuals may simply have received positive reinforcement for this behavior I their home or subculture. Or individuals may react aggressively because they have not acquired the needed assertive skills which would be appropriate for the particular situation.
A daughter whose father is aggressive may avoid or fear men, may develop a subservient, masochistic relationship with other men, or may become hostile and rebellious towards men.(p. 141)
Alberti and Emmons article p143
Expressing positive, caring feelings is often more dificult for non-assertive and aggressive persons than �standing up� behavior.(p. 143)
Expressing your positive feelings for another person is a highly assertive act.(p.143)
Compliments are a frequent source of discomfort for nonassertive and aggressive persons. Accepting compliments�to hear someone else direct a very positive statement to you, or about you to a third person�is perhaps an even more challenging task, particularly difficult if you are not feeling good about yourself. Nevertheless, it is an assertive act�a mutually enhancing response�to accept praise from another person.(p144-5)
Chapter 6-sexuality
Sarrel and Sarrel article p153)
One male in twenty does not masturbate(p157)
85 percent of college women say they are masturbating.(p157)
Just as women like to look at women�s bodies, we have found that many men admire other men�s bodies. (p160)
Greenwald p 110
Know the prime source of lonliness:
The prime source of loneliness is within the person. He will be lonely to the degree to which he is fragmented and alienated from himself. He cannot substitute relations with other people for his own fragmented self, and this is exactly what the lonely person iw most apt to spend his life trying to do. No matter how rich and gratifying a relationship may be, when a person seeks from others what which he needs to find within himself, he only creates a lonely, alienated existence.
As long as a person insists on feeling victimized, he creates a stalemate for himself from which no change is possible. When he is willing to accept responsibility for what he does to himself, he opens himself to experimentation, risk taking, and discovering more gratifying ways of being. Self-incuced poisoning processes are based on fears and lack of conficence in one�s own ability to do better. A person needs to discover how to activate his own capabilities. When a person�s behavior becomes authentica nd his actions are in good faith, he knows others are responding to him. His lifelong anxiety about being �found out� and his fears of rejection lessen as he gives up his false fronts.(p118)
Rubenstein and Shaver p.120
Describe active solitude, intimacy, and their relationship to one another.
Active solitude emphasizes the positive side of being alone. You are together with yourself, physically but not psychologically cut off form other people; free to explore thoughts and feelings without regard for anyone else�s immediate reactions. You can hear your own mental voice and react to your own subtle desires and moods. Oddly enough, the result is often a deeper affection for other people.
Assertive�the expression of one�s own rights without infringing on the rights of others. When we are assertive, we stand up for ourselves and express our thoughts and feelings directly, honestly, and appropriately. We show resprct for ourselves, but at the same time we demonstrate respect for those with whom we are involved.
Nonassertiveness�the failure to express one�s rights. When we are nonassertive, we hold back and fail to present our thoughts and feelings. Or we express ourselves in such half-hearted, roundabout, or self effacing ways that we can be misperceived or disregarded. IN being nonassertive, we do not show respect for ourselves, and although we simetimes rationalize that we hold ourselves back for altruistic reasons, there may be inplicit disrespect for others and for their ability to stick up for themselves and deal with their own problems and disappointments.
Aggression�is hurtful behavior, it can be used to express one�s rights but at the expense of another person. When we are aggressive, we lash out verbally or physically, directly or indirectly, in the attempt to belittle or to overpower others or to put them down. When we use aggression we do not show respect for others, and we may show a simultaneous lack of respect for our own capacities, in that we have found it necessary to resort to such tactics.
Lange and Jakubowski (p132)
The three immediate consequences of aggression include emotional release, sense of power, and getting goals and needs met without experiencing direct negative reactions from others.(p141)
The 9 long term consequences of aggression are losing or failing to establish close relationships and feeling one has to be constantly vigilant against attack from others. Highly aggressive behavior may eventually cause individuals to lose jobs and promotions, get high blood pressure, become alienated from their children and mates, get into fights, or have trouble with the law. Because of these negative consequences, persons who are frequently aggressive eventually may feel deeply misunderstood, unloved and unlovable. In addition, other people may retaliate in direct or indirect ways by causing work slowdowns, property damage, by making deliberate mistakes, backbiting, through doing things that are subtly irritating, or by becoming self-destructive in an attempt to make the aggressor feel guilty.(p141)
Guidelines for women to reduce risk of date rape(p183):
1. Avoid situations that isolate you from others.
2. Stay sober, and be able to get yourself home.
3. Be independent and aware of your dates.
4. Be aware of specific situations in which you feel uncomfortable or not in charge.
5. Do not give mixed messages
6. Refuse verbally, clearly and with determination, to participate in sexual activities that are against your will.
7. Watch out for men who ignore your personal space boundaries, ignore what you have to say, hold stereotypical beliefs about women, do what they want regardless of your wishes, or accuse you of being �uptight� if you resist their sexual advances.
8. Remember�if you are raped, it was not your fault.
Guidelines for men to avoid getting involved in date rape(p183):
1. It is never okay to force yourself on someone
2. If you are getting an unclear message from your partner about having sex, do not assume that you want what your partner wants�ASK!
3. If your paretner is unsure about what she wants, be sensitive, and suggest talking about it. Do not try to pressure her into having sex.
4. Your desires and your actions are two diferent things. You are responsible for your actiojns even if you are sexually excited or if your are intoxicated.
5. No one asks to be raped or enjoys having sex forced on them.
6. In order to consent, your partner must have the ability to make a decision, if that person is physically or mentally incapable of making a decision, the act of sexual intercourse is considered rape.
7. Remember, rape is a crime of violence. It is illegal.
