Turn on your television on any night of the week and you'll be bombarded with one daringly fucking stupid "reality" dating show after another. From ABC's The Bachelor (and its sequels and spin-offs) to FOX's Joe Millionaire to NBC's Meet My Folks, and of course, we cannot forget the all infamous BlindDate, it seems that viewing audiences want, more than ever, to virtually bang the everyday folks on "reality" television.
But how "real" can any of these shows really be when there's a camera honing in from every angle, not to mention a pot of money at the end of the series? What are the contestants' ultimate goals? What is this person thinking? Is it really true love they're after, or does every star of "reality" TV have ulterior motives? And seriously folks, can you possibly fathom the immense size of the fuck I absolutely do not give about any of this shit in a time of WAR?!? I think we all know the answer.
Now I have do have to admit that I am quite the addict of "reality" TV; then again, there isn't really much else on nowadays. It provides good material for a comic like me, and you can only watch so many sports games. Of course, the ladies of such television series are quite easy on the eyes. Even if the show is stupid, at least your look at a good piece of ass, even if they have the brain of a rat. Trista, Zora, Helene, Amanda....if you are familiar with any these names, then you really don�t have a fucking life.
But from shows like NBC's Meet My Folks, in which parents get to pimp their children (They should just rename it, �Who wants to bang my daughter?�), to FOX's Temptation Island, where the series separates dumbass couples and then bombards them with horny members of the opposite sex, it's quite obvious that dating and marriage simply aren't what they used to be... and neither are our morals by watching this putrid, incoherent shit.
How genuine can these women possibly be when they opt to go on shows that are given names like Joe Millionaire? If any woman on that particular show tried to sell that, "I'm just looking for real love" hype, who in the world would believe it? No boy from my muthafuckin� hood would, yo, that's fo� god damn sho!
And how about this new Bachelor? Who can get forget Mr. Firestone? He's the latest Bachelor to hook up with 25 chicks that are looking for love�.of money, that is. I'm sure that once they discover his last name, that won't change at all. After all, he's only worth well over $400 million, and he brews his own beer. Actually, I think I�d date this guy - if I were a girl, of course. Why can�t I find a girl well worth 400 million, who brews her own beer, and is a blonde nymph with the knowledge of Patriots coach Bill Belichick�s Cover 4 Zone Blitz defenses?
The belief that many women are looking for a meal ticket is reinforced yet again, just as it was the first time everyone laid their eyes on FOX's Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire? This show set the standard that taught every network a lesson about how to go about airing a "reality" dating show, or at least prove the fact that television executives do not have an ounce of perception of ethics whatsoever. When it was discovered that alleged "multi-millionaire" Rick Rockwell wasn't worth more than a million, and that even that money was tied up, not to mention that he had once threatened an ex-girlfriend, shows like The Bachelor began doing hefty background checks and testing every contestant for diseases. I mean, the last thing ABC wants to see in USA Today is the headline, �Bachelor gets burned by gonorrhea via contestant on reality show�.
What happened to the good old days of Chuck Woolery?
Growing up, I watched shows like The Dating Game and Love Connection, but they were nothing like today's dating shows. They were fun, poking at the difference between the sexes. There was something fun, innocent to it. Now, if you've ever tuned in to an episode of MTV�s Dismissed (Music? On Music Television? No, of course not! What a silly idea!), a show in which two women or men vie for the affections of one man or woman, you'd realize in a hurry that people want to win and will do anything, and I mean anything, to win. And that's what it all really comes down to -- winning. And really big boobs.
Rejection is hard to deal with on its own; throw a camera, a large-viewing audience and competitors into the mix, and rejection (or losing �the game� for that matter) is no longer an option. Although, if they ever made a show about my dating life, it would be a hit; I get rejected by women more than a Pakistani family applying for a visa. Seinfeld had a show about nothing; my show would be about getting none. But these people are willing to kiss, dance and even have sex to win the game. And yes, it is a game, this fucked up, bold existence we call dating.
Marriage is hanging by a weak string as it is, with 60% failing in this country. Now reality TV is making it even more grotesque. There's no possible way that the institution of marriage can remain sacred, let alone survive. If more than half of all marriages end in divorce, just imagine how much that number will increase if all these dueshbags on these shows marry as well.
These shows provide entertainment, controversy, conflict, virtual pornography, and of course, something to chat about by the water cooler at work besides the U.S. invading Basra and Kirkuk. In the grand scheme of it all, however, it does not lend itself to anything positive when it comes to dating or marriage. But you have to admit that, whether it's the great editing, fixed dialogue or na�ve contestants, no �real� person in his right mind would ever date a another person that came from any of these �reality� shows. Watching these shows make me feel better as a person, �At least I am not THAT fucked up.� Why? Because we're well aware of what these people motivations for dating/marriage are. Cash is the reality TV women�s Viagra; as is the sexual conquest with video proof on national television for the men, plain and simple. I saw a hot 33 year old blonde go into bed with a 66 year old Eddie Munster, for Christ�s Sake. A person fucking Eddie Munster just to get on television? I�ll stick to stand-up comedy, thank you very much (no pun intended).
Of course, I'll keep watching, as I'm sure the rest of America will, but it's quite obvious that nothing good will come out of these shows. It is, in the time of war, one of the many �weapons of mass distraction� our government loves while we invade another country. But hey, just think of it this way - at least we are fighting for the Iraqi people�s right to come up with their version of FOX's �Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire?�, �Who wants to marry a multi-million goat herder�. You see folks, the right to put anything on television, no matter how shitty it is, that�s what freedom is all about.