���.those fucking people who seem to be oblivious to the fact that the theatre is going to be stuffed to the rafters, walk in looking for seats. These clueless clusterfucks tend to travel in packs ranging in size from two to ten, and they expect to stroll into opening night of �The Matrix�, �Spiderman� or �Lord of the Rings� after the lights have gone down and get seats together. Don't they realize that most people in the theatre have been waiting in line for an hour or more to get good seats? Obviously not, because they are unintelligent, helpless morons.
Once they determine that sitting together is futile, the pack leader will then trumpet his or her mating call, "Hey, are them seats taken? Is anyone sitting there?" The leader disperses the group to find the pack members single seats throughout the auditorium. Then the mating dance begins as pack members squeeze past you, their bulging rear ends directly at eye level (which can be good or bad). As they step on your toes in the darkness, they drop offerings of food and beverages from the concessions stand in your lap while at the same time, blocking your view of the newest preview for Rob Schneider�s new movie, �The Hot Chick meets Dumb and Dumberer�. Well, OK, maybe that particular instance was a blessing in disguise; but what if it was a movie I DO want to see in the future?
Who are these people? What is their aversion to start arriving BEFORE the movie is supposed to begin? I know that the newspaper says the movie starts at 7:15pm, but it is customary to arrive before the previews! Did I miss a memo?
Could the "latecomers" be related in some form to the dreaded �Cell Phone Ringers�?! It's bad enough to have a dramatic or crazy action scene interrupted by a digitized version of "The Star Spangled Banner" or Nelly�s, �It�s Getting� Hot in Herrre�; but it amazes me to the point of where I question that our universe actually exists when they actually answer the phone, then start to have a conversation with the person that called during the movie. "Hey man, what's up? No, I'm just seeing a movie - we can talk." IT�S JUST A MOVIE!!!!! Shut off your fucking phone! Didn�t you see the cartoon popcorn guy playing the drums on the screen telling everyone to shut off all cell phones before the movie begin, you morose, na�ve shithead! The next fucking time you hear someone's cell phone ring in a movie theatre, do us all a favor; lend a hand and invite that person to stick the phone someplace a bit darker and a whole lot tighter. Can you hear me now, asshole!
Of course in every movie there are also the line repeaters. Line Repeaters are usually an older group of individuals that forgot to turn up their hearing aids; or someone who just thinks it's amusing to repeat lines that were just uttered on screen. "Heh, heh, that little green dude said, �Hard to see, the dark side is.� He talks funny." Can you say, redundant? Either that - or they have some really good weed.
If you or someone you know is a Latecomer, Cell Phone Ringer, or Line Repeater, please do the rest of us a favor; stay home and rent a fucking video!