I hate this fucking Yahoo thing~~~>
Yes folks, if you are a big basketball fan like me, you know it�s the most wonderful time of the year � the NCAA Tournament. After watching 4 days of non-stop basketball (Although on the first day the U.S. invades a Muslim country, it was ironic I bet on the Crusaders of Holy Cross to cover the spread � which they did), I have seen enough to come to my ultimate conclusions. From the Ducks of Oregon (I can�t believe I had them winning their first game. I mean they are the DUCKS. How did I figure that Ducks would beat the Utes of Utah?) to the Salukis (It�s a dog) of Southern Illinois (I knew they were losing when they did a MTV Diary), we are now down to 16 teams. How sweet it is! And that is why I am here � to give you my predictions on who will advance to the Final Four in New Orleans.
First let�s start in the West bracket:
The top seed Arizona Wildcats takes on the fifth seeded Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. Now first of all, I am a big Notre Dame fan, but that is for football. I hate this basketball team. These bastards beat Illinois, who I had in a tourney draw with a grand prize of 300 dollars. Although, I can�t hate on Notre Dame, they do have a bunch of offensive talent, with one of the best point guards in the country Chris Thomas, an inside presence in Torin Francis, and two lights out shooters in Dan Miller and Matt Carroll. This team can put up a ton of points, but I still don�t think they will beat Arizona, because the Wildcats (There are like 5 teams each in this tournament with the nicknames Wildcats and Bulldogs. Originality? Anyone?) have incredible depth, which is important in this tournament. I also like Jason Gardner. He single handedly beat Gonzaga on Saturday. I�d take Arizona, but I wouldn�t take the points. This one will be down to the wire, but the over in this game, with two of the hottest offenses in the nation squaring off
(108), is as attractive as Christina Aguilera BEFORE she looked like a transvestite French whore in the Moulin Rouge video.
Then the #3 Duke takes on Kansas, who is the #2. I had Kansas losing in the second round of my bracket to Memphis (They lost in the first round), which only shows how much of a genius I am. I am picking Duke in this one, because Kansas and their coach Roy Williams has a history of shitting the bed in the tournament, a lot like the Boston Red Sox. And if anyone knows about failing to reach potential, it�s the Boston Red Sox fans. They are a good team, but always find a way to lose.
So, that leaves us with two, Arizona versus Duke. And the West representative is���.Duke. I hate Duke. I loathe Duke. I don�t even know why I am picking them, but this tournament is all about anticipating the unexpected. Plus Duke has good three point shooting. However, that makes them vulnerable for a bad game, too. There was one game this year where Duke chucked up 44 threes. This team is the college version of the Boston Celtics, I am convinced.
The Midwest:
The #1 Kentucky Wildcats (31-3) play the #5 seeded Badgers of Wisconsin. Kentucky has won 25 in a row, their coach�s first name is Tubby, and Ashley Judd goes to every game wearing skimpy UK garb, which we all want to see as long as possible. How can you NOT love this team? And they are playing Wisconsin (a.k.a big tall goofy white guys), so unless the Badgers can baffle them with their really bad accents and cheeseheads, take Kentucky�.and the points.
Next is one of the best matchups in the tourney. Number 2 seed Pitt takes on number 3 seed Marquette. Marquette is the team in Wisconsin that is GOOD, with Travis Deiner and Dwayne Wade. BUT I don�t see them beating Pitt. Pitt is a team with senior leadership and athletes, so I will go with Pitt on this one.
In the final, I have Kentucky beating Pitt, because Kentucky has the best defense, and their alumni and cheerleaders are hotter.
RANDOM NOTE: Did anyone see the Miss USA pageant on NBC live from El Paso, TX on Monday? I have some things to say about it. First, pageants are dumb. With that being said, I have some other quarrels with it. In the final round, each contestant is asked a final question. Miss Texas was asked about how she felt about celebrities commenting on the war with Iraq. I mean, c�mon. This HAS to be rigged, like the Tyson-Etienne fight. The girl says that celebrities should shut their mouths, and support our troops and our president, who is also from Texas. I don�t make this shit up. Why don�t you ask her opinion on the death penalty while you are fucking at it? I was almost expecting them to give the crown to her right there, but they didn�t! She finished second, behind Miss Massachusetts (woohoo!), most likely because the judges (Including Warren Sapp � what the fuck does Warren Sapp know about judging beauty pageants? �I picked Miss Massachusetts because she has a phatty.�) must have known the liberal Miss Massachusetts would have definitely asked for a recount of votes over her conservative Texas counterpart. Now Miss Massachusetts is a daughter of an immigrant from Puerto Rico. When asked about her grand mom, she said she was tough, because her grand mom had 19 KIDS. 19? Holy Shit! That isn�t a mom with a family, that�s a foster home! Miss Mass was also asked for her final question what three things she would have in a 21st century time capsule. She says cell phone, makeup, and a computer. I disagree with her on two of them. The cell phone is a good call. I would have not said makeup and a computer. If I were her, I would have said a cell phone, a George Foreman grill, and Ecstasy pills. Too bad they didn�t have a capsule for her grand mom, because it could have had a box of condoms, birth control pills, and more fucking condoms. 19 Kids! Jesus Christ! I lose hair thinking about one kid, and I am ranting again. Where was I?
Oh ya, NCAA basketball. Here is the East:
Oklahoma, the #1 seed, I have them beating #12 Butler�..barely. I like Butler, I have them going this far, but that is it. Oklahoma is too tough, too tall, and they know too much about farming. Although Butler has a great shooting team, lead by Darnell Archey, who looks an awful lot like comedian Jon Fisch. The Sooners will win, but Butler will cover.
Then I have #3 Syracuse over #10 Auburn. Both schools have a lot of basketball history, but Syracuse is a tough team, lead by freshman sensation Carmelo Anthony. Take the Orange in this one.
In the final, pick Oklahoma over Syracuse, because Carmelo Anthony will have gotten an agent and an accountant for the NBA by then; and at this point, he won�t care if he�s in the Final Four or not.
Finally the South:
Dave, my roommate, will love me for this one. I see #5 UConn beating the #1 seed Texas. UConn is a great team, who is anchored by their center, Emeka Okafor, who I am convinced is the next Bill Russell. This guy NEEDS to be on the Celtics, so we have someone to clean up the bullshit Antoine Walker throws up each night. Although Texas teams are tough and disciplined. You have to be disciplined to play in a state that has had over 299 death penalty convictions. Ouch! Texas� nickname shouldn�t be the Longhorns, it should be the Syringes or the Grim Reapers.
Next, I have Maryland, the #6 over Michigan State, the #10. Michigan State has athletes, but they will be distracted by the hot cheerleaders UMD has. Maryland also has 4 seniors in their starting lineup. Experience is key in this tourney.
In the final, I have UConn over Maryland, because my roommate will give me shit the rest of the year if I pick UMD and UConn ends up winning it.
So there you have it. Kentucky, Duke, UConn, and Oklahoma. Should be a great final four, which I will not remember most likely, because I will be shitfaced. Enjoy!