Broken: Part Ten “Recollection II”
5/25/00
By: Hikari
Notes: I would like to dedicate parts nine and ten to my friends (including those I know via e-mail… You know who you are). Although my real life friends don’t read my work- I find I should still devote these parts to them for being there whenever I needed them. Likewise, I will do the same for them. The ties that hold friends together are so precious, every memory we make is meant to be re-opened again in our minds to enjoy. Although time separates us by miles and miles, whether by moving or by becoming an adult, the bonds that we have can never be lost. They are forever locked in our love.
All disclaimers apply.
*****
A blue Mitsubishi pulls up to the driveway, tires rivering paths in the enormous pools of water. Headlights were aglow, blazing intensely into the pitch-black fog. The windshield wipers were at their strongest, vigorously smearing away the large drops- which were descending from the overly pregnant clouds. Kurama straightens from his poise, and starts for the passenger seat. At the same time, I am thankful to finally let go of the metal bar. The components click, and the cable winds-in with loud whirls.
As Kurama opens the door to his seat, I see it’s my only chance to get into the car as well. Like hell you’re going to leave me out here… I’ll blow the tires out first if that’s what it takes!
I blur to the opening door and slide inside. Then, I struggle to get into the backseats. If Kurama’s arm going through my abdomen can cause me to bleed, I don’t know what him accidentally sitting on me will do- God forbid I’ll be squashed by a ningen body. As luck may have it, my foot gets caught in between the two headrests. My weight brings me forward, and I land in a heap in the leather seats. DAMN IT! All that crappy training from Mukuro and I can’t even keep myself from getting my foot get trapped in between two stupid chairs! Since when did I get so inept? No, I won’t answer that…
“Oi! You okay? Sorry I took so long- it’s so dark I couldn’t find the right street.”
Kurama fastens his seatbelt, smoothing the strap to his comfort. “It’s alright, I’m not that wet. It’s just fortunate that an awning happened to open over my head…”
Yusuke ran his fingers through his long bangs; they falling playfully back into place. “What awning?”
“Huh?” My friend rotates his head, and is stunned to learn that the sunshade was folded. Surprise… surprise… you’ve got a half-drowned demon watching over your backs…
Yusuke waits for an answer, but then kindly shakes off the mystery. “Yea- well, it doesn’t really matter now. The important thing is to get out of here before we have to build another arc…” Taking the car out of neutral, we steer out of the plaza. I look back to where Kurama and I stood- through a smoggy window. Reaching to wipe the glass, my hand immediately retreats from the icy touch.
“Kurama? Mind putting that C.D. in for me?”
He shuffles through Yusuke’s opened duffle bag. “You mean this one?” He answers after fishing out a clear-cased disc. The other only nods, and Kurama slips the disc into the player. Soon after, the whole automobile was raging with…
“Wow, even when it’s raining you still like to listen to techno?” The redhead sweat drops, smiling nervously at Yusuke’s selection of music at a time like this. I’m not at all surprised- really I half anticipated it. Nothing can tear this guy away from himself. Never afraid to speak his mind, never dreading being looked down upon. This is he, an individual. I’ve seen so many stereotypes in the human world. It’s dim-witted. All that is vital is image. Almost everyone in the race is a copy. Nothing, but clones. There are few that appreciate their uniqueness, but these few are the ones ostracized by society. The village scapegoats. Fortuitously, my friends ARE a part of those few- and we have come to recognize each other for what we are worth. What is the importance of image compared to self? If simply, I could bear with whom I am- I would, by no means, have no tribulations regarding the loss of my consciousness to the world.
“Yea! Keeps me from falling asleep over the wheel!”
Alright… NOW I’m nervous.
Kurama chuckles uneasily, tightening his restraint and locking the doors. “You have… air bags right?”
“Course! What do you take me for? A dropout?”
More nervous… I’m such a hypocrite. I’ve been in this place for so long, I’ve developed an orthodox way of thinking aimed at assumed stupidity… I hate psychological contradiction.
“Eh… right.” Green irises gaze out his side, evidently trying to forget the recent conversation for the better of his sake. “So…” He begins. “How are you and Keiko-san?”
“Fine… I guess… She’s just so moody.”
“It’s normal- she probably just wants more time with you.”
Yusuke shrugs, and the C.D. shifts into a different track:
Do you think you’re better off alone?
Do you think you’re better off alone?
Do you think you’re better off alone?
Do you think you’re better off alone?
Talk to me..
Ooo…
Talk to me…
*****
This wasn’t the first time I was conned into coming here. This place… it’s so loud, and the continuous flashing of multicolored lasers was giving me a migraine. Still… the bar here makes up for it. At the moment, I’m in a booth- by myself. The others are on the dance floor, moving with no shame to the beat. The beat… the beat was fast and pounding. The vibrations traveled straight from the flooring to the chairs, stools, and tables- my glass rattling. Women were wearing the skimpiest attire I had ever seen.
Showing off their skin, short skirts and strapless tops threatening to entice the opposite sex into the bed. On the opposite side of the line, men are clothed in crisp shirts and sport coats. Pointless. They would just remove those articles from perspiration and temptation. So this is a rave: beams, strobes, a mirror ball, a dark room, mindless dancing, and… the reason why I came again… alcohol.
I stare idly at the small shooter of sake. This was my twenty-third shot. After drinking this one, I can complete the formation of my pyramid made of stacked cups.
The glass was cool, melted ice brimming the edges. Inside it was yellow, or auburn. It looks so good, I feel myself drooling from the inside… But before I had a chance to chug the liquor down- someone slams his palm down on my shoulder.
“WHAT?!” I snap.
Yusuke steps back, hands raised to his chest in case of the need of defense. “Whoa… I was just gonna’ ask you if you wanted to join us…” He thumbs over his shoulder- pointing towards the stage. “Common’ it’s great!”
An indignant smirk makes its way across my face. “I pass.”
The gigantous grin on his lips wilts. Serenely, my ally takes the seating on the other side of the booth- his body bouncing slightly due to the cushions and springs. He adjusts his posture, and leans across the table in a business-like manner: hands folded, façade solemn. The way Yusuke is looking at me makes sweat drip down my back- gradually sopping into my brusque blue shirt. My eyes move back to the shooter, right hand lingering after it.
“You’ve been drinking a lot of that lately…” He interrupts, and my hand withdraws.
“So?” I look up to him again, and I am shaken to find that his deep brown eyes haven’t left my face for a second.
“So you’ve been drinking more than my Kaasan has… That’s a lot of sake Hiei.”
“You’re not finished.” I retort coldly. “Don’t stop if you have more to say than that.”
Yusuke responds patiently, not in the least bit insulted or provoked from what I had just said. “You’ve also been getting really thin- your clothes can work as a parachute if you jumped off a cliff. There’s hardly any flesh on you, how long has it been from the time when you’ve last eaten?”
Honestly, I can’t remember.
“Can you answer that Hiei?”
I could, but I don’t wish to. If I told, you wouldn’t believe me. “What are you interrogating me for? Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend? Or Botan?”
An uncomfortable silence settles between us. What’s making it more awkward was the fact that Yusuke hadn’t blink or budged from his position in the last fifteen minutes. I don’t know exactly why, but at that moment I felt as though I were pinned down in a corner. Ensnared by chains- imprisoned by irises, like the worst possible misstep nature could make. A freak. I wanted to look away. NO. I wanted HIM to stop staring at me like that. Yusuke’s vision was delving deep into me- unraveling the secrets and feelings I held within. DAMN YOU YUSUKE! Don’t look at me like that! I can’t stand it!
“Stop staring at me.” What I spoke came out to be a frail whisper, more willingly than a demand.
“I would… but there’s not much of you left to stop gazing at in the first place.”
“Don’t be smart.”
“I’m not- I’m just telling you what I can see.” He then left the booth.
My whole body is shivering, and the temperature abruptly fell. I feel… naked… stripped… raped. Insecure fingers push the shooter away, and I wrap myself with my own arms. I can’t quit shaking, and my tongue is becoming salty- bitter. I drag my form out of the seating, pathetically limping away to a nearby exit. As I struggle to get to the heavy door, the entire room was spiraling and appeared undulated. It takes much exertion to carry on holding my frame up- and even more to push the door open. Getting outside, into a steamy and damp alley- I hang on to the brick wall to help my support. I can hear myself huffing, with sweat banding over my forehead. With my left arm I clutch onto my stomach. Spine stiffening, I regurgitate blood and mucus- the stench of alcohol following suit. Never before had I thrown-up as much as this; I was beginning to get afraid I would also start to vomit my organs because there was nothing left to disgorge. I even remember walking past a man in the street who accused me to be a sufferer of anorexia- he would have been closer if he had said bulimia.
“What’s… going… on…?” I cry, still having not sojourned. The exit I went out through opens, and footfalls set out to where I am.
“Hiei…?”
When I turn to see whom it is- my balance is lost and I fall forward. However, I didn’t hit the ground- someone caught me.
***
My head throbs, and bit by bit my eyesight was focusing altogether. The surroundings are unfamiliar to me. I’m in a small room- wooden floor, one window, my body rested on a futon and covered with an old blanket. There is no light, other than the moon’s rays- bathing the quarters hues of silver and steel. The air conditioning was the only noise emitted at the time- air passing from the vents, sometimes pulsating the bolts.
“You sweated your fever out, I think you’ll be fine now. That is, if you put something in that tummy.”
A ringing sound ran continuously in my eardrums, the sentence was perceived jarred and unnatural. My head shifts to where I heard the voice; neck being so rigid- wincing was no option. “Yusuke?”
He reaches over and grabs the soaked towel from my brow, flinging it carelessly into a large bowl. “None other, you got totally smashed. It’s a good thing you’re not as vulnerable to booze as Kuwabara is- otherwise you’d be dancing on the pool tables.”
Closing my eyes, I rest my forearm over my head. “Don’t compare me to him.”
“You’re right- nothing to compare.”
Yusuke knows I’m confining a smile, and the very thought of that makes him lift a corner of his mouth. He understands me a little too well- and somehow I find that it disturbs me. “Have you been watching over me?”
“Only for two and a half hours. I don’t know what healthy youkai temperature is- but there’s no question that you were burning up. I was tempted to fry an egg on you.”
I raise my arm to glance at him. “You were keeping a vigil on me for that long? What time is it?”
He laughs quietly, for once, back leaning against the pale wall- head drawn upwards. “3:45 A.M. Had to carry you to my car and leave the rave early.”
The ceiling became my new vista after that statement. “I ruined your night…”
“Nah…” He shrugs, fumbling with his tie to loosen it. “I go to clubs all the time- my feet could use a break.” His attention relocates fully onto me, and again I feel out of place. Yusuke good-humoredly punched me on the shoulder. That wasn’t good; from doing this he cracked all four of his knuckles. “And you could gain weight… if not height.”
“Why do you care about what happens to me? If you’ve forgotten, I nearly killed you.” Absently, I toy with a free strand of thread from the red and white checkered quilt.
“You’re too harsh on yourself.”
“You think so?” I yank the string, and toss it aside.
“Hiei… that was more than six years ago!”
“How does THAT change anything?”
“Now look who’s the one interrogating.” Chestnut irises roll contemptuously.
“Hn.”
“Alright, alright… I know it’s not good to mess around with someone’s head after a hangover.” Yusuke says, waving his hand as a mock apology.
“Not only do you crack jokes at the most inane moments, but you also know how to rub it in.”
“Well, that just shows I care.”
“Now we’re back to the question I started you with.”
“Not exactly, your first question was ‘was I watching over you and what time is it?’”
Teeth grit. “Don’t make me think in circles- give me a straight answer before I recover and do away with you.”
This half-human, half-demon waits a while to intense the melodrama. I’m too exhausted to complain, and Yusuke is using this to his advantage. Very well, I’ll wait too. You’re not the only one who can play this game. Hell, I invented this game! He grins to himself, shaking his head all knowingly- scruffy strands swaying in sync. Sighing, Yusuke then taps his fingers on the floor in a repeated beat: tap tap taptaptap, tap tap taptaptap. I chew on my lip disdainfully- he wants me to go insane!
At last, he answers: “You can’t get too far on your own, Hiei. At the same time, you can’t get too far with the help of everyone. Kurama told you this once right?”
A mellow ‘yes’ was the reply.
“That’s why there’s friendship. True friends help each other, but they don’t interfere with another’s own life and goals. Friends can only do so much- yet it’s THAT much that can make things all the more better… OH SHIT! I sound like Belldandy from Oh! My Goddesses!” He smacks his forehead, palm rubbing down and stretching his face to weird proportions.
Out of nowhere, I let out a weak laugh. “You’re becoming ‘frilly’ Yusuke.”
“Do you think it’s from hangin’ out with Shiori-san?”
“You’re changing the subject.”
Yusuke groans in defeat. “Even after all that you’re still aware of everything- that scares me Hiei.”
Unemotionally, I bat my lids. It actually hurts to keep them open- all the nerves and veins in my head feel strained to the limit. “You’re doing it again. What’s the point of your speech?”
“If you put it that way- I’m just saying I consider you a friend. At the very least an ally.”
Another ‘Hn.’ What Yusuke told me kept me thinking for the next half-hour. A friend? How can he say that? I never did him any real favors… did I? I continued speculating at this, until it dawned on me that my companion hadn’t left the room nor did he go to sleep. “Don’t you have to go to bed by now?”
“Ssshh. If I’m wasted tonight, I have a perfectly good excuse to skip classes tomorrow.”
“You may have matured, but your academic ethics haven’t evolved. That brunette girl, Keiko, will beat the crap out of every pore on your sorry body.”
“She’ll understand if you cooperate with me.”
Yusuke’s plan was clear. I play the sick sick sick fool, and Yusuke gets to be the model ‘pal who will help a person in need’. How lazy he is. Quite ironic that this is the very same man who saved the living world a little over a hundred times. Why not? If I don’t go along with his play- I’d be in debt to his ‘assistance’. Might as well pay back now, I may never find another chance to do so. “When you finally marry her, none of your deceptions will work.”
“ME? Marry HER?!” He yells incredulously. “No way, I’m the king of bachelorism.”
“You idiot.” He just doesn’t realize. Besides he’s still only… what? Twenty-one?
“What was that?”
“Nothing…” I avert my head from the ceiling to the wall. “…idiot…”
*****
The car went into a standstill, and to our approval- the raining subsided into sprinkles. The thick mist around us thinned in layer, and the sidewalk to Kurama’s dormitory could be seen plainly. Kurama un-buckles his belt, grabs his books, and prepares to depart. Just as he was about open the door, he turns to nod curtly and smile. “Thanks for everything Yusuke.”
I watch him exit the vehicle and make his way to the building leisurely. Yusuke, I notice, does the same and as soon as Kurama was out of sight- the engine starts and we are out of the academy.
“Yes, Yusuke. Thank-you for everything…”