“Let’s Fly as the Birds Do…” Touch
7/24/01
By: Hikari
E-mail to: [email protected]
Site: http://www.geocities.com/hikari_nanase/
Notes: ‘Touch’ replaces chapter 15
Music theme to chapter: “Touch My Hand” By: Dido.
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“…We make the memories…”
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She didn’t love me… Not in the way I loved her, at least… Arisu… For once there’s this ache from within me that I cannot comprehend… I had been infatuated with her for over a month… Infatuated by her beauty, her smile, her wit, kindness, and intelligence, but no- she liked my friend, Shidou, not me…
I wasn’t crying, but I was aware that I was truly hurting from the inside- out. Grabbing onto my pillow tightly as I lay on my side in bed, my eyes gaze blankly through the window. How dark it was outside… I could barely see the silhouette of my giant tree…
Ridiculous. So she didn’t have the same affection for me, as I had her. It’s not horrible- I’ve had worse… If that’s the case, then… why did my head feel like bursting? Stupid! It’s just adolescent hormones! Nothing more than that! Yet… I still like her up to now… Why?
I tossed away from the windowpane, my vision then focusing on a blank wall. I didn’t expect to fall in ‘love’ with her- or to put it insensitively, take an interest in her personality… Though, the way she said she ‘couldn’t possibly love me’, among her friends was excruciating to my ears… What she said wasn’t harsh… But I didn’t like the sound of it… She thought of me to be like her ‘big brother’ and never anything more than that… It was also then, that she told her friends that Okono, Shidou was her crush…
In the end, I gave Arisu up. I had to. My friend loved her as much as I did- I couldn’t deprive him of his chance out of bitterness… That would have been deceitful…
Suddenly, I heard the window slide open. I didn’t bother greeting my visitor.
I had been half-expecting Hiei to remark my rudeness derisively, but he didn’t. Instead, I sensed his weight press on the mattress from behind me- directly behind my head, in fact… I also felt his eyes, roaming about the back of my form- stare indubitably intense.
He didn’t say anything… Nor did I…
Without warning, something very cold- very icy- touches my face… It felt good… like cool water against my hot cheek… skin…
It was his hand…
“You feel sorry for me…?” I asked quietly.
“…No…” My friend replies evenly.
“Then why are you touching me like this? It’s not like you to-”
“Kurama…”
Hiei spoke my name in a manner so compassionate, that I was taken far aback. He doesn’t do this often, but whenever he does, I realize it is only when I am in need of counseling… or maybe a willing ear. I close my eyelids and let his thumb stroke from under my eyes to the bottom of my chin. If this isn’t pity… how should I define his motives?
“…I know… what happened…” He said finally, in that deep tone that can only be his. “It’s not worth slaughtering yourself over…”
To say the least, what he told me caused astonishment to douse my very perceptions. Since when did he take the extra time he had to research my private relations? Let alone, be deeply a part of them…
“Yes… But… I wish she could have been mine- even for just a little while…”
Some subtle chuckling escapes Hiei’s lips, and a dire grimace was set upon my expression out of impulse.
“To think you are the charmer of charmers…” The little demon mused. “I presume it makes sense for you to desire the impossible…”
That was almost like a slap on the face.
“You’re right…” I muttered. “You have no sympathy.”
“Hn. That’s because you don’t need it- am I right?”
“Well…”
“Of course,” he proceeded. “That doesn’t mean you don’t WANT it- correct?”
Sighing, I adjust my head to see the almost infallible demon. What was I lying on…? It wasn’t a pillow… it was… his lap. How on earth did this happen?
Forgetting about that fortuitous subject, Hiei’s small face hangs over mine- a genuine smirk decorated on his fair complexion. His palm shifts to the side of my face, while his other hand moves to caress my opposite side. Come to think of it… I don’t think even his palms were stroking my skin… It was only his fingers. Curious… it almost tickles.
“…She’s lovely… and she can make equally delightful music…” I somehow decided to go on with my gushing- it never struck me then, that Hiei never complained about it; he merely allowed me to ramble on selfishly. “Arisu and her violin… I invited her over, one day, for a study session… I noticed she had her violin case with her, and, out of the blue, we began making music together. She played the strings with her slender bow, and I took advantage of my mom’s piano… I’m sure we made breathtaking music that day… of course, since we were the composers, neither of us were ever really able to appreciate it… Heh’… what’s a song without a listener…?”
“I take it you mean to say that there was no mutual complimenting…”
“I suppose.” I admit, perhaps everything I had for Arisu was nothing more than pubescent fixation. Looking it over, I realize that I hardly knew the girl at all. She had a foster family; a younger brother who passed away from cancer, and that was basically all I could gather. One month, and this was all I knew. I was about to laugh at myself for grieving over my ‘loss’- when Hiei cut in.
“It’s absurd for you to waste your time fraternizing…”
Now THAT was bitter.
“You think so?” I inquired him on a rising note- to some extent teasing Hiei’s philosophy.
“I know so.”
“Then what are you doing NOW?”
As swift as lighting, his fingers broke off from their fondling… I didn’t know why, but I was saddened when that had occurred. Nevertheless, I force a sly grin to my lips. Oh, how I enjoyed being right… Conversely, I would- without hesitation- trade in all my pride to feel him touch me like that for a second time…
“Hn.”
“No answer?”
“Not one I’d like to give… I must go now.”
I wondered what he meant by that… He then stands; the result of his action being the backside of my cranium hitting the mattress with a visible bounce. Clumsily, which is out of the ordinary for myself, I flip to lie on my stomach.
“ Matte… Where are you going?”
Did I sound desperate? Lonely? My friend actually turned around to see me when I asked…
“Not far. I might just be outside… walking on the rooftops.”
“May I come with you?”
“No. You will sleep.”
He reaches for beneath the lampshade and switches the light off. The glow of my bedroom soon fades- colors of midnight blue and black blanketing the walls and every furnishing from within. Hiei’s eyes shimmer as a cat’s would- only his eyes are stained with red rather than green or yellow. He’s responsive to the detail that my head was still sustained upwards. Therefore, he stretches one arm out, and forces my head down to make contact with my feathery pillows.
“You’re exceedingly stubborn…” He said. “I suppose this means you’ve been spending too much time around me…”
“Or vice versa.” I fought back in an amused whisper.
“Hn. I shall return shortly.”
I smiled.“…I know…”