“Let’s Fly as the Birds Do…” Kiss
7/24/01
By: Hikari
E-mail to: [email protected]
Notes: ‘Kiss’ replaces chapter 21
Music theme to chapter: “Kiss from Rose” By: Seal.
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…We live for the memories…
~*~*~*~
“What do you want to do tonight, Hiei?”
“The same thing we do every night, Kurama…” I replied. “Try to take over the world…”
He chuckles and smiles at my joke pleasantly. “Gee, Hiei, I didn’t know you were into cartoons…”
“Hn.”
I momentarily close my eyes, and take pleasure in a breeze that fly’s past my face. We were out here again- on the roof. Our conversations tend to be held in my friend’s bedroom, but tonight the skies were so clear that Kurama insisted on going out for the night. I, on the other hand, found it discontenting to be walking around in public. Therefore we struck one of our infamous compromises- which was only legendary to us because no one else knew about it. We settled for lying outside, on the rooftop of the Minnamino household. I do admit, it is a nice time to watch the stars. Everything was crystal.
“It’s not as though I wanted to…” I continued indifferently. “The idiot was watching T.V., and I happened to be there.”
“Sure. Then why, in particular, did you pay attention to Pinky and the Brain?”
“Well you can’t miss a mouse with a head THAT gargantuan!”
“Mmm-hmm.” My friend pulls his arms behind his head and his smile widens to a more smug degree. Damn him. He likes to obliterate my pride. “I noticed, that you watched for another hour- do you recall the next show?”
“No!” I press automatically. This man knows how to push all my buttons- it annoys me… and yet I find it quite endearing. I’ll never say anything about it though.
“Oh, but you know you DO. Can you bring to mind a certain group of adorable babies? I think you actually liked that one…”
“No! I do NOT like the Rugrats!”
Silence. Pure Silence. Kurama turns to me again, face more self-righteous than ever.
Shit. I’m so stupid, I can feel my eyes wondering around like crazy now. That always seems to happen whenever I make a fool of myself.
“See.” He went on with complete coolness in his voice. I suppose he was suppressing himself from crushing my image. How kind. “Now tell me the truth, who was your favorite character?”
I sigh. I can’t win. “If you tell ANYONE, Kurama…”
“Don’t get touchy now… You know I’ll keep it between us. Come on, tell me.”
“The twins- Phil and Lil.”
“I thought so- you’re so typical.”
“Then who’s YOUR favorite character?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know damn well what I mean, you like that show too.”
“Honto ni? Prove it.”
Time for me to think. Ah, yes… “If I remember correctly, you would walk in and out of the living room glancing at the screen…”
“So?” Funny. He yawns at my contention.
“So, it was only when that carrot haired kid, Chuckie, came into the screen that you would pay attention… I think you have a soft spot for that coward…”
“Hm… Noted. Ever wondered why?”
‘Not really,’ was my answer, a deep grunt leaving my mouth
Leisurely, his eyes leave me to refocus on the stars. The stars seemed to have been captured by the shine of his own irises- all of space ostensibly trapped in his personal world. Kurama, to me, is known to get this thoughtful look in his countenance from time to time. Not the kind of ‘thoughtful’ related to concern or compassion, but something else- something intangible to my understanding.
“What are you thinking about?”
“To be honest- absolutely nothing.”
“That’s a lie. Nothing is something, remember?”
Laughing quietly, my friend raises an arm to point at a group of stars. “That would be Draco…”
“Draco?”
“The constellation of the dragon- over there…” His finger moves in another direction. “Gemini- the twins, and there- Orion, the warrior.”
My eyes blink rapidly. “What are you talking about?”
“The stars, Hiei. Some are grouped together to form something like a picture- that is if you use your imagination a bit. Look harder- connect the dots…”
Squinting, I try. “I still don’t see anything…”
“Try harder.”
I do. “That one over there…” I spoke up, pointing to the right. “It looks like a fox.”
Kurama coughs, apparently censoring another laugh.
“What?”
“Um… that’s Leo, the lion…”
Glancing at the sky again, I shake my head. “It looks more like a fox to me…”
“I guess it’s all a matter of perspective then, ne?” The redhead then exhales deeply. “Or perhaps we simply see what we want to…”
When I rolled to my side, my eyes broadened in alarm- bearing in mind just how close Kurama truly was from me. For some reason, he blushes a tad- some faint pink powdering over the high of his cheeks. Supple lips press together gently, his mouth yielding to speak.
“You’re my friend, right Hiei?”
Whispering- why was he whispering? What’s more, why is he asking such a stupid question? I almost hate the answer… But in all honesty, I love the answer far more than I despise it… What’s wrong with me? I’m not used to this… this weird useless feeling…
“What are you saying by ‘friend’?” How cold- I couldn’t possibly have been more callous.
“Friend-” he elaborates. “Someone I can talk to…”
…He leans closer…
“…Someone I can confide in…”
…Closer…
“… to help me… as I would him…”
…I could feel his warm breath beating off of my face- the tip of his nose touching mine…
“Someone… Someone to…”
What’s happening? What the hell is happening? He’s touching my lips with his own! And his arm… was it going around my waist? What IS this?! It feels… so warm- hot… But it’s cool outside… Kurama… You’re still… touching my skin… so tenderly, gentle… Why? What for?
“Kisama!” That came out as a reasonably loud growl. “Get off of me! What are you doing?!”
Stopping, he sits up quickly. “I- I don’t know…”
Before I can say something utterly gratuitous to him- his speech abruptly trails off in tone. “… I was kissing you…”
“What?” My voice calms slightly, but there was still a pitch of hard question. What’s a kiss?
“No- nothing… Don’t worry about it, Hiei- it isn’t a bad thing. But if I do that again, and you don’t like it- just let me know… You don’t have to get angry.”
“I’ll do that.”
Propping up myself- we soon found it difficult to say anything relaxed… or anything at all for that matter.
“Um… Do you want to go inside now?”
“I’d appreciate it.”
As we stood simultaneously, we walked with ease down the slope of the rooftop and jumped onto the branch of a nearby tree. From there, we walked along the length of the branch until we landed on Kurama’s windowsill. Closing the glass pane behind us, I followed the redhead out of his room and downstairs to the kitchen. His mother had left us with the house to take care of until tomorrow morning. According to her, Shuiichi was to be my host, while I could make myself comfortable by eating whatever I dare pleased.
Kurama opened the tall white fridge, his head disappearing into it to search for food to suit our tastes. In the mean time, I stood from behind- watching him tinkle with Tupperware boxes, glass jars, foil, and plastic covered bowls.
“What do you feel like having? Spaghetti? Beef bowl…? We have meatloaf and sushi too…”
“What’s in the cupboard?”
“Uh…” At my words, he closes the fridge, and opens the various cabinets. “We have instant Ramen, Spanish rice… Oh gross…”
“What?”
The expression on Kurama’s face had turned into a humorous grimace as he peaked from behind the open wooden door. Raising his hand, he reveals a plastic bag filled with molding cookies.
“Tasty…” I snort with sarcasm.
“DISGUSTING…” Leaving the supposedly barren shelves, my friend- yes, I do regard him as such- heads for the trash bin to dispose of the gray and hairy ‘treats’.
“I know!” The redhead exclaimed, hitting his open left palm with his right fist. “We’ll order pizza. Mom left me with enough money, so why not?”
Another human ‘thing’ I know nothing about. I raise an eyebrow to him for an explanation.
“Pizza- it’s well… Basically bread with tomato sauce, cheese, and a lot of different toppings.”
A long crafty hand reaches for the receiver of the telephone, while the other punches the dials.
“Speaking of which, what do you want on it? Mushrooms, tomato, onions, pepperoni, sausages, meatballs, ham, green pepper, pineapple, olives?”
“OLIVES?”
“Alright… NO olives. Tell you what, I’ll order the Supreme, and you can pick off whatever you don’t like.”
Crossing my arms, I find that I don’t actually care what I eat as long as it reaches my stomach. “Hn, works for me.”
After he placed the order, we simply lounged in the living room with the T.V. By chance of fate, the moment Kurama flicked on the screen with the remote, our ‘children’s show came on. My friend peeks at me teasingly, and I grab the remote to switch to another channel. Again, by luck, ours eyes met an all too familiar mouse duo.
“If you had to pick, who would you be? Pinky or the Brain?”
“That’s such a dense question, it’s not worth answering…”
He lazes back on the couch. “You really know how to loosen up, don’t you Hiei?”
“You can stop mocking me.” I say, sensing my crimson eyes flare.
“I’m not mocking you- I’m saying it as it is. Believe it or not, Hiei, I think you’re just scared. You don’t like getting hurt do you?”
“That’s shit. I’m not afraid of anything.”
“That’s what YOU think, but truth be told, you’re scared like anyone else...”
“Stop it.” Damn. I hate it when he talks like this. I would almost confess that it’s moderately depressing.
“You don’t want to laugh, you don’t want to smile-to put in sum, you just don’t want to show what you’re feeling inside because you’re afraid of looking weak…”
“Stop IT.”
“Actually, that’s not all… You can’t seem to stand it whenever someone tries to get close to you- not even me. I try to be your friend, but you keep on blocking me off- me and everyone else…”
“STOP IT KURAMA!”
The doorbell rang.
“I’ll get that.”
Watching from the living room, I saw Kurama pay for the delivery, and slam the door as he turned on his foot. Coming back to the room, he settled the food on the table before me and sat cross-legged by the box. Opening it carefully, steam rose from the pizza- a circular shaped fare with toppings- and along with it an intense aroma that I failed to notice given the current mood of everything.
The redhead took a slice, some cheese stretching to great lengths, and began eating. I just stared on.
“Aren’t you going to try it?”
Presenting to him an ugly scowl was all I could really do, that and refuse. “I’m not hungry- not anymore.”
“If you’re angry, you shouldn’t be. I’ve been trying to figure you out for a long time, and I DO have a limit on patience…”
“But you had NO right to talk as though you know me like one of your textbooks, Kurama!”
At my testimony, he took his slice from his mouth and ceased chewing. I continued without heed to the appearance in his eyes because I knew that I was just as right as he was… and that I was ready to scream every last twine of my being out…
“You don’t know anything about me… nothing worth being aware of. Yes, you know about my sister, about my jagan, but I’m sure you didn’t know that everyone I had come close to abandoned me, that everyone I trusted was using me… You didn’t know about my mother- how she killed herself because of me. You didn’t know that I had to live on dead rats and birds when I was growing up, you didn’t know I stole because it was the only thing I could do besides killing everyone who tried to kill ME! Do you know what it’s like? Not being able to say what you really want to for the fear of being rejected all over again? No! You know nothing! You didn’t even know that I felt like killing myself when you betrayed me for Yusuke! I’ve known you one year prior to him, and in a flash you changed sides… I was evil then, but you still left me like everyone else! Even so, I still forgave you, didn’t I?! Don’t you think I deserve to be as selfish as I am?!”
Kurama can’t answer me.
“That’s what I thought…” Heatedly, I took a slice of pizza. However, before I could even taste it, my friend grabs my wrist.
“Well… That wasn’t so bad, was it? Do you feel better now, Hiei?”
My mouth gapes as he smiles at me a little sadly.
“No, Hiei, you’re not that selfish… If you were, you wouldn’t have protected the people you care about… As another plus, those people don’t know you’re protecting them- you’re doing it all out of the love you have, but fail to recognize. If you were really selfish, you would hunt for glory for keeping these people safe, and as it is, you don’t. You simply want them alive and happy, and you expect nothing in return. That, Hiei, is the greatest of generosities…”
“You- you tricked me…”
Letting go of my wrist, he bites into his pizza, chews, and swallows.
“Naturally… I still don’t know as much as I’d like, but…”
He sets his half-eaten slice on the cardboard box.
“… It’s a start… You always listen to me, so… I’d like to get a little of you too…”
It was then my appetite disintegrated all together. I had to put my food back into the box… So strange… I felt tired… Extremely tired… Once more, I was blinking rapidly, but not in the same way as I had outside… There was this stinging sensation, which surrounded my eyes and engrossed my throat…
“…Hiei… Do you want to cry…?”
A tear spurted out as I shook my head. When it rolled down my cheek and dropped from my chin, it solidified in midair into a sparkling diamond.
Kurama moves closer to me, until he sat shoulder to shoulder at my side. “It’s alright to do so… I’ve done it before… It’s good for you…”
I feel his lips touch me on the forehead- I don’t stop him.
“I- I don’t want to… It’s pointless…”
…Then on the cheek…
“…Pointless…”
…On the lips…
“…Point- ”