“Let’s Fly as the Birds Do…” Chapter Twenty-Eight

11/17/01 re-picked up on 8/1/02 (you will notice the horrible change in quality- I’m SO SORRY!! ; _ ;)

By: Hikari

Site: http://www.geocities.com/hikari_nanase

Notes: All the pictures described are actual shots of Hiei and Kurama; you can find them in most net galleries. This chapter has been tightly condensed, by the way, as some occurrences here were intended to be in another chapter, while others were entirely omitted. Oh, and the poem is mine, please don’t steal it; it took a lot of thought ^_^()

Music theme to chapter: ‘In the End’ by Linkin Park and “Wish You Were Here” by Incubus.

~*~*~*~

Never before had I dreamt of being pinned and ravaged by your supple lips

Over and over again…

Such dark thoughts of you and I

Have wracked me day after pitiless day-

Thoughts of loving lust that were suppressed until that fateful night

Only then did I comprehend,

The deeper agony possessed for your open heart.

Lust for your body, was not born alone

For what had given rise to this Immaculate Sin,

Was none other than that mounting passion…

This being my love for you…

Frighten me did the thought,

And the fear realized was masked by my ever-faceless countenance,

My ill-driven grin.

Yet that grin was never truly so ill,

Since it was only in your name did I smile.

For you, only, will destruction be self-inflicted.

Care do I not for my mad sacrifices.

So must it be needed,

I shall rob myself of my own vision,

Accept the cruelest subordinance-

Submission.

And, above all else,

Sever my manhood by the blade of my own sword.

This is the form of my love.

Yet my forfeits would be in vain,

For our amorously mingled tears,

Shall be evaporated by your searing pain.

… So is the bargain of adoring one of taboo…

Forbidden, I am,

As the last Blue Rose of the Turtledove’s garden.

Never to be touched.

Never to be cherished.

Never to be had.

But always forsaken.

Eternal suffering follows my soul’s path,

Like the fleeting light of the lonely shooting star,

Or the empty shadow from nothing remembered.

This is who I am.

All in spite, still you came.

Welcoming my chaste, but hardened frame

Outer shell turned to shards, pieces of me forever gone

Hot tears did spill forth, showering upon your naked chest

A waterfall of diamonds, from my eyes did run.

God’s caress upon my face-

For what use is there in saving fallen grace?

Not knowing the feel of touch did sting,

Having already lost everything…

Time did pass, and we grew an opulent flower-

Ready to be sexed and give birth to something new…

Obliterated was to be our seed,

By the foot of man,

Spat upon,

Desecrated.

Tired were we of such a loss,

Our bounded vines had endured much.

Yet, alas, we came undone,

Withered and raped before deceitful lots-

By the shivering wind and moving brush…

My bud, ceased you had of growing,

And as the sepal to the rose,

What more could I do, but let you burst from my arms…

And grow?

If I should become hideous without you,

Let it be-

I would much rather see you blossoming and free.

Now I understand the one thing I may give,

Because there is no other.

What will be done, I will do quietly-

Without your cries of tender protest.

So that loved you will be by those who see you,

Rather than be scorned as the weed with me.

Quietly, then, I shall let you go.

And in this fashion lies my affection-

The manner that is my love,

No more do I seek in being ensnared by you,

Nor contrary otherwise…

All that contents me now is being lost and forgotten,

Just to see your smile instead of mine.

*****

It was almost inconceivable that he would at last see the day when he’d lock himself within the tight boundaries of his own bedroom. That is to say, for a three weeks’ period and no less. How could he return to school? Surely, the photographs that were taken in the locker room had already found their way to every bulletin board, post, and bathroom mirror inside the school’s vicinities. What’s more, how could Kurama attend school like THIS? Blemishes and scars were left upon almost every part of his body. His right eye was still black, and he had to sleep on his side because of the fairly fresh stitches done behind his skull. Even now his body still ached from the beating. His mother often had to help him dress into his clothing, and even wash-up in the shower. It was humiliating.

After the first four days of his absence from school, Arisu gave him a call to ask if he’d ever return. Naturally, Kurama assured that he would, but his friend’s intuition told her it wouldn’t be too soon. Arisu could not blame him on this; if anything she somewhat wanted Shuiichi to lay low for a while, especially since Kao and Tetsuji had recently been arrested for assault. Unbelievable- almost like a wild dream. One minute the two brothers were asked to leave their classrooms, the next they were escorted into a police car with rigid handcuffs on their wrists. Nearly everyone at school was shocked to learn of their crime, and the windows by the parking lot were literally filled with curious faces as the two were taken away. Kurama inquired how on earth the authorities found out about the incident, and this question was then to be answered by none other than Shidou. ‘Lots of evidence.’ He replied over the receiver. ‘The blood on the wall, the floors, and the bat… Fingerprints too. Also the pictures; when those idiots found the nerve to hang-up copies everywhere, that was the end of it- they screwed themselves over…’

On and off friends, even acquaintances, would call in on his household to see if he was okay. Physically speaking, he had been worse off. However-

The redhead flipped through his stack of photos. He hated pictures now; they were evil. They were misleading, embarrassing, but most of all they told implausible volumes of truth. Then again, they also froze time when needed or desired. Kurama smiled a bit at that realization, having flipped to a picture of him and Hiei in the park. What a tranquil day it was. The skies were cloudless, and the grass couldn’t have been greener. What’s amazing was this was the first time Kurama had managed to get Hiei to wear a blue shirt, white pants, and- most impressively- sunglasses.

Kurama had been shy of asking strangers to take some pictures of them together- ALONE- yet his lover was completely blasé when making this small request. ‘Listen,’ the youkai hissed. ‘You’re going to regret not asking; and I honestly have no intentions looking at your disappointed face all day. Give me the damn camera! I’ll ask- YOU stay on the bench.’

The picture found its way to Kurama’s chest as he subconsciously brought it closer to him, as if to embrace his old friend. Sighing, he pulled it away shortly and flipped to the next snapshot. Oh… the port city. For some reason, Hiei was compelled to sit on the breakwater, while he stood from behind the wall. One way or another Kurama managed to cajole Yusuke into climbing just below the fire demon’s position to take another shot before the waves came crashing in. Yusuke’s timing couldn’t have been poorer. Right after the flash, the tide came and swooped him off the breakwater he was standing on. Luckily, the camera was still in tact. As for Urameshi, Hiei was kind enough to lend him a loose hand. ‘Happy?!’ Yusuke cried, peeling seaweed off his head. ‘What do you want the picture for anyway?’ ‘Oh… some assignment from class.’ Kurama answered, and that was that.

“I miss you…” He whispered, eying the next photo taken from during the Black Martial Arts tournament. Then a chuckle escaped. “I still can’t believe you let me do that in front of everyone. I took you by the ear like a child, but you never complained about it. Although… you DO look quite indignant here.”

His eyes saddened going through the collection. Old memories, covered with dust, were recovered though this. A photo from Hiei’s first New Year’s celebration- him being front, center, and next to Yusuke, somewhat pushing the other away while reaching for the sparkler. Another was from the mountains. It was on that day that Kurama gave Hiei the golden bracelet he was wearing. It was made in the Makai, of course, and by the finest artisan. Essentially, it was three small bracelets connected to make one. ‘There’s meaning to this gift…’ The redhead explained. ‘A bracelet is a ring- an endless circle... eternity. On this one there are three. One for fidelity. One for revere. And one for love…’

Ever since then, virtually half of all the mementos Kurama had had Hiei with that bracelet. If it wasn’t seen, then most likely it was hidden by the youkai’s coat sleeve. Out of all the group shots- his lover was either beside him or punching his way out of Yusuke’s teasing.

On the bed, Kurama shuffled his feet and leaned his head against the backboard. ‘I wonder if he always knew…’ he mused. ‘But then, Yusuke is also the type to act and think without a head…’

Suddenly there was light tapping on the door, causing Kurama to hastily put the pictures into a messy pile and stuff it beneath his pillow. Soundlessly, his mother pushed the door open by only a single inch- one of her eyes appearing through the small crack and probing the room. To her gentle eye, the redhead feigned a smile- bits of pain cracking through his efforts. The woman blinked, and then pushed the door open entirely. For a while she was frozen in place- quite unsure whether or not she should proceed or stay under the entryway. Perceptive of her faltering, Kurama gestured her to come in by nodding and whispering:

“It’s alright; I don’t want to be by myself anymore.” He stooped his head while his hand fastened and unfastened on the blankets he sat on. Frowning, it dawned on him that he hadn’t done anything productive. All he did do was sulk about the household in pajamas or easy clothing. “I’m sorry…” he spoke. “I’ve been making things harder for you; haven’t I?”

Shiori sighed and leaned against Kurama’s study desk. The desk had collected some dust, as it hadn’t been used; additionally the cherished books on top of it or inside the shelves were left unopened. There were neither dog-ears nor book markings either. Having noted this, Shiori’s concern furthered. “I can’t say otherwise, but I don’t blame you. Just take it easy for a while. I know it won’t be difficult for you to catch up on your studies you’re- you’re a very good student.”

Her delicate fingernails began to tap on the polished wood. Immediately her son recognized this as her nervous habit.

“In fact, Shuiichi, I’m considering home schooling.”

He blinked. “What? Why?”

The woman’s back abruptly limped from its perfect posture. She shrugged plainly, and looked to him. “Well isn’t it obvious? I can’t have your life put in danger again! Oh, Shuiichi-kun, why couldn’t you be normal?”

That last word hit him where it hurt most. Upset, Kurama bit his lip and responded through his clenched teeth. “What do you mean by that? Are you saying I’m AB-normal?”

“No; it’s just, I don’t know HOW or-or WHY you would ever ‘love’ another…” She stopped herself from continuing- apprehending that her speech was driving down the same direction it did when she first confronted her son. Simmering her mixed emotions down, she chose her words as carefully as she could. “If you hadn’t slept with him,” Shiori began evenly. “None of this-this NONESENSE would have taken place.” The woman paused. “Shuiichi-kun… for my own peace of mind, all I want to know is how…”

“Oh…” The redhead gazed into his knees, unable to look at anything else especially his mother’s stare. His mind ruminated for a moment- recalling how happy he was. He remembered real happiness... or perhaps it wasn’t. Maybe it was all a vain illusion. The clock on his night table ticked away- sending grains of sand down the mortal hourglass. How DID he come to feel this way? No answer. His ever-faithful mentality drew a horrid blank. There simply was no explanation. When he came to- what could be- a discouraging conclusion, Kurama grinned at the idiosyncrasy of fate. “I forgot…”

His mother raised an eyebrow. “Forgot?”

He snorted. “His gender. I forgot Hiei was a man…”

Her hand smacked the surface of the counter. “HOW? That’s impossible!”

Taking Shiori’s response coolly, he closed his eyes. “Apparently not, because I HAD… I don’t know what to tell you to make you happy, mom. Actually, I’m fed up with trying to find the right words to say… I guess this means I’m going to Hell, ne?”

Arm shaking, the hand connected to it balled into a tight fist. Even so, Shiori did not budge from her place as Kurama ensued.

“I know. I’m damned, aren’t I? Oh well… I won’t deny my emotions, so whatever will happen- will happen.”

“Is that… all you have to say to me?”

From outside, the sun began to set. Another twilight. A day has past, another waking out of paradise. It’s amusing, actually. You care about the sun, but the sun doesn’t care about you. In any case, you can still depend on it to be there. At least the sun doesn’t change.

The redhead then smiled in spite of himself- suddenly having found quaint contentment. Yes, the sweet spring sun… silent and warm- always at your side whether it cared or not. “I can’t say that I don’t feel a LITTLE apologetic about this.” Kurama divulged. “However, I’m drained of feeling at fault for something that means a lot to me. I just want things to be the way used to. ” His eyelids lowered. “…But if things stayed the same… then not even my love for Hiei would grow…”

“You’re speaking just as idealistically as you are pessimistically. Shuiichi, nothing lasts forever. Maybe God and time are telling you it’s over- it’s finished. Hiei’s been missing for days now. I don’t think he’s ever coming back.” She crossed her arms. “And that proves to me that you can’t depend on him. Have you ever considered that you’re wasting your emotions?”

Exhaling deeply, Kurama reached beneath his pillow. A small gesture signaled to Shiori that he wanted her to draw closer. His mother complied silently as he gently set the photos in her hands. “There is a saying: a picture is worth a thousand words… For me they’re worth more than the countable…”

*****

It is believed as common sense that nothing could defeat the majesty and magnitude of the Great Wall of China. Of course, this is human common sense, and had humans been able to see the current state of Reikai, they would- without hesitation- revise their beliefs. Papers towered like leaning towers of Pisas, and filed their way around Koenma’s office like a hedge maze. Be that as it may, the Prince of the Underworld didn’t seem to notice. It was, however, getting rather claustrophobic within his already tight vicinities. He knew, and quite angrily, that he had Hiei to thank for that.

He had summoned the fire youkai several times, and every time his spirit messengers would shake their heads and give him the same thing: ‘I can’t seem to find him anywhere.’ To this, he would scoff and send them out again, only to receive the same outcomes an hour or two later. At first the prince thought that this minor vanishing would pose of no immediate dilemma to the daily runs of Reikai. Nearly a month had passed, and the child soon found himself to have mistaken terribly. Without Hiei, side crime rates that didn’t require the Reikai Tantei had risen considerably, papers and documents were either lost or on lag transfer, and things were even more disorganized than before. He even forgot how to find his way to the bathroom, which proved to be quite a problem.

“Koenma-sama!” Glancing up, he sighed as the only thing he could see was a substantial wall of papers.

Standing up from his chair for a moment, he squinted and strained his ears to detect his assistant’s voice. “Botan?”

“Ugh…” The blue haired fairy squinted with one eye as she sidled around another tower- very careful with handling her oar for fear of causing a domino effect. “Koenma-sama,” she huffed, finally finding his desk and nearly collapsing over it. “I couldn’t find him anywhere! It’s like he disappeared!” Botan’s eyes became watery with tears, giving her irises such a glow that even the recalcitrant Prince was moved.

Grumbling to himself, he shoved his sentiments aside as he would his papers. Koenma chewed on his pacifier briskly, and folded his hands over his desk. “That’s absurd!” The baby growled. “Even if he tried to return to Makai, he won’t be able to without my consent and key pass. You have to find him. I have another errand, and- ”

“Is that ALL you think about?!” The fairy cried, gripping the handle of her oar zealously. “Hiei is MISSING. Gone! Don’t you care about him?! He’s not your servant, Koenma-sama!”

“Now you’re being melodramatic.” He retorted, leaning back on his chair- head leaning against one chubby fist.

“Koenma-sama…” She began again, trying her best to be gentler. This effort demonstrated to be most difficult as her first instincts told her to clobber her employer with the flat of her oar. True, Botan compromised, Hiei was too complicated to get along with, and half the time his stare made her feel dreadfully insignificant. Nonetheless, her witness of Hiei’s loyalty to kinship- particularly in Yukina- gave her a kind of view that was so hard to see if you weren’t looking from the right angle. And, being one for peace and compassion, something akin to sympathy permeated her defenses against the fire demon. “Koenma-sama…” Botan repeated earnestly. “Even though the last mission failed, the destruction of the elixir would at least prevent the wrong hands from obtaining it, right?”

Her comment gained his interest. In acknowledgement of her logic, Koenma sat up and raised an interested eyebrow.

“And,” The fairy went on. “If it wasn’t destroyed, what do you think would happen? Everyone who’s greedy enough would find out about it and invade Reikai. It’s a very powerful element, Koenma-sama, powerful enough to grant longevity if needed. Do you really think it’s practical to keep that thing around? More importantly, do you really think losing that mission is worse than losing a very vital ally, not to mention, friend?”

He thought for a moment. Hiei? A friend? Most definitely not. If anything, Hiei would plot to assassinate him as soon as he got off probation. It struck him as a shock, however, that Hiei nearly died for Kurama at the cost of the elixir. Hiei knew very well that the bottle was inside one of Kurama’s pockets, and he also knew very well that pushing his lover away from the horse like that would inevitably shatter the bottle. The action in itself was a surprise, but what was more startling was the detail that Hiei was entirely aware of the sentence he would face for ruining the mission. Koenma hadn’t told the others, but he remembered telling the fire demon specifically the consequences if he decided to change his priorities.

‘If you choose to abandon an assignment, or twist it to serve your own desires, then I guarantee that you will face so many complications in your judgment before death, that you may very well lose your soul.’

But he did it in spite of that warning. There couldn’t possibly be a more stupid move.

At long last, he removed his blue pacifier from his mouth and stood. Turning his back on Botan, he folded his arms. Suddenly, his body began to glow softly as his height and proportions elongated into a more respectable appearance. In his teen form, he revolved on his heels, and gave a downy smile. Botan’s lashes fluttered in confusion.

“Come. We’ll go to Ningenkai together.” The prince proceeded out the door of his office, and added. “And gather Yusuke, Kuwabara, Genkai, Keiko, and Yukina. We need all the help we can get, but let Kurama rest.”

His assistant’s face lit up instantly- her light rosy lips nearly extending from ear to ear, accompanied with a whirl and bounce of her sky blue hair. “Oh, Koenma!”

A sort of reluctant shrug escaped him as Botan scampered to his side. She giggled wildly, and all the Prince could do was roll his eyes. ‘Women…’ He mused. ‘They’re so mushy…’

*****

He slipped his arms through either sleeve, and zipped the front. Later, he dusted his shoulders, and brushed his hair. A look into the mirror. A slight frown. A meditative inhale, followed by a meditative exhale. Three weeks. Now he had to go back.

Go back… Shiori had made him sit through a three-hour lecture on home schooling, but truth be told, Kurama didn’t listen to a word of it. Instead, his mind drifted to more important things, such as his recovery, Arisu and Shidou, future gossip, and of course, Hiei. He had left the window to his room consistently unlatched- hoping that perhaps Hiei would eventually return. No such luck. One time, he got his hopes up when he heard a faint tapping at the pane in the middle of the night. Without the delay, he bolted from his bed- notwithstanding his sores- and opened the window. His face then fell, as he found a crow perching there instead. Disappointed, he slammed the glass pane shut- scaring the creature away.

A majorities of his afternoons were spent sitting at his desk, watching the sun and rolling clouds as he tried to read or study to keep from falling too far behind. Yet every time he looked out his window, he would see him- sitting on the wooden pane, one leg drawn up, the other dangling. He’d see his sarcastic smile, and then he’d see it melt away into a warm one. Kurama would shake his head, and the image would depart as slowly as a ghost. The redhead would then try to continue where he left off, but then he swore he could feel someone peeling away the chopped strands of hair from the nape of his neck. After that, he felt something pleasantly warm and moist beat against his skin… almost like a kiss, but more along the lines of gentle breathing. Kurama would swing around, and discover nothing.

The night before this morning, he contemplated the condition of his body. Due to the help of Makai herbs and a touch of visitations by Yukina, most bruises and scars had entirely disappeared- including the black eye.

Kurama ran his hand through the back of his head. Unfortunately, the surgery and stitches required the shaving of his hair. Weeks ago, his strands stuck up from little stubs. Now his hair was growing at an astonishing rate again, making him look the way he did in middle school. The doctors actually commented on ‘Shuiichi’s’ phenomenonal survival. Anyone else would have died from such bleeding. Recognizing the incident with Shuiichi’s mother, in addition, granted for a slightly affectionate nick name in the hospital: the Miracle Minnaminos.

He rubbed his cranium again. It felt awfully drafty back there, but he admitted it felt somewhat nice to have less weight on his scalp. It would make hiding seeds more tricky, but…

For some reason, he found no need to tuck away such weapons- at least not for now.

The sound of delicate footfalls invaded his bedroom, and he knew at once it was Shiori. From behind him, she admired her son’s striking features. Wonderfully lovely, and yet handsome, just as his personality. And now he would dare to go into that world that mercilessly through him out- no hands to hold, no words of support, no one, but himself. Shiori smiled.

She was… proud.

“Are you sure about this, Shuiichi-kun?”

“Mm…” He grabbed his book bag and headed for the stairs. For a moment he stopped midway with Shiori a few steps behind him. The redhead turned, walked up to meet her, and embraced. “Stop worrying.” He assured in a brave whisper. “I’m a Miracle Minnamino, remember?”

The woman chewed on her lip visibly, as her arms rubbed against his back with fervency- causing Kurama’s once perfectly ironed down uniform to fold and scrunch together in innumerable wrinkles. “That may be, but miracles are hard to come by… We can’t count on them every time.”

“I know.” He replied. Drawing away at arms length, he put on a playful grin and winked. “If you hear an ambulance, that’s probably me.” He mockingly glanced at an imaginary watch. “What time is good for you in the emergency room?”

At his dry joke, Shiori didn’t know whether to laugh or to scold. Deciding that anger and speeches wouldn’t make it through Kurama’s resolve, she let herself giggle.

“You have to have faith and not give up.” Her son explained. “You didn’t with me, and I know you didn’t with Hiei.”

She blinked. ‘Didn’t give up with Hiei…?’

Having been lost in her own thinking as to what her son meant, Shiori didn’t notice that her son wordlessly slipped away from her grasp and sneaked out the door. By the time it dawned on her that a certain presence was missing from her chest, it was too late and she didn’t even have time to say farewell. Flustered, she put her fists on her hips and shook her head.

“You sneaky little fox, what ever am I going to do with you?”

*****

It was almost déjà vu. Weeks ago, on a very hot day such as this one, his hand came to rest on this very same door handle. One step in, and the world flipped over like a nightmare. He put his hand on the handle. It scalded him, just like before. However, he gripped it harder in defiance, and slowly pulled.

The chattering halls, the babbling, the slamming of lockers all ceased at once, and all eyes were on him. Almost poetically, a paper plane landed smoothly at his feet. Kurama shrugged his shoulders, and proceeded to his cabinet. Doing the combinations on the lock, he kept half of his awareness about him- his guard as high as he was willing to use over humans. The lock clicked, and he pulled it. The redhead stepped to the side, waiting for something to fall out. Something did, but it wasn’t sand, underwear, or even grotesque notes. It was his textbook, and it landed face down on the tiled floor with a loud, echoing plop. Kneeling down to reach for it, he stopped in his process when someone stepped up to him.

He glanced at the stranger, not knowing his name at all, but clearly recognized his face from past hallway ‘episodes’. Kurama awaited the inevitable kick of the book routine, when the student looked at him straight in the eye.

“Here.” He handed Kurama the book.

This had never occurred before, which made the redhead exceptionally perplexed. Deep viridian eyes settled on the book, then at the one person holding it, then at the book. The other moved his arm slightly, almost like a tacit indication to go ahead and accept it with no strings attached. He did, and together they stood. After that, the hallway returned to its regular hustle and bustle. There wasn’t much laughter or whispering going on, merely the casual schedule of running to class on time and exchanging remarks of the last volley ball game. Peering around, Kurama noticed a few girls smile at him and wave flirtatiously. He grinned awkwardly in response, while the girls’ beams settled down into something apologetic.

“By the way…”

The redhead turned back to the student.

“… My name is Ido…” He lent out his hand for a shake.

Kurama eyed the hand warily, but accepted it as he did the book.

“And…” Ido said on a rising note. “Welcome back…”