My husband and I waited 10 years before bringing Morgan into this world.� With the confidence that only inexperience can bring, I thought that having a baby would come as easily and naturally as everything else I had ever done.� After a remarkably easy pregnancy and uncomplicated delivery, I finally had my "planned out" child....only she didn't fit any plan I could have contrived!
For the first six months of Morgan's life I lived in a fog of exhaustion....and confusion.� Instead of the cooing, smiling, happy baby that gerber promised, I had a serious, screaming, wailing, unhappy infant.� I worked for hours on end to "discover" what I was doing wrong or what was wrong with her.� One by one, my ideals of parenthood slipped down the drain.� Sure, babies sleep through the night at age 3 months, or more like 3 years for us.� They take three hour naps during the day, or more like 25 minutes and those went away at 16 months.� Right, they can play for an hour under the ceiling fan, or they can insist on being held endlessly.� Where was the baby I had planned????
Morgan dragged me into a modified attachment parenting style of parenting.� I found myself hauling her about for the first 18 months in a sling, feeding on demand, and responding to her every whim.� I began to accept that she was different than all of my friends kids.� I heard that I was spoiling her and endless useless advice.� However, I tried alot of the advice, it just didn't work!
Perhaps the hardest stage that we survived, though, was toddlerhood.� My unhappy infant grew into a very unhappy, frustrated toddler.� From 16-28 months, our house was anything but a bucket of parenting joy.� Morgan screamed/cried endlessly.� Unless she had my constant attention, the world was wrong.� Even with my attention, I couldn't stave off the tantrums that her frustration would drive her to.� She would scream to the point of vomiting (45 minutes or so) about 5-6x/day.
My daughter has proven to be the most rewarding challenge of my life.� Around her first birthday I was in a bad state.� I hadn't slept more than 5 hours on any night for a year, my marriage was falling apart, and I *knew* I was the world's worst parent.� On the marriage front, my now ex-husband and I had some issues that were present prior to Morgan's birth, but after her birth my tolerance for his behaviour evaporated.� I needed every ounce of patience I owned just to make it through each day with Morgan!
But on the parenting front, my nearly complete inability to calm my daughter wrecked havoc with my self-esteem and parenting confidence.� However, I finally realized that I *was* doing all of the right things and that Morgan was just wired differently than all of the other children I've meet.
However, around 2.5 years old, I started to notice that we were have more good days than bad ones and by 3 years old, we were having mostly good days!� Now, at 3.5 years old, we still have High-Needs moments, but they are only moments.� We have learned over the years how to work together.� I've learned what motivates her, what will immediately upset her, and what will make her smile!� I am very in-tune to her needs, wants, and fears.
Looking back to the day she was born, I would never have guessed that we'd have such a challenging first few years, that my marriage would end, or that I would grow so much as a person.� Morgan's HN character has made me a much stronger person, a more patient and persistant person, and, in the long run, a happier, more self-confident parent.
Morgan and I are about to enter into the next phase in our lives as I take marriage vows for the second time next saturday.� Her new step-daddy, step-sister, and I will continue to grow from her strong personality as the years go by!
As has been said before, it is easy to love a happy child, but it is a true parent who unconditionally loves the unhappy, demanding, stressful child.
Teresa & Morgan 5/3/97
Visit us online:
Teresa and Morgan
