Acrimonious Rhapsody
by Hikari
Notes: What do you get when you mix controversy with poetic justice? I said I
would make one of these so here it is.
*****
When I can�t think� I make
music� There�s no better way to release what I am feeling, than like this�
It�s been a while since I�ve found myself here- at the piano. Such
realization makes me wonder if life is flying right beneath my nose. I don�t
know� maybe it is� But one night� I remembered who I was, and who I am.
One night ruined my apathy. To the cause, I�m not sure whether to be grateful
or perplexed. That night was calm- like every other, yet the happenings of that
night paradoxes the moment. I had never felt confusion, anger, and trepidation
all at once, but I acquired that feeling when it happened. What happened� I
scorn him for it. I weep for him for it. I fear it�
~*~*~*~
�You should be more careful��
He �hn�s�, but later winces as I apply more iodine upon the scars on his
back. I frown. �You definitely took a stroll down the wrong side of Makai�
It looks as though you experienced a shredder first hand��
�Would you mind telling me
then�� My friend spoke sarcastically. �Which side of Makai IS the right
side?�
Sighing, I see his point. �All
right, I will not question it anymore�� Picking up the bottle of medicine, I
set it on a metal tray and carried it off to the bathroom. I come back later
with a roll of gauze and bandages. I was running low on both�
As I kneel behind him again, I begin
to wrap-up his wounds around his torso- giving pressure to stop the bleeding,
but leaving slack for him to breathe. I wasn�t thinking of anything much at
the time, I was simply- and mindlessly- helping a friend. It had never occurred
to me that he kept his eyes focused on my work by looking over his shoulder. By
the time I reached the top, my eyes meet his and I am given a deep, tired stare.
At first I said nothing, however,
after securing the bandages, I opened my lips. �Yes?�
There is another pause, quite ill at
ease, and then he looked away. I shook my head. I was neither surprised nor
upset. It was just� normal. Cutting the excess straps with a pair of good pair
of silver scissors, I sigh again. His blood was already seeping through the
white cloths� Apparently, Hiei doesn�t notice this- he remains sitting
cross-legged- on the carpet, back exposed and hunched over. Head down and his
hair flowing in suit, I see drips of perspiration gliding down the clumps of
strands- some of his sweat sliding behind the nape of his neck and settling on
his smooth skin. I blink� Was he� shivering?
His pale complexion averting to his
side, I take note of his trembling lips, low eyelids, and subjugated demeanor.
Is he sick?
��You� worry about me� too
much�� Now I AM surprised. Hiei new this too, for I inadvertently slipped
from my haunches- hitting the floor.
Keeping myself upright, by supporting
myself with my arms- Hiei had turned to face me in that instant, kneeling this
time. Then, came the question: ��Why�?�
The way he said it, was just above a
whisper. His eyes became darker than usual- almost black. Hands quaking as they
gripped the carpet- he moves closer to me. Closer and closer� crawling towards
me until my back slams against the wall. Stopping, he presses his forehead to
mine. We are so close together now� my heart� it�s racing� What is he
doing? What has he become? I try for the doorknob by reaching up, but before I
could even turn it- Hiei snatches my hand and sets it at my side. Eye to eye, we
were� Eyelashes fluttering together and almost entangling�His cool breath
smoothes over my lips� I�m terrified�
�I don�t understand you Kurama��
He speaks in such a dead tone that I shiver in my place. �� You are not
afraid to come close to me to help me� However� when I come close to you�
you retreat to a corner as though frightened��
Again, I try for the knob, but I�m
pinned fast.
�You should know� Kurama� that
there are very few people for me to remember� and hold significant.�
Something cold touches the side of my face, and I am shocked to find that it is
his hand. ��Which is why I wish to tell you this now�: You are one of
them.�
Before I could even dream as to what
he would to next� He kisses me! I would not permit this to last long, and so I
throw my fist at him so hard that he is sent backwards. With the back of my
right had, I wipe my lips and watch Hiei pick himself up off the floor. He sits
weakly and swings his head to reveal a swollen lip- cut and bleeding. Breathing
fast, I ready myself with a rose�
�Are you so afraid of a kiss?� He
said faintly. �I did not go any deeper than you would have liked� I know it
how you hate having to touch anything soiled�Besides� I only touched the top
of your skin� I went no further than that��
As all this may be true, I grind on
my teeth at remembering what such actions can make me. �Don�t do that Hiei!�
I cry, so fiercely I myself don�t know who is speaking. �I am no longer the
Youko! I will have no more lovers- !�
�- What do you take me for? Some
bastard waiting to sleep with you? No, it was a only gesture��
�A kiss? A kiss from a man?! Hiei,
you have no idea what kind of things I have done in my past with that kind of
emotion! I forbid it to even happen again! Especially with this body! I must
keep it clean of myself!�
�You think I know nothing of you do
you? Kurama� I know how you had many lovers- how you enticed them to sleep
with you and then killed them in their wake! I know what you did to those
bodies! How you savored every moment! When you made the kill� you ate them!�
�SHUT UP!!!� Tears are burning
from my eyes- completely bathing my cheeks in hot water.
�I know who you were� The Youko�
But you are NOT the same person anymore! The Youko is a past soul that only
exists as a power keg to your being!
Moreover� I have come to know so much from you� What have I to give you, but
a kiss? I have none Kurama��
�You can always say that you are
thankful! You have no need in reminding me of my stains with such an act!�
�But that isn�t enough��
This time, I move toward him and meet
face to face squarely. �And why not?�
�Because I love you!�
I land on my knees. �What?�
He wraps his arms around me and falls
to my lap- his limbs sliding down to my waist. �� Forbidden� is it not?�
Hiei�s voice is straining and I can feel his nails gripping onto the back of
my shirt. I know he�s coming close to tears� �I�m sorry Kurama�
Whatever I try and do for you� it only makes everything worse��
Blinking, I look to his face. How so
small it is� like a child� �Whatever you try and do for me?�
�As simple as gratitude� That I
cannot give without hurting you somehow�� Hiei looks up and sets himself to
kneel� Taking my face into his hands by cupping chin at either side- he gazes
deeper into me. �� You don�t understand� Any emotion I feel for you is
for nothing� For nothing because you cannot return my emotions� But I
don�t care� I expect nothing since your presence is enough� Is it
surprising I feel this way? It shouldn�t be� because you�re very mindful
of my being� Think now, how many have ever given thought to a forbidden child?
Swallowing half out of fear and half
out of speechlessness, I try and steady myself. Of what is he thinking? What
does he want me to do? Become the Youko once more? No� He said himself he
didn�t love me in such a way� Not my body, not like all those other fools
and nameless lovers. Now, here on earth, he loves me. �What� Do you want to
hear from me then�?�
I must have spoken with such caution,
that my long-time friend smiles a little sadly. �I already said�I want
nothing from you.�
And with that, he slumped onto me and
fell asleep.
I dare not wake him.
~*~*~*~
What kind of love he speaks off is
still unknown. We never spoke once about that incident between each other and
most certainly not among the others. I cannot look at him the same way again,
and now I know what he meant� I can sense his emotion now when he sees me�
and the first thing I feel is fear. Fear of a sudden change in my soul. Fear of
the world�s eyes. Fear of what Hiei may try and do. Just fear�
Hiei never kissed me again, nor gushed forth with all these truths that had been
buried within him for so long. He still comes to the sill of my window- to watch
me do my homework. Not a word is ever exchanged in these kinds of meetings- we
just� enjoy each others company� I still wonder� What did he mean by
loving me?
So, with no other way to understand
anything or no other way to cope with humanity- I�m here, playing on the
piano. With each finger stroke, a rose petal falls from the flowers in my vase
and brushes the ebony on the piano�s back. I wonder if it�s a sign� If
something died� and now I must wait for something new�
I don�t know�
�Kurama��
I stop.
�Play that again��
I smile, it seems I�ve forgotten my
anger. �Of course��
We�re playing this poignant song
now, a piece I�ve replayed over and over for my audience- and Hiei is my
audience� It�s a song that has no beginning, but surely there is an end.
Confusing is it not? It�s as enigmatic as emotion- forbidden or free. However,
the way I see it, what is the point of having any friends if you cannot love
them? That kind of friendship lasts forever and since this is so� This song�
This rhapsody� has no beginning� and no end.
