Violation of the Sixth
Commandment
chapter 5
by Varon
Why did I come back?
I keep asking myself the same question. And I keep getting the same answer.
I’m sorry for showing up like some "jack-in-the-box", to quote you. I have no intention to ruin your present life, but if I did just that by simply reappearing.. pardon me.
But I just had to… had to talk to you. To make you understand.
Before I let the most important woman in my life slip through my fingers – once more.
Ben Howard left for Melbourne the following day.
He was glad his parents left ahead of him; a neighbor made a long-distance call, saying some sort of emergency came up. Keiko had been concerned, but the elder Howards assured her that it was nothing serious. One of their horses in the farm had broken its leg, and was trashing around for several hours now, causing some very unpleasant noise in the neighborhood. Well, whatever the reason was for his parents’ abrupt leave, Ben was thankful they were able to reschedule their flight for the previous afternoon.
He didn’t think he could endure the travel with his parents, because they would be yakking nonstop about his soon-to-be fatherhood. His father would make some wisecracks about being a dad, and his mother would give him the details on how to raise a child. While they’re at it he’s sure they would be reminiscing about his childhood, and then his mom would start to shed a few tears… Ben would just as soon take the next flight to Hell.
He and Keiko chose not to let his parents in on their little "secret". They thought it was best not to let them worry…and in truth, Ben didn’t want to make them feel disappointed. He didn’t want them feeling sorry for him. Not when he isn’t going to be a father. Yet.
Ben was settled in the plush seat of the Business Section of the plane, reclining on his back. He liked this area of the plane, where only VIPs and other rich people were allowed to ride. There was more space for him to stretch out his legs, the food tasted a lot better (though nothing could beat Keiko’s cooking), and n entire entertainment system was in front of him. So this is the executive life, Ben thought.
But it was too early to be consumed with thoughts about living in luxury. It was only 4:26 am, and Ben wanted more than anything to get a few more hours of decent sleep.
The engine whirred, the sound growing louder until it was almost deafening. He buckled his seatbelt, then grabbed the yellow-and-white pillow provided for him. Before burying his head in the soft cushion his last thought was, "I hope Keiko’s all right."
Keiko made her way back to her classroom five minutes before the bell rang, shaking her head – an action born out of mild exasperation, and mild amusement. She recounted the incident just fifteen minutes ago, outside in the school yard, where her pupils were enjoying the nine-o-clock sunshine playing "kickball", their version of the more brutal game of football. She sat on one of the benches, keeping an eye on her students, and watched as Tasuki placed his right foot behind him, preparing to kick the black-and-white rubber ball rolled at him. When he right time came, he swung his leg in an exaggeratedly wide arc…
…That he spun himself around in a circle about three times, then fell facefirst into the grass-covered ground. While his classmates flocked over to him, Keiko rushed to his side and made sure Tasuki was fine . When the child affirmed that he was OK, just a little dizzy, the other kids laughed. Keiko scolded them without raising her voice, and almost immediately they quieted. She confiscated the ball of course, to her class’ dismay… but as their teacher it was her job to see that minor accidents like this one were prevented from happening. "I’ll see you all in class," she then reminded the children.
Keiko pushed open the door, sauntering over the large wooden table at the front of the room. As she set her books down, a soft "Huh?" escaped her throat. her gaze fixing upon the bundle at the middle of her varnished tabletop.
It was a bouquet of flowers, wrapped in soft purple paper and held together by a yellow ribbon tied expertly. And what a lovely bunch it was! White Malaysian mumps were mixed with some blue-violet wildflowers. A few pieces of baby’s breath were thrown in for effect. The flowers weren’t fragrant, but all the same the color combination was so pleasant to the eyes that Keiko smiled in spite of her curiosity. Fingering the petals, she found a card tucked inside the wrapper. She took it out, and when she saw the words "To Keiko" written on the envelope, the mystery was solved.
And she was delighted – she couldn’t deny she wasn’t – that the blooms were from whom she was hoping they were from.
Something tugged at her heart when she began to read his messy scrawl:
"I hope
you’re having a good morning. If not, well, maybe these flowers could
brighten up your day. Unless, of course, your day’s already spoiled
because you’ve received a gift from me. (But I’m hoping you’re not.)"
Keiko smiled wryly. Yusuke could really be good in putting his foot in his mouth sometimes.
"Anyway,
I just wanted to ask when I could possibly talk to you. That was what I came
to your school for the other day, but… Well, that is, if you want to talk to
me.
Just in case you decide you don’t hate my guts, could you please meet me on
the meadow down by the train station? I know I’m asking you to sneak out,
so I’ll be there from about 9 until midnight."
He didn’t even sign it; he didn’t need to. With such a long message the medium-sized card was quite full with Yusuke’s penmanship.
The bell chimed, signaling the start of her Math class. With a sigh Keiko set the card down, arranged the flowers on the porcelain vase, and gathered pieces of chalk from her drawer. She was just going to deal with this later.
Night had fallen. Checking her watch, she saw it was ten in the evening. The moon was like some gem set in the center of a dark cloth, its luminescence beaming down on the woman following the trail down to the train station. Stars glittered like diamonds against the velvet sky – Keiko remembered there were 214 of them as of their last count. How many stars are actually there? She knew the answer was infinite. Just as the hopes in her heart were all dashed, so is the possibility of actually finding and accounting for each yellow-white dot in the heavens.
She had spent the past hour or so – was it two hours? Three? – having a dialogue with a small, irritatingly persistent voice in her head. It had chastised her of what she was about to do, because there was another man involved that would surely wreck her marriage. It had reminded her of her present lifestyle, and of how satisfied she was with the quiet, simple life she led. The tiny voice had laid its "guilt proof plan" a little too thick… and Keiko was almost decided on not seeing Yusuke at all. But she was stubborn as she was brave; she decided to take the risk, repeating to herself over and over that she was just there to TALK. And nothing else.
Wrapping the sweater around her, Keiko stepped over a boulder; she would have tripped had she not noticed it in time. She looked to her right and left, and seeing no threat of a train’s unannounced coming crossed under the wooden "Checkpoint" striped wood. Is it just me, or is the night more chilly than usual? She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, attempting to warm them.
She walked some more, until she reached the right place. A place she was very familiar with: some six years ago this was where she and her best friend talked, as he bid her goodbye… hurt that he was leaving again, she had run out on him, and nonchalantly mentioned that she was just going to have to look for another boy. (Yes, she still said boy, because they were still young as to know the meaning of the word man.) She had known he was disappointed, and maybe hurt as well, and perhaps his silence gladdened her a little… if only a little. Well, he did propose to her, and she, being the lovesick teenager she was more than half a decade ago, had all her hopes up that one day, he would be back safely. She had actually believed they were going to live happily ever after! Hah, Keiko now scoffed at the childish thought.
But she didn’t want to feel bitter tonight, at this moment… She admitted to herself what her ulterior motive for coming was.
She only wanted – despaired – to see her (her?) Yusuke again.
Her sneakers came in contact with the mushy earth, the sedge covering the toe of her shoes. Yusuke kept his word; he was lying there, arms folded to support the back of his head, legs stretched out, gazing at the stars. Keiko shook her head, wondering why she was surprised, and tried to be as calm as she could be, reminding herself that it was Yusuke who wanted to talk to her.
"I thought you wouldn’t come," Yusuke said without looking up.
Weird. "Have you been here long?" Keiko began, sitting down on the grass beside him.
He still didn’t face her, but cracked a smile. "Just long enough to catch a cold – "
Keiko smirked.
"-- and to count 214 stars."
She froze.
He smiled again.
"You didn’t think I’d remember, did you." It wasn’t a question.
"No – it’s just that… I was thinking of the exact same thing, when I looked out the window the other night… and just this moment, when I came here…" It was uncanny, how they almost have this – this psychic bond to each other. Even when they were younger they seemed to know what the other was thinking, or when one was in danger or not feeling well, the other would know.
Was this a sign?
"Did you have a hard time, uh, getting past your husband?" Yusuke
asked as casually as possible, trying not to cringe at his last word.
"No," Keiko studied her fingernails as she spoke. "Um, Ben’s
out of the country. He’s in Australia for some business trip; he’ll be back
in three weeks."
"Oh."
Keiko, not knowing what to make of his response, cleared her throat, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "So… what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
He trained his large brown eyes on her now, the breeze letting wisps of his bangs – yes, he did NOT use hair gel tonight – fly off his forehead. Keiko willed herself not to blush; he still had that effect on her, how his natural good looks still got her flushing profusely. She certainly didn’t want that to happen now.
"Did you like the flowers?"
She nodded. "Hai. They were beautiful, thank you."
"Sorry I didn’t something really pretty… like roses."
She shrugged. "That’s OK. I love wildflowers."
Silence. Then it was his turn to clear his throat. "Uh… well, I guess you’re wondering why I came back, huh."
Keiko nodded again. See what she meant with the psychic bond thing?
"I think you should know that I don’t, in any way, mean to disrupt your life."
"OK, I fairly deduced as much."
"Right. Well," he sat himself up, dusting his shirt off, "to tell you the truth, I came here on impulse." He ran a hand through his thick black hair. "Lately I had been feeling lonely, and… I had wanted to sort things out."
Yusuke turned away from her, an edge to his earlier lighthearted tone. "It just gets so tiring, you know? Maybe I got bored, I got weary, I got so SICK of waking up everyday and seeing the same old drab, dingy, gray stone walls. Of the talks I held with other Makai Lords when I knew politics just isn’t my thing, and I knew the conferences weren’t doing much good anyway to keep Yomi and Mokuro from their desire to conquer and wage wars and all that violent rubbish. Of being the only one in the entire kingdom to actually have HAIR on his head!"
Keiko had to giggle at that.
Yusuke grinned wryly, before his features took on that impassive look again. "Of the long, grueling hours of training to make me stronger – yes, that was important, and I used to think those things are enough to get me through this damned youkai heritage… but at the end of the day, when I’m exhausted and I find no one there to comfort me…" He threw up his hands. "I’m alone. I’m exhausted. And I’m sad."
Yusuke crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe, after six whole years of performing that routine, I realized I have had enough."
Keiko looked at him in concern, not interrupting.
He went on. "A huge chunk of me is left here, in Ningenkai – and it stays here. I’m still very much human, Keiko, and nothing is ever going to change that. Being the ningen that I am, I have my weaknesses." He nervously darted a glance at her, and laughed softly, almost self-consciously. "You know, it would be stating a very obvious fact that YOU are my weakness."
He reddened. Urameshi Yusuke actually had the grace to look embarrassed in spite of himself.
"After your wedding, I actually thought that I could just push you out of my life. Hah, that’s a big fat lie! Deep down, I knew that I couldn’t make it through that world – make that through the entire three worlds – without you."
At his confession Keiko lowered her hear. She was moved by his words, and she saw that Yusuke had changed a lot. He had matured – no longer the rash, brash youth he once was. And he had garnered enough courage to try and tell her something as personal as this.
"Remember our conversation the other day? When I said I was the sorriest man of all?" He plucked a few blades of grass and hurled them into the air. "Because I know I couldn’t have you anymore. No matter how many times I go over the past, it’s not in my power to redo it. And I simply have to accept that. But though you can’t be mine anymore, I just thought –" he paused. "No, I HOPED, that seeing you again would give me the strength I need, the will to move on, the determination to succeed in the kind of life I am faced with."
"Is it helping?"
His head snapped up at her point-blank question.
"Am I of any help to you?" her bangs covered her eyes, not permitting him to gaze into them. A grin played on Yusuke’s lips.
"Yes, actually, you are. Of course you are. Even just getting a glimpse of you relaxes me. All the more," he picked an invisible lint off his jeans, "if I know you’re safe, you’re happy."
For a few minutes Yusuke seemed to be contemplating hard, as his forehead creased for the slightest instant. Then he spoke. "But you know what? Even if I am overjoyed to share the same patch of land with you… maybe this isn’t such a bright idea after all."
"You’re not being very consistent, Yusuke," she deadpanned, still looking at her hands folded on her lap.
"No – what I mean is, the more I spend time with you, I only get a picture of what I’m missing, of what happiness I was once entitled to… I don’t know, maybe I’m just torturing myself, trying to squeeze into somewhere I’m not welcome." He sighed, then flopped back down on the grass. "Yes, that’s what I came here for, to sort things out – what I want out of my life and all that crap – but it seems that I’m getting confused all the more."
"Well…" Keiko was ruminating, groping for the right words. "What do you plan to do now?"
Yusuke lifted his shoulders in a shrug. He shook his head, slowly, as if in pain. "I don’t know… I really don’t know," he conceded. "But I do know that…" He drew in a sharp breath, and dared to look her in the eye. "I love you. And I forever will… and something tells me I should let you know that before I totally lose my mind."
That did it. Praying he wouldn’t notice, Keiko turned from him and discreetly wiped away a stray tear. "Thank you, Yusuke," she said softly, after another pause, "for being so open with me."
She inhaled as well, knowing this was her chance to tell him that yes, I do love you too and I don’t think I can stay in this marriage much longer now that I know you’re here… her cue to let him know how SHE truly felt for him… her moment to unleash the emotions she suppressed for six whole years.
And Keiko was about to say something. Really, she was.
But being the person with a head on her shoulders she checked herself. A split-second hesitation, but it was a golden opportunity for that voice in her head – which she somehow managed to silence and tuck away into a corner of her brain – to speak up.
Think of Ben, it rasped. Think of his feelings, of your job, of your present life. The voice was repeating everything they had argued about earlier.
Keiko felt her head throb, and she put a hand to her temple. Well, what about my feelings? My chance at happiness? She shot back.
"Keiko, are you alright?" Yusuke asked, concerned.
She looked up. He was there, her Yusuke, the only man she ever loved. It took her three seconds to return to the situation. "Yes," Keiko replied, not really meaning it. "Yes, yes, I’m fine. I’m fine."
Yusuke searched her face. He wondered if his little speech had gotten to her at all; he hoped against hope that she would say the words he longed to hear from her.
But Keiko just sat there, nonplussed, trying to fight an ambivalent emotion that had suddenly welled up inside her. "I… I appreciate all that you’ve told me."
Yusuke’s face almost fell; he was dejected. But he knew, deep down, that was all Keiko would tell him. He didn’t want to expect it, or acknowledge that small part of him – until now.
Yusuke closed his eyes once more, licking his lips. "Well, guess I’m going back to my father’s kingdom now; I’ve got no more reason to be here." He helped himself up. Sensing his movement Keiko glanced up at him. "After all, this is the closest I’m ever going to get to you; it hurts me to say so, but I’m just going to live with that."
Keiko just stared at him, dumbfounded. When he offered his hand, Keiko stared at it first, then back at him, before reaching for it – all the while an inexplicable weight of melancholy overwhelming her.
"So," Yusuke said quietly, not letting go of her hand, "I guess this is it." He smiled, but the ghost of sadness and regret never left his eyes.
Wordlessly, he leaned closer.
And planted a kiss on Keiko’s cheek.
She wished the moment would last forever. Time seemed to stop, seemed to forget to move on to the next second, as she relished the contact of his lips on her skin. It was a farewell, letting-go kiss: a kiss of two friends who found love in each other… only to lose each other in the end.
The end.
This IS it, isn’t it?
As if in slow motion, Yusuke drew back and looked at her, the sorrowful smile still pasted on his face.
"It’s been a privilege knowing you, Yukimura Keiko."
Then he turned on his heel and began walking away from her.
Walk away. Again.
Standing rooted on the spot, Keiko’s eyes filled with tears. You’re leaving? For good? She wanted to shout out.
Yusuke kept on, with every step increasing the distance between them. Widening the emotional gap betwixt them…
And excavating a deeper hole in the woman’s heart.
No… don’t leave me… Keiko silently pleaded. Tears began to slide down her face. Please, don’t… you mean so much to me… I don’t want to lose you anymore…
And before she could rationalize what she was doing, Keiko sprinted quickly, the grass diminishing her fast steps.
Shut up! She reprimanded the tiny voice, before it had a chance to talk her out of it again. It’s time to let the heart decide what is best… maybe it’s time to stop thinking about the consequences and just go along with what I feel.
She caught up with Yusuke, slightly out of breath, and seized his wrist. Startled, he stopped short; he did an about-face to shoot her an inquisitive look.
He didn’t get to gape at her that long, though.
Because the next thing he knew, a pair of hands was grabbing him by the collar...
...and he felt her silky, hungry lips kissing him hard on the mouth.
What the –
But he didn’t resist her. No, he couldn’t; he didn’t want to.
He tasted salt in his lips, and as he kissed her back he wiped away her tearstained cheeks. She firmly placed her hands on his chest, as she further explored his mouth, and Yusuke was powerless to fight off her amorous, fiery desire. Instead he wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in a warm embrace.
They continued to share their sweet, long kiss, lost in their own sensations, trapped in a world where nothing else matters but each other’s presence.
Ironic as it seemed, their first "real" kiss took place after all their opportunities had gone to waste.
Some time later Keiko drew back for air. Yusuke’s shoulders heaved slightly, too.
Keiko didn’t care anymore how wrong this was. The rapture, the exhilaration grew inside her, taking over her right mind, making her lose all conviction in a marriage grounded and held together only by a measly piece of paper.
Gently Yusuke traced the delicate outline of her face with his finger. Keiko covered it with her hand, drowning in those limpid pools of his large brown eyes – eyes that were still doubtful, eyes wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing.
"Stay," she said simply, assuring him that she did.
A great number of implications are contained in that one word. Both of them knew perfectly well what they were.
"Look," Keiko said in an attempt to explain herself, "maybe I wouldn’t be getting these ideas if my husband were here… but he isn’t, and I AM getting these ideas, so I really couldn’t give a damn about the rest. All I can care about is that you’re here with me, and thus for once in my whole married life I can say I am truly happy."
She was making the first move. Would he agree – SHOULD he consent?
His expression mirroring obvious delight, Yusuke nodded once.
