Violation of the Sixth
Commandment
chapter 3
by Varon
So much time had passed...
What had really happened?
What led our paths astray?
Was it actually my fault? I don't know, Yusuke, I don't know...
Keiko sniffled, and recalled
the events some four years ago...
¤
Ben was older than I was; he's four years my senior. He was a young executive from Australia who wanted to make it on his own and start a software company in Japan. He had a vision that his business would boom in the future years.
I had met him at a grocery store. I was buying some supplies for the ramen shop that Kaasan asked me to, when one of the carrots fell out of my already-full basket.
"Darn," I cursed under my breath. I saw that the orange veggie rolled under one of the shelves. "Well, guess I'd better just get another one." I turned around and hurried back to the vegetable section.
"Excuse me, are you looking for this?"
I turned around and saw a good-looking man handing the controversial carrot back to me. Yes, I admit, he was handsome: he had longish ash-blond hair (in the same style that Koenma-sama wears when in his teenage form), a chiseled nose, broad shoulders, and blue-green eyes the color of the Pacific Ocean. I picked up from his accent that he wasn't from around here.
"Thank you," I said, bowing slightly. And I really was grateful, except that I was a bit wary about foreigners. Nothing racist about it, just plain wary. Especially of the men with a toothpaste-ad smile that looked suspiciously false to me. Usually these guys have another trick up their sleeve. Good thing I can't (easily) be bought by magic.
I was right.
When he joined me at the counter I knew that of course Ben wouldn't return just the measly vegetable. I was perplexed when I saw how long the line was, because that gave us the time to chat a little. I wasn't too enthusiastic about that, but I didn't want to be rude. I just, well, decided not to talk much. He gave me his name, of course, and out of courtesy I gave mine. He gave his number too. When finally the bagger handed me my purchase I just waved goodbye and, relieved, thought that I wouldn't see him again.
How wrong could I possibly get?
Somehow he found a way of tracking me down. I was not surprised at all when, eventually, the purpose of the call was revealed.
"Uh, I've been meaning to ask you, Ms. Yukimura," Ben began.
"Yes?" I asked curtly.
"Would you, um --- are you free Friday night?"
I was about to launch into
one of my "I'm-sorry-but-I'm-engaged-so-you-have-to-
back-off-or-else" speeches that I delivered quite often, but Ben spoke
again.
"I - I know we haven't known each other that long, but that's the reason why people go on a date, right?" He laughed nervously.
Something about his tone had stopped me. Was it because, odd as it seemed, it was nearing the point of desperation? Whatever it was, I held back my tongue. My speech had to wait.
"So what do you say, Keiko?"
Truthfully? No. "Let me think about it first," I said instead. He seemed pleased with my answer.
But the day after he called again. I couldn't believe how persistent he was! Maybe it was wrong not to tell him about my status. But Kaasan had a different answer when I postponed an acceptance for yet another day. "Keiko-chan, if you want him to stop pestering you. maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go with him for just one night."
"But Kaasan!" I protested. "Yusuke --"
She held up the plate she was drying. "Yes, yes, I know. Yusuke. But you're not exactly going behind his back on this one. After all, you don't love this Ben, do you?"
"Of course not!" I said hotly. "I barely know him."
"So that doesn't count as cheating on Yusuke," Kaasan said, smiling slightly. "In fact, it would be doing him a favor -- shooing off another suitor. Then, on Friday night, you could very diplomatically let Ben down."
I was not entirely thrilled with my mother's proposition, but I guess it did make sense. So (slightly) against my will, I agreed to go out with Ben Friday evening.
Surprisingly, from the minute I stepped inside the classy restaurant with Mr. Howard, I had enjoyed his company. Yes, I wished Yusuke were there, but all in all I didn't find the time unpleasant. He was humorous, and enjoyed some of the things I did, and I learned a lot from his stories about making it big in the information technology highway. But I still held on to my resolve: this was a one-evening affair, no more communication after this.
During desert -- which was composed of yummy tapioca pudding -- I opened up the topic.
"Ben," I said gently, watching him drink his apple cider, "I had a wonderful time."
He grinned, ear to ear. "That's -- that's good to know!"
Oh, man. "But there's one thing I have to tell you."
Ben held his fork, halfway to his mouth, in midair.
"I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but --" I inhaled. "I can't treat you any more than as a friend."
There was a loud clutter. "W-what? But -- but why?"
This guy is dumbstruck! I thought, not knowing whether to be amused or to be irritated.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my gold-studded ear. "I promised my boyfriend that I'd marry him when he comes back."
After the bombshell was dropped, Ben was silent for quite some time.
"You're taken?" he finally managed to mutter in awe.
I had nodded, my eyes reflecting a look of pity. "I'm sorry."
Ben laughed self-consciously. "Oh, why was I even surprised? I should have known that a woman as beautiful as you was already engaged to be married." He laughed again.
And you should have taken my hints earlier, I added silently.
I knew this was the end of the date, so I got up, leaving my pudding untouched. He took the cue, and left some money on the table, not bothering for the change.
When he dropped me off at my house -- after a silent ride home -- I was the first to bid good night. I rummaged inside my purse for my key, and thanked him again. He looked kind of stoic, but as I entered the door he asked softly, "Will I still see you again?"
He didn't get it! I thought, frustrated. Suppressing a sigh, I almost shook my head at him. But at that time he looked so vulnerable, like a lost puppy. I pasted a smile on my lips instead, and shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
That night, as I
dozed off to sleep, my one thought was, Yusuke,
help me...
Things didn't get better in the succeeding days. I tried to erase the hostility I felt around Ben. Ultimately I warmed up to his presence, and treated him like I would any good friend. But he was still stubborn. Though he understood why I had to be unresponsive to his open professions of love, he didn't give up the idea of expressing his intent to marry me. How dense can a man get?!
Then one day, it was in a simple query that all my regrets sprung forth.
"Do you like me, Keiko?" Ben asked out of the blue, as we sat in the park one afternoon.
"Yes, of course," I replied, a little taken aback by his sudden question.
"But you love Yusuke." He was bitter, his frank statement marked by the undeniable contempt in his tone.
I avoided his eyes. Hello, wasn't it obvious? "Hai, very much."
"He might not come back, you know."
I had smiled smugly. "He will."
"Well," Ben had leaned forward, "what if he didn't?"
I was caught off guard by his intensity. "What are you saying, Ben?"
"I'm saying," he said, leaning closer to me, "that you shouldn't shut off your other options."
I drew back. "Like you?" I attempted to joke, but I think it came out dryly.
Ben took my hands in his. "Yes, like me."
This was getting to be ridiculous. "Ben --"
"Look, Keiko," he had pleaded, looking deeply into my eyes, "I love you."
I drew in a sharp breath, but didn't say a word.
"I want you to be my wife, but I can tell you can't decide until this Yusuke returned home from where he is right now."
I had sighed. "Yes, that's true, Ben. I care for you, but only as a friend. You know that."
"There's nothing more I can do to change that?"
Slowly I shook my head. "I'm afraid there isn't."
I had to feel sorry for him; he looked utterly devastated.
"But if anything," I went on, " the problem isn't in you."
He had grinned wryly. "Gee, thanks for letting me know."
I glanced at my watch. "It's getting late. I'd better go." With that, I patted his hand and started to walk away.
"Wait," he called out. I halted in my tracks.
"If you're that confident that your fiancé would be back home by the day he said he would, I've only got one thing to ask of you."
I turned around. "What?"
"In case he didn't return, you have to marry me the day after his supposed return."
I was shocked, to say the least. This was getting out of hand!
Then I got angry. How dare he accuse Yusuke of not coming back? He just made a fool of himself by making such a bold proposition.
If his condition weren't that drastic, I would have laughed it off and considered it silly. I guess, in a way, I did consider it a lose-lose situation for him, and I had utmost faith in Yusuke, so what was left for me to do?
I accepted his challenge.
"Fine," I said
haughtily. "If that's what you want." I was off with those words.
¤
I was truly, truly sorry I said yes that day, Keiko thought. My world crumbled when Yusuke didn't come back. I had lost belief in him; I had never felt so betrayed. I waited for him for three years, and what did he do? He had forgotten me.
And there was Ben, prompt as ever, grinning very wildly like the Cheshire cat who swallowed the canary. "I won" was all he said at my doorstep, and I knew I had a promise to fulfill.
Perhaps, those two reasons pushed me to go ahead and marry Ben.
Keiko wiped away another tear. The pain in her heart grew, spreading in her entire being until it almost swallowed her up. It didn't help that her longing for Yusuke remained in her. Conflicting emotions tore her apart, and her shoulders shook with sobs once more.
For three years she was committed to pushing Urameshi Yusuke out of her mind, and out of her heart. She actually thought she was adjusting pretty well to her married life. But after today, she realized she was only fooling herself. She didn't love Ben at all; she liked and cared for him, and she respected him. Yes, respect. Is that enough foundation for a harmonious marriage?
How did she ever convince herself that she would learn to love Ben? How did she get carried away in the illusion that she can survive this loveless marriage?
Maybe she did make a mistake, after all. Maybe she was partly to blame.
I'm sorry, Yusuke.
You're not the only one who suffered.
The grandfather clock chimed 2 am. Finally, sleep was coming to her. Settling more comfortably in the cushioned upholstery, Keiko whispered the words she should have told Yusuke that afternoon: "Yusuke... ai shite iru."
