MAKING SENSE

by Clifford Marshal Ablaza

    (IT is a stinging universal truth: everybody wants to rule the world. But this desire stems from the smaller institutions of formation like schools, or homes or partnerships. There always seems to be somebody who puts up his head to go out of his way to have the world roll aimlessly in the palm of his hands or manipulate it like a string-laden marionette. This perspective springs from the desire to satisfy a person's own personal hunger-may it be over material things or power. It is, in itself, a subtle version, if not the indication, of terrorism. I don't mean the massacre of helpless, innocent people but the rape of their natural-born rights and hard-earned privileges, the extraction of their life's essence, the taking advantage of their weaknesses. Selfishness, truly, is the butcher of virtue and greed, the resident evil that lurks and thrives in the fragility of anybody's humane and temptation - conquerable mind. This is an attempt in transcribing their system or guideline of reasoning.)

    During my life, I have resolved to meet and step on them in my own way.

    I am self-made. Therefore, I alone can measure my capabilities. I shall not be irked by others. I shall not be bothered by their judgments  for I myself am opinionated and all they say might be pale imitations of somebody else's idea due to insecurity. I shall not easily trust another person. I can do my job and hold my own, anyway. I shall be indifferent. I shall be passive of other peoples feelings. Emotions will only make me shallow. I shall not base my decision upon that of the majority. Whether it be unanimous or not, they cannot represent, much less enact, my beliefs. They cannot bend my personal point of view. Moreover, my belief may just be as potent as theirs.

    I have my pride; thus, I will not let anybody or anything make me feel inferior. I shall not trade impression for expression. What peoples will say about me is more important that what I have to say. It does not indicate that I am pedantic. People just have to make that extra effort in searching for my meaning. It does not matter, and I shall not mind if I have stepped over somebody else's welfare, or privilege, regardless whether they have rightfully earned it. I am blessed and imbued with exceptional talents which need extra attention for further development. Thus, I will not pretend to be so generous by helping other people their unseeming talents, no matter how polite they ask for it. My time is very precious. I shall hinder anybody who, I believe, has the potentials and talents that might surpass my own. I have made my mark and it is not yet it due to be erased. They might threaten my integrity.

    Too few are able to climb this hill of life. I must hurry to be on top, so I shall pull down those who are before me. I believe I am born to be prodigy and an achiever. It does not mean that I am materialistic and worldly, nor am I a power-seeker nor am I insecure. I only go for self-preservation. Nothing is more important than myself. I shall take as much space I think would sustain my own personal growth. I shall not be influenced by any consideration; it is for the meek, and it is an abstract concept.

    It is too hard to simply survive and yet, there is competition. Thus, in my daily battle, I shall fight. I shall use my resources. Rules are only excuses for those who lose. As with any other obstacle that I tackle, I shall assert my authority even without provocation. No matter how violent or pointless or selfish it may seem, as long as I can be recognized in such regard. Reasoning makes us wise, but the truth leaves us dull and weak. I shall elevate my standards in choosing, but not in living. It is hard to perform what you preach. Nobody would take notice of it, anyway.

    Life, itself, is pressing and testy. But I shall not succumb to its demands. I do not have to live it day by day because I have so little time to waste. It is very conformity-conscious to live stereotypically. I can be radical. I shall not let it control me nor degrade me, nor mock me. I aim to have it blow before me when the time is ripe.

    But, in the end, when things do not go as I have planned and have gone wrong instead, I shall distribute the blame because, after all, I am only human.

    (To some this might seem like the blackbox of truth, but, truly, ego-feeding is only good when you think of or look at yourself but not when others see the worms that surround such display of self-gratifying, almost-manipulating actions. I would not deny, however, that we are all subject to succumb to this perennial disease of the spirit. But it is in extending out our hands to other people that we can start to vanquish outward traces of terrorism.)