| As a bevy of onlookers stared and pointed, a local teddy bear discovers how difficult it is to have every facet of his being recognized and celebrated equally. �It�s like I have one cute cuddly limb firmly planted in the world of plush toy acceptability, while the other is clinging desperately in the world of collectables, while the other is left dangling over the abyss of hardcore pornography!� sighs a visibly distraught and engorged Theo Bruin. � I am just as adorable as any other stuffed animal plus, I�m sporting something that sets me apart from the crowd. When you talk about collectability, all those damned Beany Baby eunuchs look pretty much the same...but me, I�ve got a freakin� penis! |
| Lincoln Area Teddy Bear Unable To Be Both Anatomically and Politically Correct by a.fish |
| But do I get the playful hugs or gain my rightful place of honor on ebay? NO! All because a society that is too frightened of their own sexuality ostracizes me! Listen people! I am a stuffed toy surrogate for your psyche! The only reason you can�t handle me is because you can�t handle yourselves. (Although I�m certain more than a few of you have handled yourselves while imagining handling me!)� Theo could undergo a simple medical procedure that would insure his acceptance in polite society, but at what cost? �Cost isn�t the issue,�insists Mr. Bruin,�it would be less than $15 for the pinking shears necessary for the operation. But, hell, I was made this way and I�ll be damned if I am going to change just so others can feel less threatened around me.� While he insists that he will never go under the knife, his girlfriend has had reconstructive surgery to become a more sexual being. She is seen here in a polaroid taken for publication in the magazine Beaverhunt. |
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| " Once I met Theodore, I knew I had to do something to compete with all those inflatable dolls he was hanging out with,"Ann X replied,"I had been seeing Ken behind Barbie�s back, but Theo had that little something extra that made me willing to change for him." "I am so proud of what Ann did!" Teddy exclaims. "I have always had to deal with being seen as different in a narrow minded world's eyes, but Ann had been embraced and loved for generations by a society that wanted her to stay just the way they had always remembered her to be...cuddly, plush and non-sexual. The fact that she was willing to face such strong opposition, proves to me that her heart is in the right place!" |
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