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(HIA) - Molly Wortham had always known it. Amy Abeln had always yearned to say it. But politeness and decency had never allowed either to express their truest suspicions -- that beneath the high adorability factor, Denise Hardesty, (her real name), really is a bitch. "I've pretty much always called her a bitch," said Wortham, "Even to her face. I'm not worried about her getting mad or me seeming like a bitch for calling her a bitch, 'cuz after all, I really am pretty much a bitch, and I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bitch, quite frankly." Many HIA-er's were shocked and saddened by the news that Denise is a big ol' bitch. "I just can't believe that she's a bitch," said Claude Abeln, shaking his head. "Well, I first heard about it from Katy, and, well, I honestly felt it was a case of the pot calling the kettle black, if you will. But then, after eavesdropping when Denise didn't know I was around, I heard her get all bitchy on somebody's ass, and well, the proof was in the pudding, regardless of how adorable that pudding is." Hardesty, the bitch herself, was reportedly delighted, moved, and relieved by the confirmation of the rumor. "I love it when people call me a bitch!" said Hardesty while clapping her hands in a really super cute adorable manner. "It makes me feel tough!!!!" she said, giggling. Although the news sent waves of surprise through the HIA community, HIA members adjusted quickly by taking on the responsibility of referring to Denise as a bitch as well. |
| Suspicions Confirmed during John Henry Day Weekend... Denise really is a bitch, but a really, really cute bitch By Katy Beem |
| Me-OWWW! A mortally wounded Kelly flees before another bitchy barb from Denise can pierce its way through her tender heart! |