Vacation

I went on a vacation, but my car was broken down
So I took a city bus going to the end of town.
The bus would go no farther, so I got off by the road.
I had to keep on going, so I shouldered up my load
And I really have to tell you, it's a very long trek
From the city of New York to the city of Quebec.
You have to cross a border where they do a passport check
So it's good to have yours handy and ready to inspect.
I travelled in the daytime and I rested up at night.
The people driving by me must have seen a sorry sight:
With fifty pounds of luggage that I carried on my back
It looked like I was nearly ready for a heart attack.
A kindly man pulled over and he let me ride with him.
I got to talking with him and I learned his name was Jim.
We drove across the border where they do the passport check
And on until we made it to the city of Quebec.
He left me at my hotel where my luck had just run out.
No buses were available on my vacation route
Until much later, which put all my travel plans in doubt.
Nobody speaking English was around to help me out.
I didn't stay there long, 'cause I really had to hurry
For now I had gotten yet another cause for worry.
Although Quebec was charming and its sights rather pretty
My luggage got put on a bus for the Motor City.
I don't know how it happened. I was trying to find out
Something from the clerk concerning my vacation route.
The man, whose name was Mr. Hoyt, would mostly speak in French
And though he tried to help me, gave my travel plans a wrench.
It's an even longer trek, I was told by Mr. Hoyt
From the city of Quebec to the city of Detroit;
To make the trek in one week is a singular exploit
For you must avoid the detour that goes off to Beloit..
But a week was all I had, there was simply no more time
To catch up with my luggage and I wouldn't spend a dime
More than I really had to: I was on a package tour
And watching my expenses so I wouldn't wind up poor.
For in a week my luggage, if it was not claimed by then
Would be sold at an auction by some auctioneering men
With other unclaimed cargo to some secondhand goods store
And by then there would be no chance of finding it once more.
I left the hotel lobby and I headed down the road.
I made much better time because I had no heavy load.
Another driver stopped and let me ride with her as far
As I wanted to go with her in her brand new sports car.
She wasn't going to Detroit, but to somewhere quite near
I'd gained a couple days' time, that much was becoming clear.
I thanked the lady kindly and I hiked the final miles
To the Detroit bus station and its unclaimed luggage piles.
It's a pretty easy trip, if you're travelling by plane
From the city of Detroit to the city of Fort Wayne.
It takes a little longer if you're travelling by train.
The reason why I wanted to go there I should explain.
I hoped to catch a bus that would be leaving right at dusk
And would head south from Fort Wayne all the way on down to Tusc-
aloosa, Alabama, where I knew I'd get a deal
On a one way bus ticket to the city of Mobile.
Now the city of Mobile is a very friendly place
But for me was just a stop in my long cross-country race.
I had to find a way to get to where I'd never been:
Some way to get from Mobile to the city of Killeen.
Now the city of Killeen is in Texas, and it's not
The sort of place you think of as a prime vacation spot
But in Killeen, the company through which I'd booked my tour
Maintained its central headquarters, of that I was quite sure.
When I got there they listened to my lengthy tale of woe
Then cheerfully refunded my deposit in escrow.
They gave me a free ticket to the city of my choice
And then said "Thank you for your business" in a friendly voice.
I could have gone back right then, on an A-620 Stork
From the city of Killeen to the city of New York
By way of San Antonio; instead I took a fork
In the road that would take me to the little town of Mork.
Now Mork, Texas, is so small that it's not on any map
The people living nearby think it's just a tourist trap.
It's actually a resort for the super, super rich
But they welcome anybody that rides in on a hitch.
They treated me like one of them, since only rich folks know
The secret of Mork, Texas: it's a fun-filled place to go
If you have some vacation time and lots and lots of dough
Then this is where the action is; they put on quite a show.
They put me up at Nellie's Place, a bed-and-breakfast inn
Which served the best food I've had since I can't remember when.
They wouldn't take my money, said my stay was on the house.
I learned my stay there was financed by Nellie's wealthy spouse.
It seemed the man had struck it rich by trading travel stocks
Then opened up a resort covering twelve city blocks
This resort had become a town when all his friends moved in
And made it a community that catered to their kin.
They had a swank casino that earned ninety grand a day
From wealthy patrons who had come from distant parts to play.
They also had a racetrack where their purebred horses raced
Where money could be won whenever lucky bets were placed.
A grand and stately theater had all the latest shows
From Broadway and from Hollywood; this place would never close.
Not far away, five fancy restaurants served all kinds of fare
To anyone who loved fine food and had the cash to spare,
And golf courses, and tennis courts, and swimming pools, and spas
Were just a little part of all the things to do. There was
No lack of anything you'd need to have a good time there.
You could relax and pass away the time without a care.
I still haven't decided just when I'll be leaving Mork
Or even if I really want to go back to New York.
I have no family or friends or any I call dear
Back there; all of the good things there can be found better here.
I have almost a week left of my paid vacation time
And all the while that I've been here I haven't spent a dime.
By then I must decide just what I want to do - 'til then
My travels are now over, and my story's at an end.

1997

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