©2003 Harvey H. Warwick III

Once upon a time, so I've heard
Though this may sound rather absurd
There lived a wealthy man whose name was Gregg
Who had a body shaped just like an egg.
Though his name was Gregg, he's known best
By a nickname given in jest:
Called Humpty Dumpty by some young classmate
This was a nickname that he'd grown to hate.
He was quite a fat little man
That was how his surname began
And he would normally sit in a slump
This was the reason he had such a hump.
Humpty wasn't really an egg;
Still, he had a very bad leg
So he would look for a place to sit down.
If there was none, he would sit on the ground.
Humpty Dumpty sat on the floor
But he thought he'd like something more.
It was too hard on his legs and his feet
So he looked 'round for a much softer seat.
Humpty Dumpty found a small stool
Humpty Dumpty felt like a fool
For when he sat down upon it, it broke,
Spilling him onto the floor, the poor bloke.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a couch
In his normal humped-over slouch
But the old couch couldn't hold up his weight
Leaving him in an embarrassing state.
Humpty Dumpty found a good chair
And began to settle down there
But he was so short that he couldn't see
Over the windowsill ledge easily;
For he liked to watch the parade
When it came through town and displayed
All the king's men clad in shining chainmail
On the king's horses, some dark and some pale.
Humpty Dumpty worked for the king
For whom he would do anything.
He was a minister of the king's court
For whom he would make a daily report.
Humpty Dumpty, in his report,
Had to note how much they were short
Of the money that was needed to spend
For the king's army of horses and men.
Since he could not see from his chair
Humpty Dumpty sat on a stair
But he could find no convenient place
For the stairwell was just too small a space.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a shelf
Where he felt quite proud of himself:
Now he could watch the parade as it passed
And count the men, from the first to the last.
But he couldn't see 'round the bend
Where the parade came to an end
And he was sure that he must see it all
So he decided to climb up a wall.
This was very tricky to do
There was nothing to hold onto
But he was stubborn and would not be stopped
Until he made it or until he dropped.
Since he could not climb it by hand
Humpty dropped back down to the sand.
Then he rushed off to a carpenter's shop
And bought a ladder to climb to the top.
Once he got on top of the wall
Humpty Dumpty could see it all
All the parade from beginning to end
Even the part that was around the bend.
But a gust of wind got a grip
On his ladder, making it tip
And in a moment it started to fall
Leaving him with no way down from the wall.
Humpty Dumpty started to shout
For someone to come help him out.
All the king's men who were riding on by
Turned 'round to help him when they heard his cry.
Humpty Dumpty had a good grip
On the wall's edge, lest he should slip
But he got dizzy from sitting so high
Up on the wall, where he felt like a fly.
Down below, the king's men drew near
And exclaimed that he should not fear.
Some grabbed his ladder that lay on the ground
And raised it up so that he could come down.
Humpty Dumpty tried to grab hold
Of the ladder, lest it should fold
Back in upon itself, leaving him stuck.
However, he was not to have such luck.
Once again, the wind played a trick
And reversed directions too quick
For Humpty Dumpty to avoid a fall
Down from the opposite side of the wall.
All the king's men waiting below
Raced as swiftly as they could go
Round to the opposite side of the wall
But they were too late to prevent his fall.
Though they rode their horses quite fast
Humpty Dumpty had breathed his last.
Had they been faster he'd not have been hurt
But now his remains were scattered like dirt.
When the king heard what had occurred
He had Humpty's remains interred.
All the king's men came to bid a farewell
To Humpty Dumpty who died where he fell.
Humpty Dumpty was laid to rest
While the sun sank into the west.
Few people now can recall his good deeds
And on his tombstone, his epitaph reads:
"HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL
HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL
ALL THE KING'S HORSES AND ALL THE KING'S MEN
COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

1998