Finding the perfect Christmas tree is an exercise in futility.
The finest specimen you see, once brought home, will look differently.
Their needles make them hard to hold: to pick one up, you must be bold.
But choose with care, for once it's sold, the lot will not refund your gold.
When you load it in your truck or car and drive it home, though it's not far,
Once home, you'll find some hidden scar or sticky residue of tar.
Apartments are no place for trees: their pollen often makes you sneeze.
Though they look nice in winter's freeze, when they dry out, they burn with ease.
It's always hard to guess the height - you seldom ever get it right.
The fit is usually too tight, and trimming it will take all night.
You turn the bad spot towards the wall, and wonder why the room's so small.
Next year, if there's a tree at all, just get a fake one from the mall.

12/1999