© 2003 Harvey H. Warwick III

My new year's resolution was to start my shopping early
So I'd not be rushed at Christmas time this year.
On January 10th I went to all the clearance sales
And bought a load of half-priced fishing gear.
I figured I'd find someone it would be the perfect gift for
And stashed it in a closet in a trunk.
I knew that no one else would ever find it in the closet
For it was completely filled with useless junk.
On February 5th I bought some candy from a schoolkid
Raising money for his graduating class.
He also sold me magazine subscriptions that I didn't need
But were so cheap that I just couldn't pass.
In March my car broke down and it took all my extra money
Just to get the old thing working right again.
In April I had taxes due and THAT took all my money
And left me with no surplus I could spend.
On May the 21st my neighbor had a moving sale
And I saw some things I simply had to buy:
A terrific set of golf clubs - they were only thirty dollars
And a genuine imported red silk tie.
The tie would make a great gift for my father or my uncle
Since their wardrobes tend to be a little tame;
The clubs I kind of wanted for myself but figured that I
Wouldn't keep them if I couldn't learn the game.
In June I took a long awaited two weeks of vacation
Aboard an international cruise ship.
I wanted to buy souvenirs to use as Christmas presents
But ran out of money halfway through the trip.
There are three birthdays in July that I always buy gifts for
But this year, when they came, was short of cash.
The candy went to Sandy, and the tie I gave to Guy
And my much-beloved golf clubs went to Ash.
August is a month that I try not to spend much money
For that's the month that five big bills come due.
It's also far too hot to be outdoors, so I stay inside
And turn the A/C up 'til I turn blue.
On September 3rd my favorite store went out of business
And had a going out of business sale.
There I bought a barbecue, a stereo and speakers,
And a brand new talking bathroom scale.
On the next day, I received four wedding invitations
To four cousins' weddings in the fall.
Luckily, I had the scale, barbecue and stereo
And the fishing gear to give them all.
So here it is, December 21st, and I've no presents;
For all that work I've nothing left to show.
But the stores are open late, and if I start tonight
I'll have it done by next Christmas, I know!

10/2000