| THE NATURE OF A BOY Dear Sisters I will never forget the day my son was born. I couldn't get over the way he was so physically different to my girls. Not only the obvious, but his little body was straight ~ no curves, his head was larger, his fingers were more 'square' than tapered, his legs were longer and he had the most beautiful lips. Now that he is a 'big boy' child, at age 11, I am in awe of the way he is so different in character to my girls. There's no way I can get him to talk about his feelings. Playful sarcasm is wasted on him. He tells the story the way it is, not the way it could be perceived. Emotions don't run through his speech ~ at least not often. He is not easily embarrassed. He has no hang-ups! What you see is what you get. Today was 'clean Sam's room' day. I know not to expect Sam to do a thorough job on his room. I am prepared for this. I know that I get what I inspect, not what I expect from him. I have accepted this fact of life. And so, I ventured into his room, ready to sort out clothes, cupboards, drawers, nooks and crannies, and fully prepared to perform an 'under the bed blitz'. I wasn't disappointed. His room delivered all this ~ and more! (smile). From his cupboard, I extracted clean and dirty clothing. I hung up many shirts which I didn't even know he had. I found last years winter corduroys, that are now too small. I discovered jackets that I didn't even know he still possessed, that still fit him. I ruthlessly added to 'mount throw-me'. As I was doing this, Sam continued sorting his recently washed clothing, ready for me to hang and pack away. There was a wealth of boys wardrobe in that small cupboard! I found myself beginning to get annoyed with him, and committed the silliest act; ~ I started to lecture him ~ about the state of his room.... "....You know, Sam, the Lord has given you the blessing of having your own room. A lot of boys your age would do anything to have their own room. Judging by the state of yours, do you really think you deserve it?" "No, mom" "Perhaps you should sleep in the corridor on the spare bed.." "Ok, mom, but what about my clothes? Shall I just leave them in my cupboard?" Impatiently, I replied "No, we can just put them in a box!" I couldn't believe how easy-going he was about this. I expected him to put up some resistance or apologise (or repent?). The fact was ~ he wasn't being smart. He genuinely didn't mind moving out....and started emptying a box, preparing for his clothes! "You don't care much for these things in your room, do you, Sam?" "Mom, I like them, but I really don't use them" At this point, I took a look around his room: puppets hanging from the ceiling ~ wooden and soft, a printers tray ~ full of tiny treasure, which had been passed down by all the children, a couple of woven bonnets, left there by Sarah, from her occupancy of the room, posters of Buzz Lightyear and Woody, ~ half hanging off the wall ~ fluttering every time somebody passed by. His low-boy was full with ornaments from past birthdays, Christmases, etc. It struck me that this room which we had assigned our son did not reflect his taste, his style, his character. It was mine! Time had moved so fast, and because my son hadn't really bothered much about the decor ~ the style of decor had stood still! Furthermore, I realised that I was exasperating him! "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" Ephesians 6:4 I was heaping upon him a false sense of guilt, which wasn't his. I was provoking him ~ even discouraging him. My feminine desire to have all the rooms in my home neat and tidy and style-ish was running over onto an 11 year old boy, who really didn't care where he slept (as long as he was warm!) I am thankful that my son is not too materialistic. I am thankful that he is easy to please and seldom complains. I am thankful that he has an easy-going nature. But.... I now realise the importance of his masculine nature and my and the girls feminine nature. As long as we understand and respect the difference, all will be well, of a truth! I discussed these thoughts with my husband ~ laughing as I recalled my darling son's expressions. This weekend, Lord willing, we will be changing Sam's room to reflect his character, his likes and dislikes ~ using what we have. Attempting creativity. Already, Sam is overjoyed at the prospect of choosing what colour paint we will use. I pray that the Lord will show me each time I take the wrong step with my children. Oh, how I need the Lord's guidance. Oh, how I need wisdom! With love from your ever-learning sister in Christ, Helen |