by Melody Bowen
I've been cheating. I admit it.
A few weeks ago, I quit smoking. Afterward, I didn't smoke for a very long time. At all. Then I started... well, "cheating". The forbidden nature of those little demons got to me, and I stopped resisting temptation. First it was just a drag. One teensy little miniscule drag couldn't hurt, could it? Then it was a whole cigarette -- but I'll only smoke this one, etc. -- which led to rationalizing one more, and one more, and one more... People keep confronting me with, "Hey, I thought you quit smoking!" I retort with, "I'm not smoking. I'm just cheating a little. I haven't started smoking again. I haven't." A colleague yesterday said, "If that's true, then put it out." So I did, but only after one more drag, which he was quick to point out. "See, you couldn't throw that away without one more drag!"
One more drag. Ahhh, tpttthhhtthhhh.
All this "toying" with my nasty little habit got me thinking about cheating in general, and I'm wondering what the hell is up with it. Everywhere I look someone is cheating on something or something. Everywhere. Kids "fudging" on tests. Dieters devouring carbohydrates. My friend's (former) accountant going to prison for "creative" tax deductions. And then the relationship cheating -- husbands cheating on wives, girlfriends on boyfriends. Cheating is everwhere! When did this become our way of life? It makes me wonder, did it all start the way my cheating did... just one little miniscule drag? Did it get out of control the way mine did, with just a little bit of rationalization pushing the cheater closer and closer to the edge until they plunge into the abyss? Gives me pause, it does. Again, what the hell is up with all the cheating?
Think I'm going overboard? OK, some examples. Here's some "cheating" I've personally witnessed, all duly rationalized by the cheater and/or the cheatee. (Note: The names have been excluded & some genders changed to protect the totally innocent, the incontrovertably guilty, the blissfully ignorant, etc.)
Examples:
*The girl who attended a formal event and discovered her boyfriend there... with another girl. He says it never happened before, and it would never happen again...
*The girl whose former boyfriend calls her up professing undying love for her... as his new wife lies sleeping in the next room. He says he knows he was a fool to let her go way back when...
*The guy who met a girl at a business conference, told her how "sexy" she was, and asked her for a date... as he did nothing to hide his wedding ring. But if he never mentions his wife, she doesn't exist, right?
*The guy who asked a girl to accompany him to his hotel room within hours of their first meeting... after revealing that his wife was home with the children. But if she never knows, no one gets hurt, right?
*The girl who lured her old boyfriend into bed several times with a few smooth lines, a few more smooth shots of booze, and a side of "she never has to know". If she doesn't know the new girlfriend, what's the harm...
*The girl who sleeps with a married man because she knows it can never get too serious. If it's only about the sex, then why should it matter?
*The guy who stopped sleeping with his wife... because he'd rather surf porn sites and "take care of business alone". Umm.... ewww.
*The guy who slept with his old girlfriend several times behind the new girlfriend's back. It was just a mistake, and it will never, ever, ever happen again, right?
*The guy who had a "pseudo-affair" with a coworker and "fell in love" with her, but claims they never had sex. If they never really "consummated" the relationship, it's not "real" cheating, right?
*The girl who had a bad date, then called her ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night with revelations of love and adoration. But she's not serious with the new guy yet, so it's not really cheating...
Blah, blah, blah. Believe it or not, all the examples are true, all witnessed by little old me. I ask again: What the hell is up with all the cheating? Does no one (myself included) have a conscience anymore? Is the whole world cheating? When did the forbidden fruit become so sweet that everyone had to bite?
And, in the interest of full disclosure, I'll admit that yes, I have been both the cheater and the cheatee in the past. I have no idea what made me stoop to such deplorable behavior all those years ago, but I did it. I learned my lesson, though, when I became the "cheatee". Only then did I understand what real betrayal feels like. (P.S. If you've never been there, here's a summary: It sucks.)
In light of these observations, I'm calling for the following: Wouldn't it be great if everyone just admitted what they wanted? Guys, don't want the girl you're with? Fine. Leave her, and tell her the truth about why. Girls, want to sleep with another guy? Fine. Admit it, and let the guy you're with now off the hook. Husbands & wives, unhappy with the state of your marriage and noticing the lovely sod on the other side of the pickets? Fine. Pack your things, admit your weakness to your spouse, then step over the fence onto the greener green. Let's all just stop rationalizing when we succumb to temptation, and just be honest. Maybe honesty hurts too, but I'm convinced that the bitter aftertaste of dishonesty lasts a lot longer. I think most everyone finds that the oh-so-sweet fruit is not so sweet after all.
I'm calling for no more cheating. Revolutionary idea, yes?
Note to Pam: Fine, you win. As you insisted, I've admitted in my on-line diary that I'm smoking. So tpppthhhh.