�Here we stand
Worlds apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I�m reaching for you�
My hair never dries. I need to cut it short again.
I sat on the side of the bed, my feet dangling about six inches above the floor, while I attempted to towel dry my hair so it�d stop dripping water. Giving up the nearly impossible task, I pulled it all up into a bun and put the towel back into the bathroom.
Now to attempt to sleep with more demons laughing at me inside of my head than normal.
The alarm downstairs went off the moment I flipped the light off. When it stopped beeping a few seconds later, my heart began pounding harder.
I�m more afraid to face Nick again than a burglar or murderer that might break into his house.
That�s insane.
Hoping to avoid any confrontation until daylight, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my shoulders. For the first time, I realized how big the bed was and found myself feeling completely empty.
I couldn�t hear him moving around, so I assumed he was still downstairs. Curling up on my side and taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and started what was going to be a long night of pretending to sleep.
*
Kara left the kitchen light on for me, but the rest of the house was dark and silent.
Must be sleeping.
Flopping onto the living room couch, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. My contemplative state was quickly shattered by a beeping rendition of �In the End� that brought my attention to the small silver cell phone sitting on the table.
Should I risk answering it?
Picking it up, I glanced at the caller ID and immediately hit the �talk� button. Instead of saying anything, I just put the phone to my ear and listened to the crowd noise and the muffled voice of Toby talking to someone else he was with.
�Hey, Kar? Are you feeling better? You aren�t still crying, are you? �Cause then I�m definitely flying out there tonight.�
I really made her cry? She was crying because of me?
I hate myself.
�Um, Toby� this isn�t Kara.�
*
Uh oh�
�Nick? You�re back?�
�Yeah.�
The guy sounds absolutely miserable. I don�t know if I should feel sorry for him too or be angry that he made Kara cry so badly. Then again, she�s a mess all the time now, so it wasn�t really all of his fault; he just doesn�t know how to handle her without taking offense to some of her defensive tactics.
�Uh� why are you answering Kara�s phone?�
There was a momentary pause.
�I think she�s asleep. I just got here and her phone was sitting on the coffee table. I figured since it was you, it might be important.�
I think he�s scared of me.
�Well, it sorta is. The flight got moved up. We�re supposed to get to Tampa at five tomorrow evening now.�
No need to tell him that I moved it up, so I could take care of my little sister.
�Alright. Kara and I will be there.�
That�s if she�ll be able to be alone with you. Knowing her, she�ll avoid you all day tomorrow.
�Hey, Nick, mind if I give you a little bit of advice?�
*
No, definitely don�t mind. I need all the advice I can get.
�Nah, go ahead.�
�When you go into her room tonight - and I know you will because you feel guilty, I hear it in your voice - Kara is going to most likely pretend she�s asleep. Let her. If you try to talk to her tonight, you won�t get anywhere, and you might make things worse.�
Easy enough, I guess. I really need to straighten everything out with her though.
�I know she�s frustrating, but� go easy on her. When we get there, trust me� we�ll all try and help you out.�
Fucking score!
A new sense of hope relieved the hopeless fears that had filled my head. I�m gonna have inside help? Maybe I�ll be able to win her back even after today�s events.
�You just have to try and keep her calm. You have it difficult because you�ve only seen her before all of this got bad. Once Brittney, Mike, and Matt entered the picture� yeah, she�s a mess, Nick, but you�ve probably already noticed.�
I think anyone in a mile radius of Kara can see that.
�Alright. I�ll try and keep her sane until you get here.�
He didn�t respond as music got louder on his end.
�Hey man, I gotta go so� five tomorrow. I�ll see ya then. Things will work out, Nick. Trust me. I�m starting to think the two of you might belong together.�
I hope so.
�Thanks, man.�
�No problem. See ya tomorrow.�
�Bye.�
Clicking �end,� I put the phone back on the table and stood up, turning off the lights and setting the alarm. Quietly I climbed the stairs, turned on the hall light, and pushed open her door, finding Kara curled up in a tiny little ball with blankets wrapped around her.
I can�t tell if she�s pretending or really asleep. She was exhausted earlier, so I wouldn�t be surprised if she really is sound asleep.
The light in the hall helped me make my way through the room without running into anything. Kneeling beside the bed, I couldn�t help running my knuckles down the side of her face.
�I�m so sorry, baby.�
I kissed her cheek carefully before standing up and moving slowly towards the door, not wanting to take my eyes off of her incase she disappeared.
No sleeping with her tonight.
*
I need him. I need him constantly. All the time. I never want to let him out of my sight.
The moment the door shut behind him, the room grew black again and I began doing what I seem to do constantly now - crying.
Damn it. Why do I need you so much?
*
Too tired to shower.
I should probably not throw my clothes on the floor when I�m going to have all these people in my house this weekend. Then again, I really don�t care anymore.
Throwing my pants on top of the rest of the clothes I�d just removed, I fell face first into my bed, closing my eyes only to find myself wide awake and desiring to have a pretty brunette wrapped around me with her legs tangled in mine.
I don�t think I�m ever going to be able to sleep again. Not without Kara in bed with me.
If I didn�t feel sick every time another girl touched me, this could drive me back to sex with random women every night just so I don�t have to sleep alone.
But I don�t want another girl! I want Kara!
Taking a hint from her earlier actions, I screamed into my pillow. It didn�t seem to ease my pent up aggression any.
Tonight is going to be a very long night.
�Before the smoke can really clear away
From fires I started yesterday
I know I�ve gotta find a way
Somehow I�ve gotta find a way to wake up
From the damage�