�My arms are hurting so bad from being so empty
My heart weighs like a ton cause it feels so heavy�
My eyes may as well be blind if I just can�t see you
My hands may as well be tied cause they just can�t touch you�
�So we�re playing? By ourselves?�
I nodded, watching one of the Stanley Cup playoff games on the big screen over Xander�s shoulder.
�But� what type of music do you play at a wedding reception?�
�Metallica!�
Tearing my eyes from the Stars� power play, I looked at my brother like he was insane. Well, he is insane.
�Yeah, I don�t think that would go over so well with the elders.�
Marc walked towards us, plates of fattening, fried sports bar food in his hands.
�Here. Are we winning?�
�2, 0.�
Glancing around the table, Marc�s eyes grew confused.
�You�re missing one. My favorite. Where�s the cute little one?�
�Florida. Wedding.�
�Same as Ryan�s?�
�Yeah.�
�Mike?�
�Yes.�
Gotta love preoccupation with sports turning conversations into disjointed question-answer sessions made up of incomplete sentences.
�Is he dead?�
�Not yet.�
�You guys?�
�Tomorrow.�
�For?�
�Five days.�
�Free beer.�
As a commercial came on, Marc, Trevor, and I tore our eyes away from the TV and placed them on Xander�s stupid grin instead.
�What?�
�Free beer.�
Wait�
�You�re not even old enough to drink beer. Why do you want some?�
He shrugged, and for the first time, I realized he was wearing eyeliner.
Kara doesn�t even wear eyeliner.
�Yeah, I�m with Xander. Think you can swing that Marky?�
Marc rolled his eyes as Trevor downed half a glass of beer.
�I�ll see what I can do.�
Sometimes it�s nice to know people who work at restaurants.
�Dude, are you wearing eyeliner?!�
Xander looked at me, faking astonishment.
�Am I?!�
Trevor nearly fell off his stool with laughter when he noticed.
�Dude, you are so gay.�
I returned my attention to the hockey game as Trevor heckled Xander for his latest makeup experiment.
�Anyway��
They turned back to me.
�Wedding music?�
*
�Think you can drive home now?�
Stretching my arms above my head, I yawned again and nodded.
�You don�t look like it, dude.�
Pushing my glasses up my nose, I pulled my hat over my mess of hair and shrugged.
�I feel like such a nerd with these glasses on, but anyway� yeah, I�ll be fine.�
Howie shook his head and pushed me towards the door.
�Well, then go be her knight in baggy jeans and sweep her off her feet.�
Yeah, we�re both complete dorks.
But it works.
*
Almost seven and he�s still not home, and no police cars have shown up at the house.
Where is he??
Running my fingers over the strings of one of his guitars I�d found in what I could only believe was a practice room, I played random chords while trying to piece together the lyrics that floated in my head.
��and I�m fine��
The words came and attached themselves to the ones already in my head until my fingers caught up and corresponding cords formed into a melody of sorts.
��the nights have become too much, each time I close my eyes, you�re there to hold me, hiding in my head, behind all the lies, I can�t get rid of the love I have��
Falling into some other place where I wasn�t who I am and I wasn�t really here, I stared across the room with unseeing eyes, rocking back and forth as the rhythm fell into place.
Ryan says it�s funny to watch me write songs. He always says it�s like I�m trying to disappear or something.
��yet when I wake, I put on my disguise, pretending the nights aren�t too much, and I�m fine��
I need a verse now. And some� piano? Or drums? Loud and fast? No, slow�
Debating on how the accompaniment should sound, my fingers fell from the guitar�s strings and I absentmindedly tapped my forefingers against the wooden body in hopes of finding a beat I liked.
�What? No more?�
Aaah!