Why is it that just because I'm the only one who saw this coming and accpeted it as it was that suddenly I'm the bad guy. That I'm the only one who saw that by announcing it quickly to the world it would be the easiest and best way of going about it instead of dragging it out. Forgive me, but, for lack of a better analogy- it was like just ripping a band-aid off quickly avoiding the most pain, instead of slowly pulling it off and causing longer and more pain.
Shit. Even that analogy sounds wrong to me, but it's all I got.
At least I finally have someone who's willing to talk to me for more than a minute at a time. Brian...well, he'll always be my best friend.Truly.
We may not always show it, but there will always be that first inital brotherly connection. Hearing him say that he was starting to understand where I was coming from let me release that breath I didn't know I had been holding for a week. The first of four weights was lifted off my shoulders.
It took a long time, but I finally got to the point where I couldn't stand to see the group fight everytime we got together, never get anything accomplished, and never move from the standstill we had reached. We weren't happy. We were exhausted. Exhausted from being the people we had become.
I was the lucky one who went through all the emotions of the dying group. The dying of a loved one - the Backstreet Boys.
I dealt with it on my own and eventually came to the conclusion that we weren't ever going to be how we once were. Yes, we could come back, but never to the degree of which we were once so acccustomed to.
Through the years I have seen many things, experienced things too young, had my heart broken, and my trust betrayed. It's left me with a broken perception of how the world works and the people around me. Well, everyone but the four men I call my brothers that is. I could always see it. They denied it, but I always accpeted the fact we were being changed and manipulated by everyone around us. I realized this, that and the fact that they too were now looking through these broken eyes.
We are all broken in our own ways. Some before others were changed, but in the end we were all changed. And unfortunately it's the changes that tore us apart.
But I know with time there comes healing.
Time will let us learn how to laugh with our broken eyes, and accept what has become of the Backstreet Boys.