 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Chapter One: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Five Euros | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| This is a history told by mum about the power of creativity as a powerful tool. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My eldest son was eleven and unhappy. The boy in the seat near him at school had taken to teasing him on a regular basis. Anything was fair game, his name, his hair, his voice and God knows, there was trouble the week he had a few spots on his chin. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| From time to time over the the years he had been upset by guys "getting at him", so this time I really wanted to help him develop some coping skills so that he wouldn't react if someone teased him and thus wouldn't give the guys involved any satisfaction. I asked him one day if he would do something - to spend more time drawing a little caricature - like one of the cartoons in the Beano comic that his brother was so fond of - of how he thought a bully would be portrayed in one of its comic stories. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I asked him to spend a lot of time thinking it up and drawing it on the basis that the more effort and time he put in the easier it would be to recall at a later date. I suggested that every time that this guy started slagging him, he should recall this caricature, which, I hoped, would have the effect of distracting him from what was being said (thus avoiding reacting to it) that this cartoon would also show up that person for what they really were. |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He looked at me as if I had finally "lost it" and said: "Mum?!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I told him that it was research for a course that I was doing. This made no impact on him. I told him I would pay for this research - Bingo - eyes lit up. "How much?", he said excitedly. |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "E5", I said, "for spending about one hour thinking up and drawing the figure and another E5 if you spend three weeks putting it into practice and trying it out." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Deal done. He immediately took out an A4 sheet of paper and went looking for markers with a very determined look on his face. I saw him draw a big oval the size of the page. '"Is this the caricature?", I thought. But he proceeded to draw a face, a big red nose like a clown's, loud orange hair, purple ears and funny eyes ... definitely a far better image for him to recall easily than that I had imagined when I had made the suggestion. He folded the sheet of paper, put the cartoon under his pillow and no more was said. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A few days later I asked him casually how it was going? Had it worked? "Yes", he said, "it's okay when we are in class but it is harder when he starts at me when we are running around the yard at lunch time." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Good", I said. "Remember the second part of the bargain is that you try it for three weeks. So just stick with it." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Two weeks later, I enquired again. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes, it's okay, I guess," he said, "but he doesn't really slag me anymore". | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I smiled. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Payday came at the end of the three weeks and my son didn't acknowledge openly any help from the "research", he did say this to me: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Mum, its okay, I'll only charge you E5 in total. Half price." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Given his already established financial astuteness, I knew that this proved that the experiment... we both knew ... had definitely worked. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Discussion: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mick: I have nothing much to say.That was a lovely story. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pater:It makes the point that it is how we react to bullying that sometimes makes the difference.The "bully" was no longer getting the satisfaction of seeing his victim cringe. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The "bully" was trying to control him, but he showed self-control, using his imagination and did not react as the bully expected. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mick: I notice that you are uncomfortable using the word bully. You say "bully". Why is that? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pater: Well, I noticed that Mum here had not used the word "bully". For myself, I think using the word "bully" is name-calling. Yet, we really don't have another word for the person who performs these these negative acts of control over another... someone who bullies another. I want to be careful that I do not begin to be a bully myself by calling someone a negative name, such as "bully"! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mike: Are you not going over the top here? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pater:Maybe, but by saying the "bully" rather than the bully without exclamation marks, I am at least reminding myself that this bullying person may also be loving, tender and courageous in another situation. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mike: Are you saying that the bully in this story is not bad? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pater: I am saying that bullying actions and words can cause the most horrendous pain yet the same people who bully can also be caring and loving in another situation or context. I know that this complicates things but there you are. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mike: Damn right, it complicates things! I am getting confused. I prefer to think that the bully is a bad person and that we should wipe out bullying in our society. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pater: I want to wipe out bullying too. I just don't want to wipe out the bullies. And I certainly don't want to wipe out bullying by using bullying tactics of terror and control, if it at all avoidable. |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mike: So I suppose you like this story because it shows creative ways of dealing with bullying without resorting to bullying again, like say the parents beating up the bully or the boy even having to fight a bloody battle of self-defense. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pater:You are on my wavelength now, Liam. In this particular situation it worked well to use the imagination in a powerful way, but it may not have worked well with Hitler! Visualising Hitler as a funny monster probably wouldn't have made a huge impact. When it comes to physical violence and bullying rather than name-calling, often a different approach may be more appropriate. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| _______________________________________________________ | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Stick and stones may break your bones but names can wreck your head." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Give me the strength and courage to change the things I can change, to accept the things I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference." |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Click for Bullying page 5 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Click for Home page | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||